Why is it so hard to discover your soul’s purpose? If you’ve had trouble living your soul’s purpose, you’re not alone. The biggest reason is that you succumb to the fear of judgment by other people and the “shoulds” that you should live your life a certain way.
I’ve worked with hundreds of people to help them discover and live their soul’s purpose. I help them find what makes them jump out of bed in the morning and yell “hell yes!!” to their life. I help them strategize how to make their ideas into a creative profitable business.
Recently I was speaking to a client who was talking very passionately about what she wanted to do with her life. When all of a sudden she started critiquing herself. She started telling me the reasons that she wasn’t good enough.
- How other people had more experience than she did.
- Her fears that other people would be able to do it better than her.
- The trouble letting go of being perfect at what she wanted to pursue.
- The feeling that maybe she wasn’t good enough.
I had to stop her right there. I stopped her and asked her why she would judge herself so harshly. Why she would crush her own dreams so mercilessly under the weight of all of that judgment.
With this particular client, it turned out that she had had a very strong drive to fit in when she was younger and so she did everything she could to keep with the status quo.
So why do you judge ourselves so harshly? Why do you succumb to the “shoulds”? And what can you do about it?
You have a strong desire to be approved of
You want to fit in. Or you prioritize feeling acceptable and lovable. Maybe you fear that people won’t love you for you. All of these will stop you from discovering and living your soul’s purpose.
People will love you in all of your unique glory if you have the courage to show it to them.
You’ll draw the right people to you by being your unique and fabulous self!
Plus, being approved of is totally over-rated. Other people’s approval ends up being like a cage. As long as you’re evaluating your life based on what other people think, you’ll be stuck at the end of a yo-yo where you’ll constantly change yourself to make others happy. It’s time to get off the yo-yo and get grounded in your fabulousness!!
You were taught that there is only one right way of doing things
And by going against the flow you think that there’s something wrong with you. Maybe you were judged harshly as a child by your parents or caregivers. Or maybe they weren’t very happy people so didn’t give you the approval and affirmation you craved. So you reign yourself in and tell yourself to stop dreaming so big because it’s not the “right way” to go about things.
Let me tell you – there IS no one right way to do things. Let go of this perfectionistic idea and recognize that ANY effort is an awesome effort.
You think that being self-critical and self-judgmental will make you grow
A child doesn’t learn to walk by having someone stand over them telling them “that’s not the way to do it! You’ll never learn to walk if you keep falling down!”.
No way! They learn to walk by making mistakes and having experiences that show them how they can improve.
Yet many people were raised in families where criticism was the norm. So it’s no wonder that people feel like they have to so harshly judge themselves in order to beat themselves into submission.
Drop this mindset. It’s doing you absolutely no favors. Psychological research shows that punishment (that judgment and criticism) is not a good way to motivate people. In fact, it can cause motivation to decreases.
Instead, acknowledge that falling down is part of learning and the only REAL way to succeed in life.
The only difference between those who fail and those who succeed is that those who succeed get back up after they fall down!
You’re afraid
The biggest reason why it’s so hard to discover your soul’s purpose is that you’re afraid.
You may limit yourself because you’re afraid of what change will mean, what change will bring to your life, and how everything will change if you start to change one thing.
There’s no need to be afraid. Change is the only real constant we can rely on in life. Nothing stays the same. Everything is always changing! In fact, every cell in your body renews itself every so often. So in a way, you’re not the person that you were 2 years ago. So stop trying to force yourself to stay the same and recognize that change is a natural part of life!
You’re more focused on making other people happy
You have spent your entire life trying to keep everyone around you happy. This especially happens when you come from a traumatic background.
So you’ve judged yourself whenever you’ve focused on your own dreams and desires. You’ve stopped listening to the song of your soul because it’s been drowned out by everyone else’s needs, wants, and desires.
If this is the case, then it’s time to tune in and recognize that you deserve to have your own dreams and desires. And that when you’re fulfilled, the people around you are so much more fulfilled as well (and if they’re not, then they’ve just gotten too used to you being a doormat!!).
You’re afraid of making other people uncomfortable
You think that if you follow your own purpose or your own dreams and desires that you’ll make everyone around you feel uneasy. But you don’t have to diminish yourself, your dreams, or your desires to make other people more comfortable!! The right people will be drawn to your passionate example in the world and you’ll inspire others!!
