What Is The Meaning Of Life? It’s Not What You think. (5 Steps To Discover a Happier and More Meaningful Life)

Summary Points

• The meaning of life isn’t a destination you arrive at but a continual adventure to discover. Like a road trip where the joy is in the journey itself, not just reaching the final stop. It’s the continuous act of creating connection, contribution, and significance through your daily experiences and relationships.
• Often when people are unhappy, it’s because they don’t understand how to create meaning in their lives. They’re waiting for meaning to find them instead of actively generating it through presence, appreciation, and sharing their gifts.
• Purpose and meaning are not the same thing. Purpose is your overall direction or mission in life, while meaning is the lived experience of significance you create moment by moment through your choices and connections.
• Meaning-making can regulate the nervous system by closing open-loops which keep us in a chronic stress response.
• To have a happier and more meaningful life: 1) Share your gifts with others, 2) Practice presence and appreciation in the here and now, 3) Let go of perfectionism and embrace the process, 4) Close the open loops in your nervous system, 5) Create post-traumatic growth by making meaning from your challenges.

In this blog post you’ll discover:

• The 3 aspects of a meaningful life (and how it’s not what you think)
• What really makes us happy
• The key links to the nervous system (and why a meaningful life regulates the nervous system)
• How trauma can help you grow and expand the meaning in your life. 
• Plus 5 steps to creating a more meaningful life

We’ve lost the meaning in our lives, and it’s making us miserable.

We feel like we’re just going through the motions, sleepwalking through our days, wondering “is this all there is?”

That emptiness gnaws at us, creating a void that no amount of Netflix binging or Instagram scrolling can fill.

We become disconnected from ourselves, from others, and from any sense of purpose or joy.

Life starts to feel like a hamster wheel—lots of motion, but no real progress or fulfillment.

What Makes Us Unhappy?

Happiness can be broken down into three components—enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning.

Enjoyment: This is the fun stuff—the belly laughs with friends, the first bite of your favorite dessert, dancing like nobody’s watching in your kitchen. It’s the immediate pleasure and delight we experience in the moment. This is the play and relaxation that we talk about so much here. To enjoy your life means you get to have joy each and every day. Talk about #winning.

Satisfaction: This is the “hell yes, I did that!” feeling. It’s the sense of accomplishment when you finish a project, reach a goal, or overcome a challenge. It’s looking back and feeling proud of what you’ve created or achieved. It’s that internal sense of confidence and knowing you’re a badass who can do anything you set your mind to.

Meaning: This is the secret sauce that brings it all together. The deep inner sense that what you’re doing matters. Knowing that your life has significance beyond just existing. That there’s a reason for all of it. It’s the connection between your actions and something larger than yourself.

(We’ll be diving deeper into these components of happiness in a new blog post coming your way soon!)

Yet We’re Unhappy. Why?

Yet, despite unprecedented material comfort and security, many people are experiencing a profound emptiness in their lives.

We’ve got smartphones that can do everything but make us coffee (give it time). We can order food with a tap. Technically, we’re more “connected” than ever through social media. \

Yet somehow, we’re lonelier, more anxious, and more lost than previous generations.

Happiness experts like Arthur Brooksm, a Harvard lecturer and behavioral scientist, have observed a decline in happiness within a specific group: high achievers.

Yep (ahem – feeling called out yet?)

The people who are “crushing it” on paper—the ones with the impressive titles, the fat bank accounts, the picture-perfect Instagram feeds. They’re often the ones feeling the most empty inside.

This is part of the “going back to sleep” in your life over and over.

Numbing yourself to not feeling things. To feeling empty.

We get so caught up in the doing, the achieving, the next milestone, that we forget to actually LIVE.

This is what feeling fully ALIVE is all about (read more in my recent blog post about Living Life Without Regrets and Feeling Fully Alive).

Being truly and deeply happy is about creating a life and existence that means something.

Ask yourself this:

• What’s the point of life?
• Why are you here?
• What’s the purpose of your existence?

Time and time again, when I ask people this question, the answer I get has nothing to do with success or money or even freedom.

It has to do with love and connection. With a feeling of contribution, creativity, and impact.

It has to do with making a difference in the lives of others. Whether that’s by cooking your granddaughter breakfast or writing a best-selling book that impacts millions.

In the age of AI it’s more important than ever to prioritize and see that human connection, love, and contribution are the heart and soul of our lives. They give our lives meaning.

Love and connection create what we call “significance.”

The 3 Aspects of Meaning – It Starts With Significance

I love to read up on the latest research on psychology and neuroscience. I know, I’m a total dork!

The irony is that until I share these discoveries with people, they don’t actually feel that meaningful and relevant to me. They’re just data and information that isn’t rooted in lived experience and a communal sharing with others and a contribution to others’ well-being.

It’s one of the reasons that I do the work I do. That I get to share key discoveries and insights that make a difference in people’s lives.

I contribute through connection and that creates meaning in my life.

Another example that perhaps you’ve experienced is travel. Have you ever noticed that travel feels more meaningful and significant when you have someone to share it with? That you can reflect back on memories together later on and share stories with? That’s another way you’re creating meaning through your lived experience.

Meaning has 3 key ingredients:

1. Significance: Your life matters. What you do makes a difference. Even if it’s making the world’s best grilled cheese sandwich for your kiddo (trust me, to them, that’s EVERYTHING).
2. Purpose: You have a direction, a reason for being here. It doesn’t have to be “save the world” level stuff. It can be as simple as “I’m here to spread joy through my terrible dad jokes!”
3. Coherence: Your life makes sense as a story. The ups, downs, twists, and turns. They’re all there for a reason. They’re all interesting chapters in the story of your life. They all weave together into something meaningful. Your collection of rubber duckies? Each one tells a story of a place you’ve been or a person who gave it to you.

Meaning doesn’t have to be heavy.

It can be light, playful, and totally YOU.

What You Can Learn About The Meaning Of Life From Cavemen

Back in evolutionary times we would sit around the fire after a long day of not being eaten by lions.

And what would we do? We’d tell stories. We’d share our day. We’d laugh about how Grok tripped over a rock while running from that mammoth. We cry together when we lost someone from the tribe.

We experienced our connection through the contribution of sharing our stories.

This created not only meaning, but also regulated our nervous system.

Our ancestors knew something we’ve forgotten in our modern, isolated, screen-addicted world: sharing our experiences is ESSENTIAL for our well-being.

NERVOUS SYSTEM REGULATION

When we were in cave man times, when we went out hunting and were chased down by a lion we had a major stress response. We were literally thrown into fight or flight.

Yet, unlike today, our nervous system didn’t become dysregulated because we didn’t go into a chronic stress spiral. Why? Because at the end of the day we went back to the cave and talked about what we experienced. We told stories. We processed the experience. We made it meaningful.

This is called “closing open loops” in our nervous system. We conclude the experience by making meaning out of it.

The nervous system is physiologically regulated through feedback loops that help maintain balance. When we experience stress or trauma, our nervous system activates a response. And that response continues until we give our nervous system the signal that the stress is over.

When we share our experiences, when we tell our stories, when we connect with others about what happened, we complete the stress cycle and close those open loops.

Think about it—have you ever noticed how much better you feel after venting to a friend about a stressful day? That’s not just emotional relief—that’s your nervous system literally completing a cycle and returning to balance.

These feedback loops in the nervous system are essential for maintaining psychological well-being. Without this processing, without this meaning-making through connection, we stay stuck in a state of chronic stress activation.

That Lion About to Chomp Your Brain Is Helping You Discover What The Meaning Of Life Is

Now, let’s think about these cave men peeps for a sec. Being chased by a lion is freaking traumatic as heck!

Yet they didn’t end up curled up in the fetal position on the cave floor. They persisted the next day.

They did this through closing those open loops through story telling and processing their experiences.

This is what’s called post-traumatic growh.

Not only can we process and heal from difficult experiences, but we can actually GROW from them.

Post-traumatic growth (PTG) represents the positive psychological changes that can occur following traumatic or highly stressful life events. It’s not about pretending the bad stuff didn’t happen or slapping a positive spin on genuine pain. It’s about your incredible capacity to transform suffering into wisdom, connection, and strength.

PTG can help you discover the meaning of life.

Making meaning post trauma can result in improved relationships, new possibilities for one’s life, a greater appreciation for life, a greater sense of personal strength, and spiritual development.

Discovering The Meaning Of Life Through Post-Traumatic:

1. Deeper Relationships: After going through hell, you often find out who your real friends are. You reach out for support. You also develop a capacity for deeper empathy and connection because you KNOW what it’s like to hurt.
2. New Possibilities: That job loss that felt like the end of the world? It might open doors to a career you actually love. That health scare? It might inspire you to finally write that book or take that trip.
3. Personal Strength: When you successfully navigate trauma, you discover you’re way more badass than you ever imagined. You survived something you thought would break you, and now you know that you’re unbreakable.
4. Appreciation for Life: Colors seem brighter. Hugs last longer. You stop taking the small stuff for granted because you know how precious and fragile life really is.
5. Spiritual Development: Trauma can often cause you to feel more connection. To connect to something larger than yourself. Whether that’s nature, humanity, or the universe.

How Your Nervous System Supports Growth

Research shows that PTG is associated with specific neural changes, particularly in areas of the brain involved in emotional regulation and executive function. Your brain literally rewires itself to integrate the difficult experience in a way that promotes growth rather than just survival.

PTG involves neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to form new neural connections—allowing us to develop new patterns of thinking, feeling, and being in response to challenges.

This is why simply “thinking positive” doesn’t work. Real growth, real meaning-making, happens at a neurobiological level when we:

• Process our experiences fully (not bypass them)
• Share our stories with safe others
• Allow ourselves to feel the feelings
• Actively engage in meaning-making activities

MEANING ISN’T A DESTINATION, IT’S A PROCESS

You’re never going to “arrive” at meaning. There’s no finish line where you suddenly go “AHA! I’ve found the meaning of life and now I’m done!”

Creating meaning is a process, a journey, not a destination.

Meaning is like dancing. The point isn’t to get to a specific spot on the dance floor. The point is to DANCE. To move. To feel the music. To express yourself. Sometimes you’ll stumble. Sometimes you’ll flow. Sometimes you’ll invent new moves that make everyone go “what the hell was that?” (and that’s okay!).

Think about your last road trip. What was the meaning of it except to enjoy it? You don’t take a road trip just to arrive at the destination as fast as possible. You took it for the wind in your hair, the terrible gas station coffee, the spontaneous detours to see the world’s largest ball of twine, the deep conversations at 2 AM when everyone’s a little loopy.

And that’s just like discovering “what is the meaning of life”. It’s the ultimate adventure and discovery of what life has simmering and bubbling below the surface!

To Discover What Is The Meaning Of Life? Start Here

Ready to create more meaning in your life?

Here are 5 steps to get you started on this delicious journey:

1. Share Your Gifts and Insights With Others

You know that thing you’re good at? That thing that comes so naturally to you that you assume everyone can do it? THAT’S YOUR GIFT. Share it! Whether it’s:

• Your ability to make people laugh when they’re down
• Your knack for explaining complex things simply
• Your talent for making the perfect playlist for any mood
• Your gift of really listening when people talk

Stop hoarding your awesomeness. The world needs what you’ve got!

2. Close the Open Loops Through Storytelling and Processing

Remember our caveman ancestors around the fire? Be like them!

• Journal about your experiences (yes, even the messy ones)
• Call a friend and actually TALK (not just text)
• Join a support group or community where you can share authentically
• Create art, music, or writing about your experiences

Try these journaling prompts:

• What story from my life needs to be told?
• What experience am I still carrying that needs to be shared?
• How has a challenge in my life actually made me stronger?

3. Practice Presence and Appreciation in the Here and Now

Tjhe meaning of life doesn’t live in the future when you’ve “figured it all out.” It lives RIGHT NOW. In this moment.

• The way the light hits your coffee cup
• The sound of your dog’s snoring
• The feeling of your favorite sweater
• The taste of that perfectly ripe strawberry

Stop waiting for meaning to show up. It’s already here, waiting for you to notice it.

4. Let Go of Perfectionism and Embrace the Process

You know what kills meaning faster than anything? The belief that you have to find the “perfect” purpose or the “right” meaning of life.

You’re not going to get it “right”.

Discovering the meaning of life is a process of unfolding and living and embodying every messy step.

The meaning of life can change. It can be silly one day and profound the next.

It can be found in:

• Perfecting your chocolate chip cookie recipe
• Being the friend who always remembers birthdays
• Creating beautiful spreadsheets (yes, really!)
• Making people smile at the grocery store

When you bring together all of the small things, that’s when you discover the patterns, the beautiful universal fabric that underlies it all.

5. Create Post-Traumatic Growth by Discovering the Meaning of Life from Your Challenges

Your struggles aren’t just things to “get over.” They’re the raw material for your growth and wisdom.

Think about a recent challenge you’ve had and ask yourself:

• What has this challenge taught me?
• How has this difficulty made me more compassionate, more powerful, more focused?
• What has this experience taught me?
• How has this experience served as a training ground for my next level?
• What can I now offer others because of what I’ve been through?
• How has this experience clarified what really matters to me?

Remember, you’re not looking for silver linings or trying to be grateful for trauma. You’re acknowledging that you have the power to create meaning and growth from even the hardest experiences.

Victor Fankl, a famous psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, has one of my favorite meaning of life quotes:

Common Questions About The Meaning Of Life

“I don’t know what the meaning of life is for me”

Beautiful! That means you’re human! The meaning of life isn’t something you know, it’s something you create.

Start small. What made you feel alive today?

What made you feel connected?

What felt electrifying?

That’s your breadcrumb trail to meaning.

(Read more about how living life without regrets is the key to feeling fully ALIVE and electric in your life)

“Is the meaning of life the same for everyone?”

Hell no! Thank goodness!

The meaning of life for you is as unique as your fingerprint. For some, the meaning of life is raising incredible humans. For others, it’s creating art that moves people. For some, it’s making the world’s best tacos. There’s no universal answer to what the meaning of life is. And that’s what makes it so special and transcendent to discover!

“How do I find the meaning of life when everything feels meaningless?”

First, know that feeling is temporary (even when it doesn’t feel that way).

When we’re depressed or overwhelmed, our brain literally has a harder time accessing meaning. This is the way your nervous system and biology works.

First, don’t blame or guilt yourself for feeling that way. It’s okay!

Second, start by soothing your nervous system (learn more about how to regulate the nervous system here)

Third: start with small meaningful experiences: Can you make someone smile today? Can you water a plant? Can you send an encouraging text? These micro-meanings add up and help your nervous system remember that connection and contribution are possible.

“Can the meaning of life change over time?”

Absolutely! In fact, it SHOULD change! The meaning of life at 20 might be totally different than at 40 or 60 or 80.

As you grow and evolve, so does your capacity to create and experience meaning. That’s not inconsistency—that’s growth!

“What if my idea of the meaning of life seems too small or silly?”

There is NO such thing as a meaning that’s too small! If organizing your sock drawer by color brings you a sense of order and joy in a chaotic world, that’s meaningful.

If making the perfect grilled cheese for your kid makes you feel like you’re contributing to their happiness, that’s meaningful. Don’t let anyone (including your own inner critic) tell you otherwise.