For a long time I’ve been talking about cultivating a high-vibration and being aligned with your highest good. What I haven’t talked a lot about is that this can be a whole different experience for someone who is a highly sensitive empath. That it can feel like an uphill battle to stay aligned and “in your lane” when you’re so attuned to how everyone else around you feels at all times.

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Your Superpower

You see, being a highly sensitive empath (HSE) is a true superpower. It gives you extra information that most people don’t have access to.  Like when you know just what people need whether in your work life or at home with your kids. In fact, you’ve always known that you were beyond amazing at really helping other people. You seem to be able to connect to other people on a really deep level. Perhaps they tell you their secrets because “there’s something about you I can trust”.   True empathy is so rare in our society that those of us who are deeply gifted with this superpower are sought out as sources of safety in a chaotic world.   But this is also what can lead to some of the difficulties with this superpower.   But being a highly sensitive empath can have a darkside.

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You Attract “Soul Sucker” People

These are people who sense your giving nurturing energy and will come and take, take, take from you. Because you’re such a loving person by nature you have a tendency to keep giving. You may have never learned to set boundaries with others or learned how to get comfortable saying “no”. Instead, you end up giving and giving because you like to see other people happy.

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Giving Till It Hurts

You keep giving and giving to others without realizing that you’re tapping out your own supply because you’re not turning your inner nurturance toward yourself. You’re not giving as much to yourself as you are to others. So, you end up feeling exhausted, resentful, and wanting to shut out the world a lot. This is because you haven’t learned how to say “no” to others and limit how much you’re willing to give. And above all you haven’t learned how to turn all that loving goodness toward yourself and say “now it’s my time”.

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Taking Responsibility for Other People’s Happiness

You end up taking it on your shoulders to make sure that everyone around you is “okay” and “happy”. Even to the detriment of yourself. You end up putting other people’s happiness before your own because it pains you to feel other people unhappy. You haven’t been able to anchor into the knowing that it’s ultimately not your responsibility to make them happy. And you haven’t yet realized that you can’t really make them happy anyway.  No matter how much you give to others they will always require more unless they learn to give to themselves. It’s like the old saying that “you give a man a fish and he eats for a day. You teach a man to fish he eats for a lifetime”. When you’re constantly taking responsibility for other people’s happiness you end up teaching them to rely on you. You’re creating a codependent relationship where the other person becomes dependent upon you for their happiness and you take it on your shoulders to keep refilling their happiness cup. You may do this out of love, but it ends up damaging others because they never learn how to refill their own cup.

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Discomfort with Making People Uncomfortable

Because you can pick up so readily on how other people feel you end up taking it on your shoulders when you say “no” and it makes other people uncomfortable or unhappy. In fact, you may spend a considerable amount of time trying to avoid making other people uncomfortable. And so you end up saying “yes” to a lot of things you’d rather say “no” to, because you hate making other people uncomfortable. You ultimately end up prioritizing everyone else’s comfort over your own. Never getting to choose what you really want because inevitably it will make someone else uncomfortable when you decide for yourself what you want and go for it.

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Prioritizing Their Opinions

Because of the desire to keep other people happy and to avoid making them uncomfortable (or cause them any pain) you end up making other people’s opinions more important than your own. You end up asking for opinions because you’ve gotten so used to looking outside of yourself for whether you’re doing a “good job” of making other people happy.

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You Lose Connection With Yourself

You become so focused on other people and how they feel you stop connecting with what you feel, what you really desire, what you really enjoy. You end up saying “I don’t even know what I like anymore” because you’ve gotten so used to making sure everyone else is okay, making them happy, prioritizing their opinions, and making sure no one else is uncomfortable. There’s no ROOM for you left when you’re taking all of your energy and pointing it outward at other people’s lives all the time.

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You Attract Narcissists and Other Pathological People

These people are a more malicious version of the “soul sucker” people above. The narcissist knows that you’re a giver, so they purposefully take advantage of your good nature. Perhaps you were born into a family where you had to walk on eggshells or maybe you weren’t and your empathic loving heart is ripe for the picking by someone who unethically looks for those who they can manipulate. But when you’re constantly focused on making other people happy and making sure they’re not uncomfortable you will end up attracting those who will manipulate this beautiful part of you.   Without knowing how to set firm boundaries and deeply connect with who you are and what you desire you’ll end up chasing around after what they want and how they feel. And they’ll realize that they can manipulate you with a frown, a tear, or a raised voice – and they will. This is why so many empaths end up in relationships with narcissists, sociopaths, and abusive people. They think they can fix them and heal them. It comes from a good place, but it ultimately ends up leading to the empath feeling like they’ve completely lost control over their life.

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You Begin to Fear Other’s Unhappiness and It Impacts Your Self-Esteem

This leads to the need to keep putting other people’s opinions first, to keep seeking validation, to keep their happiness forefront in your life. But it also ends up meaning that your life is operating from a place of fear of “what could happen” instead of a true sense of happiness. You may in fact begin to try to shift situations so that you never have to feel the pain and discomfort of other people’s unhappiness.   You begin to seek approval externally for being “good enough” instead of knowing it and living it from the inside. When you’re a highly sensitive empath and you’ve spent much of your life focused on whether those around you are happy, you begin to only feel as though you’re “good enough” when other people are happy. This is a seriously messed up way to be in relationships. It it so that you are constantly seeking validation from the other person. It makes it so that you can never go out on your own and seek your own happiness for fear of not being good enough if they’re unhappy with you. So, the HSE’s self-esteem goes down, they feel worthless, and the other person is left feeling guilty or ashamed of themselves for feeling sad.   It makes it so that you’re putting pressure on others to be happy in order to please you as well (many times empaths may ask things like “what’s wrong?” continually to a boyfriend or someone they care about. It’s because they’ve become so used to taking care of other people’s emotions that they feel bad about themselves if the other people around them aren’t happy. This puts a lot of pressure on others to “fake happiness” in order to keep the empath satisfied. And this ends up stopping relationships from being really deep and meaningful because people will always feel as though the highly sensitive empath will try to fix them if they share that they’re not feeling happy or “up” at the moment. There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad. Emotions are just information. And the HSE knows this in regard to their own emotions. But because they’ve spent so much time focused on managing other’s emotions and keeping them happy they feel that they’ve “failed” if the other person isn’t happy.

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You Lose Track of Your Own Happiness

When a person is legitimately happy and glowing and just beaming from being satisfied in their life they impact the lives around them without trying. Other people are lifted up by just their presence. We’ve all been around someone like that before. Someone who makes you feel loved. Not because they always put you and your needs first, but just in virtue of who they are. When you put your own happiness first and foremost this is what happens. The positive effects on other people actually amplifies and expands. You’re not abandoning people. You’re becoming a model for how life can work when you are self-sufficient with happiness and satisfaction. Not everyone will like it though, let’s be real. Some people will want you to continue to carry the burden of their happiness. But do you really want to live your whole life for others instead of impacting others with your presence and your true joy anchored in the truth of who you really are?

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You Overwhelm Others With Your Emotions

This often happens because you don’t know how to manage your emotions or have completely shut down your emotional landscape. HSE’s are very emotional. They feel things stronger than other people do. This is part of the superpower. It’s like in the recent Superman movie when other people from Krypton came to earth and were totally overwhelmed by their senses. People from Krypton (like superman) had super hearing, super sight, x-ray vision. This becomes a detriment to those who just get the power because, unlike superman, they haven’t spent their whole lives learning to control it. You’re like this. Your emotions are a superpower. But when you haven’t learned to control them they can be overwhelming and paralyzing. Because of this, when you try to let other people in on your emotional world it can be “overwhelming” and “too much” to people who aren’t HSE’s.   But what happens when the HSE’s emotions are invalidated, or told that they don’t matter or are “too much” for too long? The HSE actually shuts off their emotions and becomes numbed and a little dead inside because they don’t want to overwhelm other people.

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Constantly Feeling Like “Too Much”

You may have been told over and over throughout your life that you’re “too much”. That you feel too much. That you connect too deeply. That you’re “too serious”. That you care too much. That you’re too loud (or too quiet). The HSE is consistently told that they’re too much from a young age. And much of this centers around the emotional experience of the HSE. When they feel that they can’t share their emotional world with others they shut it down and keep it a secret. Shifting into either isolating themselves from the world or being totally focused on managing other people’s emotions instead.

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  As you can see, being a highly sensitive empath has a lot of possible downsides. But I want to assure you that it’s one of the most powerfully positive gifts you can have. It just takes time and skill to know how to navigate this ability. I myself am a highly sensitive empath and have been dealing with these issues throughout my life and I’ve helped hundreds of people navigate their own experience and feel stronger, anchored into their own happiness, understand how to let go of the people-pleasing, and finally understand themselves at a very deep level. This brings improved relationships, businesses, friendships, financial situations – you name it and it will improve when you finally get a handle on your superpowers.

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  This week only (January 18th – 25th) I have a very limited number of spots available for a single session with me for a 2018 psychic reading and coaching session at a special discounted price. This session will be focused on getting in depth guidance about what 2018 has in store for you and how you can have your best year ever. These are only offered on 2 days and are at a serious discount from my normal coaching rates. If you’re interested grab your spot now.

Spots are extremely limited.

 

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  Want to chat about getting a handle on your superpowers? Then grab a spot on my calendar for a free complimentary 30-minute insight session. We’ll chat about how being empathic has affected you in your life and how working together will totally shift your world if you and I are a fit. I’m a highly-sensitive empath as well and I know who will benefit from my services. There’s never any pressure. Just connection, heart, and support to make the decision that speaks to your soul.

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