Neediness Is Blocking Your Desires

Neediness Is Blocking Your Desires

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Shed the Neediness

One of the most common things I hear from my clients is “I don’t even know what I want. I’m not even sure I know what I like!”. But I’m going to share a secret with you. You’ll never be able to connect with what you really most deeply desire until you first shed the neediness that’s blocking it from entering your life.

Life is a lot like a buffet. When you go to the buffet and you’re starving you’re going to stuff yourself with the first thing you see. You’re not going to be able to wait to get to the really good stuff because you’re too hungry.

Neediness is like an emotional state of starvation. You end up grabbing whatever you can just to fill the hole. Whether that’s a subpar relationship, job, or friendships – you end up settling for far less than what would really delight.

Check out the video for more on how not having your needs met is actually blocking you from getting what you most desire.

DR. ASH

Holidays can be a particularly difficult time when it comes to coping with family. Especially if there is a narcissist involved in the equation. But here’s the truth – no one’s opinion of you and your life choices matters except your own.

I know it can seem threatening and confusing when you fear that someone might use your boundaries and distance against you, using it as fuel to a fire that you are not a good daughter. But sit down and ask yourself for a moment – why does it matter? Why does their opinion of you matter?

It matters because the toxicity & trauma from when you were growing up has conditioned you to believe that other people’s opinions of you are not only very important, but a valid reflection of your goodness, your worthiness, and your value in this world.

So sit back for a moment and ask yourself – “What’s the worst that would happen if they say ‘look, everyone, I told you she was a bad daughter’. What would happen? What would the worst case scenario be?”. Perhaps you may have a few family members or people in your parent’s community think ill of you. What else? What other fears are lurking there? Do they offer financial support that they might withdraw? Or emotional support?

Chances are that the biggest thing that would happen is that you’d feel guilty and filled with shame for putting yourself first. For asserting that you deserve to have a happy and satisfied life and doing what you need to do to make that happy.

It’s not what they think of you that’s really bothering you. It’s the internalized fears about what you’ll think of yourself.

You see, no one can really make us feel anything. Think about it. If you were on a crowded subway and bumped into someone and they had the opinion of “look, everyone, I told you she was a bad person!” you’d probably brush it right off and go on with your day because you’ve decided that that person’s opinion isn’t valid. But since you decided, probably when you were young, that your parents’ opinions were valid you feel as though when you go against those opinions you’re doing something wrong.

You’re essentially activating the “bad girl” inside of you that fears being punished. The archetypal inner child that fears that if she breaks the rules she’ll be abandoned and never loved by anyone.

Of course, your adult self knows better than this. And lucky for you she can learn new ways of coping and can decondition all of that old toxicity & trauma that’s kept you locked into the cycle of guilt and shame that has kept you replaying the same patterns over and over.

Plus, as yourself this – if you had to choose either them being disappointed with you and feeling guilty about it OR you getting to be happy, relaxed and relieved which is more important? Which is more valuable?

The answer is pretty obvious to me 😉

This month in The Abundance Revolution, we’ll be talking specifically about surviving the holidays with toxic family.

There’s a lot of other aspects to coping with toxic family during the holidays that I’m super excited to teach. Such as how to shape behavior, how to give yourself an escape hatch, how to deal with grief, anxiety, and depression during the holidays, and how to keep your sanity during a season we’ve all been conditioned to put everyone else first.

Join us in The Abundance Revolution Membership. In this membership, you’ll discover how to cultivate inner strength, self-trust, and resilience so that you can finally feel comfortable putting yourself first without feeling selfish. To decondition those old beliefs, heal the inner child, and finally get what you’ve always wanted. And for a limited time, you can try it for only $22.

Grab your spot today!

“You’ll never be able to connect with what you really most deeply desire until you first shed the neediness that’s blocking it from entering your life.” – Click to Tweet

Revolutionize your Life

This video was based on an in-depth workshop in my membership community The Abundance Revolution. It’s filled with inspiring heart-centered women who are developing deep levels of self-trust and self-love and throwing out all of the old toxic conditioning from the past.

If you’re ready to revolutionize your life, join the group today. I’m going to be adding new exciting features in January and the price will be increasing. So, don’t miss out on your opportunity to join at the current discounted rate!

Click the Abundance Revolution image below to JOIN NOW! 

 

 

Anxiety. Fear. Playing Small. Stuckness.

You’re living in a prison of your own making.

It’s time to change that forever.

 

Download NOW for FREE!

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

You Don’t Need Discipline

You Don’t Need Discipline

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Discipline = Punishment?

How do you feel when you hear the word “discipline?”

Good, bad, indifferent? 

To me,  discipline feels like punishment.

In fact, that’s another definition of the word!

And yet we all hear again and again, “you’ve got to have discipline to be successful.”

But Screw That!

The rebel inside of me wants to run the other direction when she hears that.

My eyes roll up in my head and I feel heavy, and weighted down. 

“If that’s what it takes to be successful. Screw that!!”

I bet you have a little bit of this rebel inside of you….

“There are ways you can adapt and make achieving your desires FUN and EASY while leaving nasty words like “discipline” by the roadside.” – Click to Tweet

Discipline Feels Harsh

When the rebel hears “discipline” she envisions stern teachers, drill sergeants, or the harsh tone and words of your parents from when you were young.

You see, especially when you come from a background with any type of harshness and judgment from a parental figure, you’re very likely going to have a reaction to words like “discipline.”

But you’ve had this expectation, because of the toxicity & trauma, that to be successful it’s got to be “hard” and that you have to drive yourself toward accomplishment through harshness.

But that’s just not true. 

The Solution

The solution?

It’s flipping the entire concept on its head and understanding that you don’t really need “discipline.”

Yep, you heard that right! 

You don’t need discipline in order to be successful. 

The Alternative To Discipline

What you really need is commitment.

When you’re committed to doing something.

Fully decided.

Fully on board.

You do it.

And it feels GOOD to do it.

And you persist and keep moving. 

Not becuase you have to, but becuase you want to. 

Not because you feel guilty and ashamed of yourself. But because you know you’re worth it. 

It Can Be Easy

Accomplishing your goal doesn’t have to feel like a big forced drag of an endeavor.

Because you’re moving TOWARD what you want (your goal).

Rather than moving away from what you don’t want (the idea of someone disciplining you).

The best type of motivation is always feeling motivated in the creation of something, rather than running from something (this is a key tenet of manifestation). 

So don’t feel bad if you’ve never jammed with the idea of discipline.

Most people from harsh backgrounds don’t.

There are ways you can adapt and make achieving your desires FUN and EASY while leaving nasty words like “discipline” by the roadside. 

 

Want to know how to achieve that flowing ease in moving toward your goal? Grab my free ebook below. 

 Transform your life from an “I guess” to a “Hell Yes!” with this free ebook

It’s time to release the Toxicity & Trauma that’s been keeping you stuck for good.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Live Life Without Regret

Live Life Without Regret

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One of My Life Mottos

 

One of my life mottos is to “live life without regret”.  

It’s interesting. Because there’s so many layers to this one statement.  

When I was in my 20s, the motto meant do all the things!! 

Now, in my 40s, the motto means no matter what happens, regret is a waste of energy! (and, well, do all the things, lol).

 

5 Big Regrets of the Dying

A nurse working in hospice noticed through time that most dying patients had one of 5 regrets.

They were: 

 “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

 “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

 “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

 “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

 “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

These prove the point of my life motto. That the only things you’ll regret on your deathbed are the things you didn’t do, not the things you did do. 

And yet, so many people play it safe. They keep their lives contained in tiny little boxes of conformity. Of “playing nice” and being appropriate. 

They prioritize the opinions of everyone else over what they really most deeply desire.

And they end up sacrificing their happiness, and ultimately their life satisfaction because of it. 

 

How Would You Live Your Life Differently?

An amazing 85-year-old woman, Nadine Stair, from Louisville, Kentucky, provided the words below after someone asked her how she would have lived her life differently if she had a chance.

If I Had To Live My Life Over Again

“If I had my life to live over again,
I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d relax.
I’d limber up.
I’d be sillier than I’ve been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances,
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would, perhaps, have more actual troubles but fewer imaginary ones.
you see, I’m one of those people who was sensible and sane,
hour after hour,
day after day.
Oh, I’ve had my moments.
If I had to do it over again,
I’d have more of them.
In fact, I’d try to have nothing else –
just moments,
one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.
I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I could do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had to live my life over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances,
I would ride more merry-go-rounds,
I would pick more daisies.”

The true you is waiting for you to step up and say “this is my life and I’m going to make it a ‘hell yes’ because I will not settle for a mediocre life anymore.” – Click to Tweet

Don’t Miss Your Chance To Truly Live

Right now, this instant is your chance for freedom. 

To live your life with joy, bliss, and full out aliveness that you’ve read about in stories, but wondered if it’s real. 

I assure you, it is. 

But you’ve got to shift your perspective from “I’ll do it tomorrow” and realize that the only time you can ever make a choice that allow you to live life without regret is now. 

You may never get another the chance to ask that person out on a date. 

You may never get around to painting that masterpiece, or writing your great novel if you don’t start today. 

You’ll never be as young as you are today. 

So what are you waiting for? 

The time to act is now. 

The true you is waiting for you to step up and say “this is my life and I’m going to make it a ‘hell yes’ because I will not settle for a mediocre life anymore. 

The choice is yours. 

The time is now. 

 

Where to start? 

Grab your copy of The No Bullsh!t Guide To Life in the box below. This is a free eBook that will give you immediate steps to take to make your life into a “hell yes” instead of an “I guess”. 

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Are You Living By This Self-Sabotaging Success Equation?

Are You Living By This Self-Sabotaging Success Equation?

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Working Hard and the Burden of Success

What does a “hustle” mentality have to do with a toxic childhood?

When you come from a background where worth was earned by keeping everyone around you happy. By towing the line. By being the “good girl” and keeping quiet, or bringing home good grades, or raising your siblings, or achieving more and more to be noticed.

You become conditioned to believe that:

Working hard = Success

So you create structures around your success where you have to work harder and harder. Success becomes a burden.

The Hamster Wheel of Busy

You stay constantly busy.

You move from one task to another in rapid succession feeling as though an internal motor is constantly saying to “do more. Do more. Do more”.

Because fundamentally you feel that your worth is earned through hard work.

You believe: Worthiness = Hard work

At a certain point, you start to believe that you must always be doing in order to “earn it”. Whatever “it” happens to be.

 A divine partner.

 More money.

 A purpose driven career.

 A promotion.

That the only way to make more, be more, and connect more is to HUSTLE more.

You’re breaking your back hustling. Not for success – but for worthiness.” – Click to Tweet

Hustle Leads To Burnout And Stress

Unfortunately, this leads to a whole steaming pile of burnout and stress. You start to resent your work. You start to pull back. You start to have trouble with procrastination, resistance, and avoidance.

You start to tell yourself “I must not have what it takes”, “I must not be made for this”, or “this is too hard.”

Because you’re breaking your back hustling.

Not for success – but for worthiness.

Your mind fundamentally believes: Working hard = Worthiness = Success

The Equation That Cheats Your Life

Notice something missing from that equation? Yeah, how about happiness? Satisfaction? Joy? Pleasure? Contentment? Nope.

None of those get into the equation when you’re running your life from the old toxic paradigm. You run around trying to keep everyone happy. To earn as many pats on the head as you can. In order to be successful so that you can finally be worthy.

Problem is, even when you achieve something. Even when you’re accomplished. You’re still chasing the dragon of worthiness.

And because you can never reach the holy grail of worthiness through this pathway, you burn yourself out and break your back and pull back, hide, or quit.

Because of that toxic background, the worthiness isn’t anchored inside of you. So you’re always looking for another pat on the head.

Another ball of praise convincing you that you “did good.” Another achievement to check off so that you feel as though you’re “earning your worth.”

You Woke Up Worthy

But Worthiness Is Not Earned Worthiness is who you are.

You woke up worthy. You have always been worthy.

But because you’re running the toxicity paradigm you feel as though once you finally get X (be that money, the divine partner, losing 10 pounds, a raise, a new car, whatever) that you’ll once and for all feel “good enough” and be able to relax and finally be happy.

But that’s not how this works!!

That’s not how any of this works!

Stop The Vicious Toxic Cycle For Good

We have to turn the whole system on its head.

To put feeling “good enough” and “worthy” FIRST.  

To put YOU first.

And to stop you from this vicious cycle of feeling that you must earn your worth.

The toxic paradigm that you learned when you were young. You are never going to let yourself be happy unless you break this cycle.

You are never going to allow yourself to prioritize pleasure and contentment and joy because you’ve convinced yourself that you must constantly HUSTLE before you can finally rest and let yourself enjoy anything.

(Want proof? What does celebration look like to you? Do you celebrate even the small stuff? Do you do a little dance when the house is clean or sing for joy when you feel grateful. No? Why? Because you feel that it’s not “enough” to celebrate. Just like you feel that YOU are not enough to celebrate!!).

Dismantle the Old Wounds & Feel Confident and Vital

This is the work I do with my clients.

I help my clients dismantle the old wounds that say that they have to earn worthiness by keeping other people happy.

To put themselves first.

To figure out what they really want.

To stop playing small to keep other people comfortable.

To drop the struggle, suffering, hustle mentality that is constantly delaying happiness.

And to move through the intense emotions that they’ve hidden from their whole life.

(oh yeah, that hustle is ALSO a way that you keep yourself numbed out to those emotions that you’re running from. The very emotions that will help you feel truly connected to others. That will attract those clients, that divine partner, that cashola. The emotions that are essential for intuition. Those emotions that will allow you to feel truly lit up about your life).

I help my clients to FINALLY, truly, feel confident and vital, and self-expressed as THEMSELVES. Knowing they’re worthy of receiving lovely and amazing things.

This is a whole system that I’ve developed. And one that you WILL NOT find anywhere else.

It integrates my entire life experience with this very cycle (my clients tell me that I’m my best testimonial).

PLUS, my Ph.D. in psychology.

PLUS deep spiritual and divine connection.

PLUS deep spiritual gifts of on-point intuition and psychic ability.

PLUS, research and up to date neuroscience on change, motivation, and adapatation.

PLUS, 15 years of experience helping people with this very thing as a coach and former psychologist.

PLUS, specialized psychological training in toxic backgrounds, trauma, and abuse.

PLUS, loving, heart-based, expansive mentorship that is like nothing you’ve ever experienced.

If you want to shift out of this cycle for good. You know where to find me.

I have just 2 more spots to step into 1:1 work with me before my prices increase.

You know it’s your time. Because YOU ARE WORTHY!!

Grab a session below by clicking the button. I can’t wait to chat about how one-on-one coaching will change your life forever.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.