How to Show Up As All of You When You Have a Mother* Wound

How to Show Up As All of You When You Have a Mother* Wound

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You Hold Yourself Back

THE ONLY THING THAT’S EVER HELD YOU BACK IS YOUR CONFIDENCE TO BE YOU.

To be exactly YOURSELF.

 All of yourself.

 All your weirdness.

 All of your wildness.

 All of your sweetness.

 All of your eccentricity.

 All of your intelligence.

 All of your boringness.

 All of your COLOR, FLAVOR, AND BRIGHTNESS.

So What If You ARE Too Much?

You are not dim. And yet you’ve spent your life hiding.

When you have a mother* wound, you often feel like you have no choice but to dim yourself.

For fear of outshining her.

Out of fear that what you have to offer isn’t good enough.

That who you are isn’t good enough.

That who you are is “too much” for the world.

What Would Happen If You Dared To Show Up as Your Truest Self

More than that…. if you dare to show up as your truest self, you…

 Fear of not being loved

 Fear of being thrown out of the tribe

 Fear of being rejected

 Fear of who you are not being good enough

 Fear of what you have to offer not being wanted

 Fear of what others might think of you

 Fear that others will reject you

 Fear that being yourself will make others “not want me”.

 

“If someone doesn’t want you for being YOU – let that person go! There are plenty of people out there who will love you for YOU. But, you’ve got to be brave and show up as YOU first.” – Click to Tweet

Your Core Mother Wound

All of this can come from a core mother wound.

A wound that makes you feel that you have to earn love. That you have to earn worthiness. That you have to walk on eggshells and put her happiness above your own.

Because that’s what you learned when you were young. It was how you learned to cope. How you learned to survive.

But that core fear of outshining her is no longer serving you…..

When Being Yourself Seems Like A Threat

ONLY when you show up as your whole self can you truly get what you want.

Love, success, money, connection….. everything.

ONLY THEN can you be the woman who “has it all.”

I remember when I was younger, because of my own past with a mother who was narcissistic, I would often dim my voice, be quiet and demure, and shrink because I wanted to seem “appropriate.”

I felt that I would be embarrassing her or dishonoring her if I was the star of the show.

If I was the star of my own life.

If I showed up as my weird wonderful self.

That this would somehow make me a threat. I was told this both explicitly and implicitly. That I needed to “tone it down” and fit in. 

If Someone Doesn’t Want You for Being YOU – Let That Person Go!

I see this in so many women.

The fear to show up as themselves because of those core wounds.

One way this shows up is how women tend to try to morph themselves into what they think the other person wants them to be when they’re out on dates.

Trying to be quieter, more polite, more “feminine”, less loud or forward. Ordering the salad instead of the cheeseburger. Hiding away who they are. Trying to be less….

This not only sabotages romantic relationships, it sabotages business opportunities and your finances as well.

Here’s the blunt-assed truth….

If someone doesn’t want you because you’re YOU…. then let that person go. They’re just not the right fit for your marvelousness.

Not in romance. Not in business. Not in friendship. Not in anything.

There are plenty of people out there who will love you for YOU.

But you’ve got to be brave and show up as YOU first.

Not Being YOU is Self-Rejection

And frankly, it’s better to find that out NOW than later if someone doesn’t think your jokes are funny, or only dates other meat eaters (and you’re a strict vegan), or doesn’t like animals (and you have 4 dogs).

By holding back, you think that you’re stopping people from rejecting you, but the opposite is true.

By holding back, what you’re really doing is rejecting yourself.

You’re rejecting yourself just as you felt rejected growing up.

You’re replaying the pattern that you fear the most.

Because when you’re holding back and trying to be something you’re not, trying to be “appropriate”, censoring yourself for fear of shining and being “too much” – you’re also holding people back from loving you, from feeling fully connected to you, from really taking your message deep into their soul.

Ultimately, you’re holding people back from even KNOWING you.

And so by holding back, in an effort to try to protect yourself, you’re reinforcing the lie that your mother* instilled in you…..

That you are not enough as you are.

Show Up As All Of You

There IS another way. 

You’ve GOT to show up as all of you.

In all ways.

Because when you’re not, you’re withholding from yourself the very things you seek. By not BEING YOURSELF NOW.

The love, success, and financial success that you so desire. Because you’ve internalized the person who hurt you and keep replaying out those lies. Again and again.

And you convince yourself that the only way to stay safe in this world is to continue holding back. Hoping that somehow it will change her. That somehow if you hold back it will make her treat you better. That if you just stay quiet, stay dim, and keep being the “good girl” that you’ll be more lovable.

You’ve convinced yourself that you have to be someone else in order to be loved. And let’s be frank – you’re not that good of an actress, lol. You can’t put on an act for life.

You’ll find yourself:

 Getting depressed

 Feeling disconnected from others

 Getting irritated easily

 Losing all motivation to keep on going

Because no one wants to play a part for the rest of their lives. And ultimately, you’ll end up self-sabotaging.

And you’ll find reasons to keep holding yourself back and keep quiet. So that you can keep others from seeing the truth.

The truth of who you really are….

 

The Truth of Who You Are

The truth?

You are lovable just as you are. Just as you are, right in this moment.

In fact, it’s exactly who you are that makes you so darn lovable. So dang magnetic. So outstandingly unique.

All that masquerade bullshit is just getting in the way of your true brilliance.

And when you can embrace that truth….

 You no longer seek external validation

 You feel free to embrace your deepest self-expression

 You stop fearing other people’s opinions of you

 And you stop living your life to make others happy

There’s nothing like the feeling of true freedom that comes with healing the mother* wound and overcoming the toxic cycle once and for all. 

To be free to be you in every area of your life and business.

To feel deserving of financial abundance and true success.

And to stop playing out the toxic cycle you learned when you were young.

*(The Toxic Cycle doesn’t just come from The Mother Wound. It can also come from other wounds such as another narcissistic, overly critical, mentally ill, or distant caregiver or sibling as well. But the mother wound tends to be the most damaging because we look to our mothers to figure out who we, as women, are allowed to and supposed to be).

If you’re ready for a ‘hell yes‘ life, join The Abundance Revolution TODAY!

Anxiety. Fear. Playing Small. Stuckness.

You’re living in a prison of your own making.

It’s time to change that forever.

Download NOW for FREE!

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Toxicity & Trauma Make You Feel You’re On Your Own

Toxicity & Trauma Make You Feel You’re On Your Own

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Toxicity Makes It Hard To Ask For Help

A toxic childhood makes it hard to acknowledge you can’t figure it out on your own.

It becomes hard to ask for help. Hard to acknowledge that you have problems.

When you were a child in that toxic environment, you were expected to figure it all out on your own.

To “suck it up” and “be quiet.”  To be the good girl.

To not only manage your own fear and anxiety, but to manage the emotions of those around you by not rocking the boat.

Boat rocking looked like:

  Crying

 Getting angry

 Admitting that things “weren’t okay”

 Asking for help

 Being afraid

 Telling someone older than you that something was wrong at home (one of the CARDINAL sins when you come from a toxic childhood)

So you swallowed it all down.

You went it alone.

You Had To Go It Alone

When you were a child you were stuck figuring it all out on your own, and that pattern has likely followed you into adulthood.

The disappointments that came from the few times you did reach out, and were admonished or met by punishment, taught you that you couldn’t trust others.

That you couldn’t bring all of who you were to others. The pain. The frustration. The anxiety. The fear.

You had to show them the facade. The “shiny happy version” of you that didn’t cause any trouble.

You learned that when you to admited you had problems, that you were causing problems.

And more problems was the last thing you wanted.

So you learned to be silent.

You swallowed it down further.

You Suffered in Silence

You figured that it was all on your back and that you had to suffer in silence.

Even if it took you three times as long to figure it out, you’d do it on your own.

Even if you couldn’t find the answer, you’d find a way.

Even if you were stuck and afraid and felt like you wanted to give up, you couldn’t let yourself admit to others that you needed them.

 What if they hurt you?

 What if they disappointed you?

 What if they judged you?

 What if they thought you were weak?

And so the path got lonelier and lonelier.

And you felt more and more backed into a corner because there was no one you could turn to when you didn’t know what to do.

“The path is shorter, more joyful, and with far less suffering when you reach out to others and ask for help.” – Click to Tweet

You Don’t Have To Do It Alone

Now, this cycle isn’t without benefits.

Because you’re mad resourceful.

And you’re independent and fierce.

And you do usually figure things out (even if it takes you longer than it would with assistance).

But let’s be straight.

Although you can do it alone, you don’t have to.

We’re not meant to have to do this alone.

The path is shorter, more joyful, and with far less suffering when you reach out to others and ask for help.

You stop spinning in resistance and “really good reasons why” you can’t do the things you really want to do (whether that’s starting your business, making more money, getting that promotion, or meeting your divine partner).

You stop finding reasons to back the “this is too hard” and are able to see that with help, it’s not so bad…

Because finally, you feel like you don’t have to carry the burden all on your own.

It’s like carrying a heavy suitcase.

You can probably do it yourself.

You can manage.

You might strain a few muscles. But you are capable of so much!

But when you finally get the courage to ask for help, you no longer have to carry that weight all on your own.

It actually ends up feeling easy!

Your Shortcut to Success

Asking for, and receiving help from others doesn’t mean that you don’t trust yourself.

It doesn’t mean you’re not capable.

It doesn’t mean that you’re not strong.

All it means is that you’re ready to feel supported, nurture, and free to focus on what’s really important.

Because when you’re unwilling to receive help.

You going to see that mirrored in receiving other things.

 Like a loving partner who has your back.

 Compliments

 More money.

 That raise.

 And that self-worth that tells you you’re enough (and have always been enough).

This is why you hire a coach like me.

To create the shortcut to success.

And to finally learn to receive what you’ve always wanted.

Without having to struggle alone, for far longer than necessary, to get there.

You are not alone.

You are never alone.

Let’s do this together.

 

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Fear of Success is Really About This Secret You’re Carrying

Fear of Success is Really About This Secret You’re Carrying

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The Fear of Being Found Out

Fear of success often looks like fear of being found out.

That’s how it looked for me.

I’ve carried around this burden for years of “how did I turn out so good?” When i came from such a terrible background.

The Baggage of a Toxic Background

I was an only child in a house with one narcissistic and one alcoholic parent.

I was verbally and psychologically abused growing up regularly. Screamed at. Berated. Belittled in front of friends. Forgotten. And taught to “lie” to make things easy.

But none of those things are who I am. Somehow, I’m honest to a fault. I hate lying. I hate selfishness and abusiveness.

And yet there was always a fear beneath it all that “maybe that’s who I really am”.

How could I be made up of this DNA, but still be good?

Am I actually good?

Which is essentially asking “am I good enough?”

Hiding The Shame of Who I Really Am

I was scared of being found out by the world. That somehow my skin would be torn off and I’d be some crazy looking shriveled up alien reptile underneath and everyone would be appalled.

So I kept the world at arm’s length.

Not letting myself get too deep into anything.

  • My relationships
  • My desires
  • Even my business

Deciding it was easier NOT to be vulnerable.

That it was easier to just be protected and keep myself safe.

But I wasn’t really keeping myself safe. Rather, I was hiding the secret shame of who I was afraid to be found out to be.

The shame of who I really am.

Not a bad person. But a person who was born to not great people.

“Honor every single damn piece of you.” – Click to Tweet

I Thought I Was Broken

I don’t have the awesome loving supportive family that I saw others with.

And I thought it made me “less than.”

Somehow wounded and wrong and bad.

Broken.

Instead of understanding that in fact, it made me see.

It made me see my clients so clearly….

To be able to hold their pain. And their hearts.

Blessings in Disguise

My challenging background allowed me to find another level of compassion for people.

Compassion for things that my clients had judged themselves so harshly for.

Compassion for things that my clients had made themselves feel like they were a villain for.

It allowed me to not be afraid of the shadow.

Of the fear.

Of the sadness.

Of the pain of others.

And instead allowed me to hold onto pieces of my clients that had never been held before.

To hold them tight in love and honesty, where in the past they may not have felt worthy of it.

And more than anything, it allowed me to be kind.

To realize that fear, pain, and confusion don’t necessarily make you bad. And don’t taint your soul. They don’t put you into a locked closet of harshness.

They can instead make you kind, and loving.

You see, I know what it’s like to come from a past where you weren’t allowed to set boundaries. Where you didn’t have enoughness reflected back to you. Where you wondered if you were truly loved.

 

Enoughness Is Your Birthright

Luckily. You can learn that the enoughness you didn’t feel growing up has always been within you.

And you can learn to turn that bountiful heart toward yourself.

To turn that kind heart, the one that somehow wasn’t shattered, into a place where the light gets in.

Honor your heart dear ones. Honor your journeys. Honor the pain and the strife.

Honor every single damn piece of you.

Because you are marvelous.

And each piece composes the entirety of who and what you are.

You too can release the shame and guilt from your past.

To stop living from your hurts.

And to stop wasting all your energy on protecting your sore spots.

To learn to trust yourself. To trust your heart. To trust your instincts. To be firm in what you deserve. And to never settle for how things used to be ever again.

Your pain, your difficulties, they have created you into the incredible, kind, and amazing person you are.

Honor it. Hold it. Allow yourself to accept and love it. ALL of it.

All of you.

Your True Self Is Beautiful

If you’d like help learning to honor and hold tight to the beauty of ALL of you. To build real and abiding self-worth, self-confidence, and finally put yourself FIRST so you too can overflow with love. Then it’s time we talk about working one-on-one together.

My work will help you see that you are so much more than you’ve ever thought. And that there’s nothing you have to do to be it except embrace, accept, and love ALL of you.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

How to Help the Broken Child Within

How to Help the Broken Child Within

When I was a child, my mother wouldn’t touch me much at all.

And because of that, I’ve had a belief my whole life that I’m unwanted.

Bullied when I was in grade school.

Marginalized and without many friends because I was pushed ahead due to being bright. It was a hard road to feel young and an outcast at school.

And then come home and with parents fighting so terribly that there was barely an opportunity for me to be seen.

I misbehaved. I got terrible grades.

And then I started succumbing to the “good girl” ideal that if I just was “better” they’d treat me “better”.

I Tried to Be What Everyone Wanted Me To Be

So I was a good student. I towed the line. Didn’t talk back.

And disappeared even more into a persona of what other people wanted me to be.

And I was still invisible. Still unimportant. Still yearning to be wanted by someone. Anyone.

Rebellion followed.

Years of substituting sex for love.

Of being engaged to a “nice man” who was a safe bet but who never really knew the real me.

Because of this core mother wound, I would push good things away from me before they could reject me.

Push, push, push. I’ve walked through life for a very long time as a broken child.

One who carries the secret burden, the secret fear, that she’s unwanted deep within her soul.

This Discovery Shifted Everything

But I discovered something powerful. That when I lose my self-consciousness and live from my heart that the world shifts on its axis.

Instead of being a magnet that repels. I become a magnet that attracts. Just by no longer thinking about what other people think about me. Assuming that they think or feel or believe the best until proven otherwise. By discovering the deep power of shifting out of protection, and into openness.

You see, when we push everything away from us, we cannot be open to receive the wonders that the world has in store. No dreams can come rushing through the door. Because we’ve closed it and padlocked it for fear of someone breaking in.

There’s Another Option

Will we get hurt by being open? Yes, of course.

But that’s what good boundaries are for.

That’s what trust in the self is about.

That’s what epic love and nurturing of the self helps you with.

Knowing exactly what’s acceptable to you, understanding you’re worth it, and trusting yourself to leave if those standards aren’t met.

Just because important others in your life haven’t accepted you and loved you, doesn’t mean the rest of the world will receive you that way. Just because it hasn’t been safe to be yourself with your family or your old friends, doesn’t mean that that’s “true” and that you can’t be yourself.

“You cannot be hurt by love. You can only be hurt by refusing love, pushing love away, or losing the love that would have been yours if you’d just shown up as all of you.” – Click to Tweet

It Is Safe To Be You

It’s time to turn the whole world on its axis. And stop assuming the world “isn’t safe”. And start seeing that you’re always safe. Because you’re always in the loving embrace of your own self-acceptance and love. And when you know that down to the bones. Then self-expression becomes your nature. And you no longer push away that which might hurt you. Because you cannot be hurt by love. You can only be hurt by refusing love, pushing love away, or losing the love that would have been yours if you’d just shown up as all of you.

Love Can Mean Many Things

And when I refer to love – that’s what running a business is – love of what you have to bring to the world. Of others. Of service. Of your soul’s message.

That’s what being fully present with your children is – a graceful expression of love of self, showing them how it’s done.

That’s what loving your partner in the most profound way is – loving yourself enough to fully let go of controlling them, and just love them.

That’s what having all your dreams come true is. Loving yourself enough to decide on what you want. Deciding you’re worthy of it. And claiming it.

 

Trust Me

Being yourself can be so so scary. Because it could mean you’re rejected for the thing that is closest and dearest to you.

But you must trust that you’ll be okay.

That you’re sensitive, and strong, and bright.

And to cheat the world out of your light for fear of it being dimmed is no way to live.

And it just dims the light you’re keeping fear anyway.

Share that big beautiful light of yours.

Open up. Live from your heart.

It’s the most precious and valuable risk you’ll ever take.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. I’m powerfully psychic and have over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Stop Protecting Those Who Failed to Protect You

Stop Protecting Those Who Failed to Protect You

For many years I have held myself back from naming many of the things that have happened to me.

In a conditioned belief that it was my job to protect those who didn’t protect me.

But I see now that I have cheated not only myself but my clients and those I impact, out of fear of speaking the truth.

Believing You Must Keep Silent

When you come from a background where you were abused, bullied, or made to feel like a terrible person you often carry a secret responsibility to “quietly hold the family secrets”.

So you silence yourself for fear of shaming or guilting others.

Not realizing that you’re actually silencing and shaming yourself.

There’s No Need to Hide

Be honest with yourself. Share your vulnerable heart. Stand up and own what happened in the past.

It does not define you.

It defines them.

There’s no need to hide it anymore.

It’s not your duty to protect them.

It’s time for YOU first now.

Because self-first is not self-ish

“Because self-first is not selfish.” – Click to Tweet

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. I’m powerfully psychic and have over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

The Mother Wound

The Mother Wound

First off, happy Mother’s Day to all of you kickass mothers out there.

However, I want to talk about a very different aspect of Mother’s Day for many of us.

A dark secret that many of us carry.

That Mother’s Day can be a painful and lonely day filled with sadness and memories for those of you with a challenging relationship with your mother.

When your mother is absent, hyper-critical, judgmental, emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive, seems to hurt your feelings for a living, or makes you feel less than.

Mother’s Day can feel like walking through a field of landmines.

It can bring up a ton of grief. Feeling like you missed out on a close relationship that you see around you on all the greeting cards and tv commercials.

On that day that’s filled with joy for so many, it may instead poke at the old wounds that make you ask “why wasn’t I good enough to have a good mother?”

And worse yet, most of us grow up learning to keep it a secret.

You learned to keep the sadness, the pain, the disappointment, the frustration, the sense of not-enoughness buried deep below a sea of trying to put on a happy face.

You carried the burden of trying to maintain the status quo. Of keeping all of this chaos secret. And focusing on keeping other people happy.

When you have a mother wound, you’ve been taught that you must silence your discomfort. You must quiet your rage. You must tuck away your sadness. And instead, focus on keeping other people happy.

Mother wounds can cause all kinds of problems in your life.

Ways The Mother Wound Can Impact You

People-Pleasing:

Put everyone else’s needs above your own. Feeling like you need to have others approval to be “good enough” or worthy. Feeling that if other people don’t approve of your decisions you may be abandoned or rejected. Feeling like you can’t trust yourself and that you must get others approval of your decisions because “you don’t don’t know what you’re doing”. 

Drowning in shame:

A sense of shame and feeling like you have to “make up for” where you came from by being extra good, by proving your worth, by hiding away any perceived imperfections. Minimizing any perceived similarities between you and your mother. Feeling as though anything you do that may be similar means you’re becoming “just like her” and experiencing intense guilt for any similarities (which are unavoidable and not something that you need to feel bad about. You have something to learn from even the most painful circumstances of your life).

Internalizing Problems and Blaming Yourself:

Internalizing blame by feeling that everything that goes wrong (or could go wrong) is somehow your fault. Being afraid of what would happen if you don’t take responsibility for everything that goes wrong (“I should know better. I’m becoming just like my mom”).

Over-Controlling:

Feeling like you must have control or things will fall apart. Wanting to control things because you feel like it’s the only way to control the chaos. This can be in the small things like how your towels are folded, or how you cook your morning eggs. Or it can be in the big things like controlling other people’s behaviors and choices. Or you may even feel the need to know exact plans, research every little thing in depth, or be the one in charge of major decisions or you feel “really out of control”

Fearing Conflict:

Feeling as though every time someone disagrees with you it could turn violent or ugly. That people will hate you if you disagree with them. That you are “bad” if you have different needs or opinions than others want you to have.  That somehow you must be wrong if everyone doesn’t agree with your point of view. And that maybe you should reconsider your own opinion if other people disagree. This is highly related to people-pleasing.

Lacking boundaries:

Fearing setting boundaries with others. Feel that it’s “mean” to set boundaries to tend to be a dumping ground for others. Or fear others so much that you tend to be walled up and defensive and over-protective to keep people from hurting you. Your issues with boundaries can be due to safety fears, fear of abandonment, or not knowing how to set boundaries in a healthy way.

Lacking trust:

Having difficulty trusting others. Feeling like you need to be what other people want you to be in order to be liked and approved of and not trusting them with your real self. Fearing that it’s not safe to show people who you really are. Not being authentic in your relationships.

Feeling like you can’t trust yourself or your own opinions. Fearing that you’re not really worth trusting.

Guilt for wanting more: Feeling bad or not worthy of wanting more money, freedom, joy, time.

Shrinking and Self-Sabotage:

Making yourself small to make others feel more comfortable in order for others to earn love. Getting in the way of your own happiness and success. Stopping yourself short of what you really want.

Fearing that you can’t have it all, so dimming yourself in some way or another so that you’re not threatening to anyone else (examples: gaining weight, drinking too much, procrastination).

When you have a mom who isn’t healthy you literally learn to fear your own awesomeness.

Being afraid of outshining others so making yourself small and more palatable so that others approve of you. Feeling like you’ll be targeted if you do stick your neck out and shine.

When you have a mother wound, you feel the need to shrink so that you won’t outshine her.

Feeling that by being fully yourself, fully vibrant, completely amazing, joyful, free, and absolutely fulfilled means you’re betraying her, betraying others, and somehow responsible for other people’s lack of these things. So you shrink to avoid that sense of responsibility (instead of addressing it head-on).

Putting Up With Crap:

Overlooking poor treatment of others. Making excuses for others poor behavior. Feeling like it’s your fault if others treat you poorly. Having little to no standards for how you’re treated. Allowing others to dump on you. Feeling that it’s your job to take care of everyone around you.

Caretaking: 

Feeling that it’s your job to take care of everyone around you. Putting other people’s needs first, always above your own. Trying to solve other people’s problems for them under the guise of “being nice”. Anticipating problems and the pains of others and trying to “save them” from them. Feeling that you must help others if you sense any discomfort or pain.

Everyone responds to the mother wound differently.

But generally, the response is on one end of the pendulum or another. You exist in the extremes and feel like life is “either/ or”, “good or bad”, and “black and white”.

This is part of the toxic cycle that happens because of the mother wound.

And when you don’t get help overcoming it you will tend to swing your pendulum from one extreme to the other.

From People-pleasing to thinking “screw them, I don’t need anyone”.

From self-blame to blaming others.

From being a dumping ground for others problems to walling yourself up and not being open or available to others at all.

The pendulum is not the answer. It’s part of the problem.

 * * * 

At your core, you fear to betray the contract you signed on for in childhood.

  • The contract to never outshine your mom.
  • The contract to never make too much noise.
  • The contract to be what other people wanted you to be.
  • The contract to put other people’s needs first.
  • The contract to sabotage yourself if you were making anyone else uncomfortable.
  • The contract that that made it “normal” for other people to treat you poorly.
  • The contract that said that you better be happy with what you have and shut up about it.
  • That contract that says that you must squish yourself down and make yourself small so that your mother doesn’t become enraged, sad, or withdraw her love.
  • The contract that states that you have to just “forgive and forget” and that it’s a betrayal to look at these deep wounds and heal them for good.
  • The contract that makes lying okay. That says that “that’s all in your imagination. That never happened!”
  • The contract that says that you can’t become too successful, too wealthy, too attractive, too popular or you may elicit envy, jealousy, anger, or coldness from your mother.
  • The contract that demanded silence, obedience, and putting the responsibility for everyone else’s happiness on your own back.

Oy vey is that a heavy burden to bear.

No wonder the mother wound can dig so deep into your psyche and pop up to cause so much trouble.

* * * 

And when day’s like today come around, we suddenly bump up against those painful points.

  • Those points that you’ve been protecting and shielding for so long that you believe are a part of you.
  • Those sore spots that you fear that if anyone else saw, they’d reject you.
  • Those bumps and bruises that you feel make you damaged, wrong, and not good enough.
  • Those painful places make you push others away, fear trusting, and push your feelings down into the dark to escape from.
  • Those ouchy places that still cry out, longing for soothing.
  • The young you that still wishes she could receive the love and nurturing that she never received.

All of these raw and open wounds inside of you long for healing.

And yet you feel that you’re not entitled to healing.

That this is just your burden to bear.

That you must “suck it up” because she’s your mom.

Because your mom did so much for you.

Because you’re loyal and loving and if you bring all of this out into the open in order to deal with it, it would mean you’re betraying her. You’re betraying your loyal and loving heart. Betraying the core of who you are.

No wonder you’ve kept silent and kept shoving down the pain.

But the truth is. Your silence does not fix your mother. Or stop her from suffering.

It just perpetuates your suffering.

It perpetuates the shame. The secrets. The lying to yourself saying that you’re “being dramatic”.

It creates a no-win scenario where you’re carrying around your mother’s wounds inside of you and blaming yourself for them. Feeling like maybe you can heal them, or soothe them, by just being “better” or reigning yourself in more from who you really are.

* * * 

Ignoring this wound has major consequences.

Like a wound on your body that you refuse to seek treatment for, it will rot. That rot spreads. You shrink more and more, get more and more exhausted trying to keep up the façade and feel true happiness, joy, contentment, and enjoyment are a myth that someone came up with to torture you.

You’ve got to air out the wound.

You’ve got to open it to the light.

What you’ve longed for lies on the other side of it.

Because you can stop being imprisoned by the mother wound when you stand up with the courage to say “no longer. I will no longer live this way”.

Overcoming The Mother Wound Will Change Everything For The Better: 

  • Feel Free To Shine: Stop fearing your own brilliance and start shining like a beacon
  • Authentic Happiness: Find joy, delight, and gratitude in things that used to feel like a burden.
  • Empower Your Intuition. Feel all of your feelings and see them as tools and information that helps you connect with your true path.
  • Normalize All Emotions. Cultivate the skill to sit with both your own and other people’s “uncomfortable” emotions.
  • Self-Nurturing. Nurture yourself and drop the guilt around giving to yourself and treating yourself like a beloved. Like you wish your mother had treated you.
  • Drop The Need For Control. Stopping the cycle of feeling like other people are rejecting you when they don’t live up to your very narrow expectations.
  • Silence The Inner Asshole — the internalized judge, critic, and abuser who makes you feel small, not good enough, and rips you apart any chance it gets. To stop renting space in your head to people who have been abusive or unkind to you.
  • Cultivate Healthy Relationships. Feel more intimate and connected to others as you become more intimately connected with yourself.
  • Worthiness: Feel that you are worthy, worthwhile, and that you deserve everything you’ve ever desired.
  • Unconditional Love: Both give and receive unconditional love — unbound by the need to control and manipulate in order to feel like you’re “enough”
  • Feel Good Enough and Authentic. Feel loved and adored and good enough in your own skin. No longer feeling like you have to be something you’re not. No longer craving approval in order to feel worthy.
  • Discover YOU. Who you truly are. And become fully authentic and self-expressed.
  • Trusting yourself. Trusting others. Trusting the divine. And trusting in life itself.

* * * 

You are no longer that child.

You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time.

You protected your precious heart.

And here you are today. Ready to take a leap toward becoming the woman you’re meant to be.

Finally feeling the courage to stop having to be the child who molded herself into what others wanted her to be in order to be loved.

You’re ready to embrace your freedom.

You are prepared to fly.

Knowing the doorway lies through being honest and open and addressing the wounds that you’ve kept secret, and silent, and tucked away inside of you for so long.

It’s the most rewarding journey you’ll ever take in your life.

This is the work I do with my clients. I help them move through these ways of coping and stop feeling like they have to protect the sore places inside. And instead, heal them for good. Becoming joyful, ecstatic, and open to receive what they’ve always wanted in life.

When your heart and soul know that you can’t live like this any longer.

When you’re ready to breathe deep a sign of contentment.

When you’re done with playing small for others comfort.

When you’re ready to become ALL of you.

And to invite in success and achieve more than you ever thought possible.

I’m here to help

 Transform your life from an “I guess” to a “Hell Yes!” with this free ebook

It’s time to release the Toxicity & Trauma that’s been keeping you stuck for good.

 

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. I’m powerfully psychic and have over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.