When I was a child, my mother wouldn’t touch me much at all.
And because of that, I’ve had a belief my whole life that I’m unwanted.
Bullied when I was in grade school.
Marginalized and without many friends because I was pushed ahead due to being bright. It was a hard road to
And then come home and with parents fighting so terribly that there was barely an opportunity for me to be seen.
I misbehaved. I got terrible grades.
And then I started succumbing to the “good girl” ideal that if I just was “better” they’d treat me “better”.
I Tried to Be What Everyone Wanted Me To Be
So I was a good student. I towed the line. Didn’t talk back.
And disappeared even more into a persona of what other people wanted me to be.
And I was still invisible. Still unimportant. Still yearning to be wanted by someone. Anyone.
Years of substituting sex for love.
Of being engaged to a “nice man” who was a safe bet but who never really knew the real me.
Because of this core mother wound, I would push good things away from me before they could reject me.
Push, push, push. I’ve walked through life for a very long time as a broken child.
One who carries the secret burden, the secret fear, that she’s unwanted deep within her soul.
This Discovery Shifted Everything
But I discovered something powerful. That when I lose my self-consciousness and live from my heart that the world shifts on its axis.
Instead of being a magnet that repels. I become a magnet that attracts. Just by no longer thinking about what other people think about me. Assuming that they think or feel or believe the best until proven otherwise. By discovering the deep power of shifting out of protection, and into openness.
You see, when we push everything away from us, we cannot be open to receive the wonders that the world has in store. No dreams can come rushing through the door. Because we’ve closed it and padlocked it for fear of someone breaking in.
There’s Another Option
Will we get hurt by being open? Yes, of course.
But that’s what good boundaries are for.
That’s what trust in the self is about.
That’s what epic love and nurturing of the
Knowing exactly what’s acceptable to you, understanding you’re worth
Just because important others in your life haven’t accepted you and loved you, doesn’t mean the rest of the world will receive you that way. Just because it hasn’t been safe to be yourself with your family or your old friends, doesn’t mean that that’s “true” and that you can’t be yourself.
It Is Safe To Be You
It’s time to turn the whole world on its axis. And stop assuming the world “isn’t safe”. And start seeing that you’re always safe. Because you’re always in the loving embrace of your own self-acceptance and love. And when you know that down to the bones. Then self-expression becomes your nature. And you no longer push away that which might hurt you. Because you cannot be hurt by love. You can only be hurt by refusing love, pushing love away, or losing the love that would have been yours if you’d just shown up as all of you.
Love Can Mean Many Things
And when I refer to love – that’s what running a business is – love of what you have to bring to the world. Of others. Of service. Of your soul’s message.
That’s what being fully present with your children is – a graceful expression of love of self, showing them how it’s done.
That’s what loving your partner in the most profound way is – loving yourself enough to fully let go of controlling them, and just love them.
That’s what having all your dreams come true is. Loving yourself enough to decide on what you want. Deciding you’re worthy of it. And claiming it.
Being yourself can be so so scary. Because it could mean you’re rejected for the thing that is closest and dearest to you.
But you must trust that you’ll be okay.
That you’re sensitive, and strong, and bright.
And to cheat the world out of your light for fear of it being dimmed is no way to live.
And it just dims the light you’re keeping fear anyway.
Share that big beautiful light of yours.
Open up. Live from your heart.
It’s the most precious and valuable risk you’ll ever take.