Important – 2 weeks with Typhoid

Important – 2 weeks with Typhoid

Oh gurrrl!

Did you hear that I came down with Typhoid Fever two weeks ago?

Oh lawdy! It’s been a challenge to say the least. It’s like the stomach flu with a constant high-grade fever that could have ended up with quite severe health consequences if we hadn’t caught it when we did. What was even scarier was that I was sick with this, alone, in a foreign country. I had the support of my Balinese hosts. I had a friend who went and got me some charcoal. But there was no family or bestie or partner who was at my bedside holding my hand, assuring me everything was going to be okay.

And let me tell you, something like a tropical disease can really put things into perspective. It was scary. So let me ask you a couple of questions that went rolling around in my fever-addled brain over the past two weeks. Confronting the abyss of fear that losing your health makes you confront.

Now take a moment and think: What’s really important to you. Like really the most important thing to you. Because the truth is that most people are NOT going after what they really want. They’re going after a shadow desire – not the real core desire.

Here’s an example. I see hundreds of entrepreneurs online chasing “7 figure businesses”. But I ask myself whenever I see these posts “what is it that these people are really after?” Like a million dollars is cool and all. And I think we’d all like to have a million dollars – I mean, let’s get real. I’ll take a cool million. Hell yeah! But WHY. WHY do you want a million dollars? WHAT’S THE POINT?

Security. Safety. Something to fall back on. Sure. But most often, the reason that people want a 7 figure business is to show it off. To show off what they have to other people to demonstrate “I’ve made it. I’m important. I’m worthy of a million dollars. So I’m finally worthy enough.” The figure becomes a badge of worthiness. Something that the person has decided that will finally make them good enough. “Once my business is that big I’m going to feel like I’m so successful. I’m going to finally feel like I made it. I’ll finally feel like I can relax.”

Uuuum, yeah….. I’m going to call major bullsh*t on that. Because that’s just not how this works. You see, when you have a goal post, be it a million dollar a year business, a size 4 dress size, or a 6-foot tall handsome adoring husband. No matter what the goal posts are. If you’re hinging finally feeling good enough, or happy, or satisfied, or contented, or connected once you get there then you will always move the goal posts. Because, news flash, you’re not going to feel good enough once you get there. You’re still going to feel like you’re missing something (cuz worthiness, like happiness, like all of it, is an inside job).

Suddenly a 7 figure business is a “fluke” and you feel that you need to have an 8 or 9 figure business to have finally “made it” or be making an “impact”. You’ll feel like you still need to lose weight, be prettier, be more fit in order to be really happy with your body (this is why eating disorders and body dysmorphia is so prevalent in our society – cuz those goal posts keep moving!!). You’ll feel like you have to work really hard to earn the love of that husband, feeling insecure, wondering about the sincerity of your love. It hurts to think about.

But contentment just doesn’t come in the package of meeting a goal. It doesn’t come in the package of “finally getting what you want”. So, if you’re not going to be happy once you reach those goals, what’s the point of having those goals? The one and only singular reason to go after the goal is because it makes you feel happy in the seeking of it. Because you feel contentment, satisfaction, and gratitude in the seeking of it. Not ONLY in the achievement of it.

Because here’s the deal that hit me like a hurricane when I was sick out of my head, basically watching the walls swim in my fevered state.

  • Life is for living NOW.
  • Joy is for having NOW.
  • Love is for sharing NOW.
  • Happiness is for enjoying NOW.
  • Contentment and satisfaction are dishes that you are to consume NOW.

Stop waiting and putting off till tomorrow or next week or next year or until the kids’ graduate or until your business is more successful or until you’ve healed more what you can have NOW. You have been given this audacious gift of LIFE. And unfortunately, sometimes it takes until we face an illness that

How Society Stops You From Dreaming! WAKE UP!

How Society Stops You From Dreaming! WAKE UP!

There’s a BIG secret in our society that keeps you STUCK! It’s time to WAKE UP!!
Spinning your wheels trying to be happy with what doesn’t (and never could) make you happy.
Watch the video. Because you’ll continue to be trapped unless you wake up and free yourself!
It’s time to prioritize living the life you’ve always wanted.

To live and breathe your dreams. And to step fulling into a “hell yes” life where you KNOW that anything is possible.

The first step is joining us over in The Abundance Revolution where we dive deep into how to set yourself free!

You Don’t Have To Be Perfect

You Don’t Have To Be Perfect

I fucked up. I’ve fucked up more times than I can count on all my fingers and toesies. I’ve made epic mistakes. In lovers, in friends, in money, in whom I’ve gone home with at the end of those long dark nights when I used to be afraid to be alone. I’ve fucked it all right up again and again.

So many times I’ve thought “I’ve chosen so wrong. I’ve messed it all up”. I would get that sinking feeling on my shoulders “I might as well throw in the towel. I might as well give up.” as I saw all of it, all of those half baked dreams filter through my fingers and pour down the drain. As I watched everything I wanted drift away from me like a puff of smoke.

Throughout my life, my immediate urge upon feeling that “I’ve fucked it up” feeling has been to throw in the towel and hide. To tuck my head safely in the sand and hide away from the world. From the deep deep shame I had for not being perfect. For not achieving what I set out to achieve. Of not being what I thought I should be. I’d judge myself harshly.

Point a bony old woman’s finger at myself and dig at the root of my soul saying “how dare you”.

  • How dare I be a 40 year old single woman, never married, with no kids.
  • How dare I not own a house, or much of anything really.
  • How dare I have a PhD that’s mostly unnecessary for my chosen career path.
  • How dare I travel the world and prioritize freedom.
  • How dare I come from a family that could have turned me into a narcissistic alcoholic. But somehow turned me into a kind hearted kid.
  • How dare I believe that none of my fucks ups matter.

Breaking the rules means fucking up.

I’ve fucked it up so much it’s not even funny. And I still fuck it up. I still sometimes make half starts and impoverished choices from a place of fear. I still wonder if I’m not as brave as I seem. I still make a show of my confidence and feel like a small timid child inside at times.

I had a friend once who told me that I was a hypocrite because I “didn’t have it all figured out” yet, but was helping people overcome their own issues (boy oh boy was that a punch in the gut). Thankfully I’ve finally discovered the truth…. That we all fuck it up. And we will fuck it up. Again and again. And that there’s no protecting yourself from fucking it up. And accepting that is the only way to be happy. Is the only way to be aligned with your highest self.

Because as long as you’re expecting perfection, you’re operating from ego. As long as you believe that you have to be “something” to be worthy, you’re telling yourself lies. As long as you fear that you’re not enough until someone tells you you are, you’re stealing your self-worth from yourself and wondering why you’re poor.

You must acknowledge your humanness and give yourself the grace to fuck it up. To love and accept the grand mess that you are at times. To stop judging and shaming and guilting yourself. And to be in the grace and service of the real authenticity of self.

  • The self who doesn’t have to be perfect to be confident.
  • The self who doesn’t have to have all the answers to speak up.
  • The self who can look stupid, and trip on her shoes, and laugh at the imperfect cacophony of being a REAL person.
  • The self who can play, and have fun, and get messy, and make mistakes because you realize that’s how you learn. 

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes

– Oscar Wilde

Life is not an operation in seeing how perfect you can get. That’s not enlightenment. It’s not about seeing how far away you can get from the chaos and the mess and the craziness of it all. It’s about being okay in the midst of it. In the midst of fucking up. In the midst of fearing catastrophe.

You do not have to be perfect.

Scratch that…. You cannot be perfect.

So when will you cut yourself a break and accept all of it? All of the wonderful messy masterpiece that you are? To love yourself fully? To give yourself the compassion and grace you give others? There is nothing you can do to separate yourself from your enoughness. From your deservingness.

There is nothing you can’t come back from, if you’re willing to own your imperfection and learn from it.

 

And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.

– John Steinbeck

The only thing that separates you from your highest level of success is trying to be something you’re not. Of never accepting that you’re good enough. Right now. Just as you are.

You are never past the point of no return. Imperfections accepted, fuck ups and all —> enter here.

I’m moving to Bali!

I’m moving to Bali!

That’s right, I’m moving to Bali.

I know, I know. I’ve only been in Hawaii about 14 months. But my divine guidance has pointed me to further horizons to explore.

  It’s been brewing for a while. I think it started to show up in my journal last March.

I have loved my time in Hawaii with my whole heart. It’s been the most amazing place I’ve ever been in my life.

 

I remember speaking to a friend in July and crying my eyes out at the realization that I was being called to move on. To step into the next grand adventure of my life.

 

I cried because I felt selfish. I felt like what I had should be “good enough” and that desiring anything more was selfish.

 

It was another shade of the fears of being a “too much” woman. Fears that I wasn’t allowed this much awesomeness in my life. That I should just hold onto what I had for dear life because who knows if I would ever get any better?

 

(Sound familiar? ahem.).

 

This was actually the same reasoning that kept me in my engagement for so long (we were engaged for 4 years without getting married). The same thing that kept me trying to be successful based on the standards put in front of me by society.

 

I kept thinking I “should” be happy with what I had.

 

But I just wasn’t.

 

It’s interesting, how confusing the practices of BOTH gratitude and not settling can be when we bring them both together. We need to be completely committed to being grateful for what we have right now at the moment while allowing ourselves to yearn and stretch and reach for more.

 

But you can find a middle ground. A place of absolute gratitude that coexists with the desire for what makes your heart thump. They’re not mutually exclusive.

 

So around March I started to feel that soul level yearning. And in July I broke down balling one night with the recognition that it meant that I was moving away from the beauty of what was …. all because I had faith in more. It was like a light switch going off inside of me. Where I knew that I was leaving. And yet I had to struggle through the feelings of “am I selfish?” and “am I crazy?” to dive into what felt right. (pssst, the answer is no to both).

 

Up until recently though,  the timing just didn’t feel right. I felt like there was something left for me to experience here in Hawaii before I moved on.

 

And there was. If there’s been one word to describe my experience in Hawaii it’s been “community”. I’ve connected with some of the greatest people I’ve ever met in my life. With open, conscious, vulnerable, real, intelligent people who I have adored so so much. I’ve learned that when I’m open and real that I attract other open and real people. Recognizing this has been part of why deciding to leave Hawaii has been so difficult.

  Then about three weeks ago my feeling suddenly spun. I had assumed that tickets to leave the country would be outside of what I desired to spend 4 weeks before departure. I had gone to look at a possible place to stay with a friend here in Hawaii through the holidays. But I decided to do one last check on ticket prices just in case.   Low and behold the ticket prices urged me to leap. And this is how the signs from the divine work.   The energy will suddenly feel different. More like an invitation than like struggling against the tide.

This is what surrender to the divine plan feels like.

  Things happen easily and with flow when you’re aligned with your highest self.   You feel open to the opportunities in front of you.   You admittedly might also feel a little nuts too. lol. And maybe that’s okay!   It wasn’t about trying hard or forcing it to happen. It was just about opening up to what was right and what the divine wanted for me. I took it as a sign and just felt ready to leap, so I bought a ticket. I booked a place to stay in the heart of Ubud for 9 days. From there I’ll just explore the area around me and pick a place to settle down for a bit. I assume I’ll be in Bali for most of the winter and explore SE Asia from there. But I have no specific plans or timetables in mind. Just an epic amount of trust and love in my heart and an openness to the lushness of life that lies in front of me.

I’m free falling in trust – knowing that the only thing I need to know is my next right step. Not the whole path. Just the next step.

 

It’s always about the next step and just the next step. And releasing those pesky hows (it’s one of the keys to making the Law of Attraction work)

So, in just over a week I’m departing on a trip that could span 4 months or 4 years. I have no idea. And I’m ridiculously excited to not know for a change.

 

Because, like you, most of my life I’ve spend stuck in the space of trying to control every little thing. Of knowing what will happen next. Of planning for every eventuality. Of knowing concretely what will happen next. 

And yet, that’s the thing, we can’t know. We can’t know what’s in store for us. 

 

The whole game is to trust the process. And really, to realize that the process is the whole thing.

 

The journey is the whole point.

 

So, I’m going on an epic journey, aka living my life full out.

 

I know what I want my life to feel like. I know what I want my life to taste like.  I know how I want to feel every day. I know the types of things I love doing. And I plan to fill my life up to the brim with more of these.

 

And I’m just going to release the rest and trust that the pieces will all fit in according to the divine plan.

 

Yup. I’m pretty much winging life. With 2 suitcases, belief, and a deep inner knowing that tomorrow will always be better than today. It always is. Always. Because each and every day I get better and expand more into the possibilities around me at every turn.

 

I’ll keep you updated here on the blog as I go along the path of my journey.

 

It may seem crazy to some people. But to quote Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind: “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”.  It just feels right.

 

And that’s the only thing I need to know.

Trust, belief, surrender and a leap of faith.

 

I live what I teach.

 

On Friday November 24th, 2017, I’m hosting an EPIC Black Friday sale for 4 days. All of my programs and my membership program will be on sale for 4 special days. I’ll even have a few special spots to work 1:1 with me for an epic savings.

 

But you’ve got to be on my email list to get the notification. If you’re not yet SIGN UP HERE.

 

Love and aloha,

 

Dr. Ash

 

 Transform your life from an “I guess” to a “Hell Yes!” with this free ebook

It’s time to release the Toxicity & Trauma that’s been keeping you stuck for good.

 

Are You Addicted To “More”?

Are You Addicted To “More”?

Sometimes I struggle with the fact that I’m a money mindset diva and someone who does not subscribe to having to have “more”. And then I remember – oh yeah, that’s the basis of everything I teach about money mindset.

See, our society is obsessed with more. More money especially. We figure if we make more money we’ll finally be happy. Finally be satisfied. Finally be able to breathe, to stop being sto stressed, to stop worrying, to stop being so afraid all the time, to stop trying to control everything.

That’s not how this works! That’s not how any of this works!

That Geiko meme comes to mind:

Let’s get this straight right now.

Money doesn’t fix your problems.

Money doesn’t make everything all better.

Money doesn’t make you instantly happier.

Research even supports this. Beyond about $75,000 per year, there are no statistical increases in happiness with making more money.

So why the heck is everyone obsessed about money?

Because they’ve hung the responsibility for everything they ever wanted on those dollas! (or Euros, or Pounds, or whatever domination rings your bell).

People do this with their bodies too. Make their bodies responsible for the success or failure of everything in their life “If I’m thinner, then I’ll be loved”. “Once I lose weight, then I’ll write my book”.

Same holds true for money (and for marriage, or having kids, or doing a backbend. It’s kind of funny how we pin responsibility for our happiness on anything and everything imaginable, except for the only thing that really has responsibility for our happiness.

You, right now, are the only thing that your happiness is contingent upon.

Not your bank account. Not the number on the scale. Not your relationship status. Not your followers on Insta.

You. Your attitude. Your thoughts. Your emotional resonance with your highest self.

Which means that you, right now, have the capacity to be the happiest you’ve ever been in your life.

But you’ve gone and put all this stuff  in between you and happines.

Poor money. I mean it gets blamed for so much misery when it’s not responsible for any of it.

The funny thing is that it’s that attitude. That blaming “it’s all your fault” attitude toward money (or whatever) that sends what you really want skittering away from you like mice with the lights turned on in the barn.

How to Stop Going to Sleep to Your Desires

How to Stop Going to Sleep to Your Desires

I’ve seen it in myself and in every one of my clients. The thing we think we want often covers up a much deeper more profound desire beneath it.


On my own journey I’ve convinced myself time and again that I’ve wanted something I didn’t really want because it seems more reasonable than the true desires of my heart.


Those desires that seem less risky. Less bold. Less crazy-pants-banana-style wtf is Ashlee thinking decisions.


Like leaving my ex-fiance, my job as a psychologist, my ex-life.


I found a journal entry from 2 years before I left my ex-fiance. I talked about how unhappy I was. But for 2 more years I convinced myself I was just fine where I was. And that it was me that was the problem. That I was somehow fatally flawed instead of recognizing that I was numbing myself to what I really wanted. Numbing myself to what I thought was possible.


My ex felt we should buy a “reasonable home” and stay there for the rest of our lives in the same place. In the small town we lived in. Making far less money than our education and skill sets shoud provide. Living the khaki lifestyle of doing the same thing day in and day out. Watching TV every night. Going to the same places for dinner. Having the same conversations again and again.

I was like noooooo. What?

 

But that part of me that was like noooooo!! then went to sleep. I convinced myself that living life this way was reasonable. Was what I should be happy with. That it wouldnt be that bad. That eventually hed come around and want to move to Austin, or Santa Fe or somewhere that lit me up. I even considered trying to just live part time in that town and the other half of the year in another state or country to make it work.

 

What I was really doing was trying to find ways to compromise what I really wanted. Find ways to make the mediocre work for me. Find ways to keep on trucking in a life that was so deeply unsatisfying, so radically underwhelming compared to what I had envisioned when I was younger.

 

But a question one of my friends had asked me years earlier haunted me. Again and again it would ring in my ears.

 

Do you want to live an extraordinary life?

 

I knew that I did. Believing in the crazy dreams in my heart was what got me out of bed in the morning. Even if I was only believing them in secret. Even if I was only allowing myself to subconsciously dream. There was still a part of me that yearned for the life I had dreamed of.

 

And yet I found myself convincing myself to stay put. To keep settling. To stop reaching so high because I was being greedy. That I couldnt possibly be that special or deserve that kind of awesome-sauce life.  

 

So I ate a lot. I watched a lot of tv. I drank loads of wine. I disappeared into a shell of what I once was to try to stop myself from moving forward. I basically zoned out of my life because it was so blah.

 

Just trying to project myself in my imagination right now into this time in my life has my stomach tied up in knots and the young part of me saying nooooo!!.

 

You see, a part of my soul knew there were adventures to be had. Knew that there was an untold horizon that I could walk out to and experience things greater than I could ever imagined. Part of me knew this so deeply that I was making myself sick trying to ignore it.

 

I was caging a lioness inside of my own skin and she was clawing and roaring at my guts. Tickling my organs. Trying to get out.

 

And it came out in a thousand different little ways. Illnesses. Weight gain. Depression. Low energy. Disinterest in other people. Irritation at almost everything. Lack of excitement, passion, awe, laughter.

 

I had become the opposite of everything that made me me. All because I was trying to convince myself to be content with dreams that werent really mine.

 

I eventually left that relationship. And that small town. And moved to Austin. Have traveled all over the US and soon to be the world. All because I said yes to myself and to my dreams.

 

But lets keep it real and honest here. I still catch myself doing this shit to myself all the time.

 

  • Ive caught myself not keeping commitments to myself because I convince myself that I dont really care about toned arms (Im looking at you pushups).
  • I have stopped myself from going ahead with big bold ideas because I tell myself that theyre stupid and ridiculous.
  • Ive held back from taking a leap from something so great (Hawaii) to something that feels like my next level (Thailand and world travel).
  • Ive stopped myself from really owning what I want because I feared judgment. The who does she think she is? You cant just go DO that kind of thing! (the kind of judgments I used to throw around toward people like me to justify staying put). Ive told myself that this or that idea was just waaay too flipping crazy for someone like ME to do.

 

Any of these ringing any bells for you in your own life?

 

Because everyone has them. Absolutely everyone. In some way or another.

 

You have ways that youre constantly putting yourself back to sleep to your desires, basically hiding from your highest self by taking a pill that makes you a zombie every day.

 

That pill can show up a variety of ways. Either through addictions or through mental gymnastics. Excuses and justifications. Exaggerated worries and fears. Internalized judgments and shame.

 

No matter how you become a zombie and go to sleep to your desires – the results are the same.

 

That sneaky dissatisfaction springing up its ugly little head even though things seem pretty alight and I should be happy.

 

The dissatisfaction that claws on your insides, whispering theres more, that you ignore and tell to shut up because I should just be happy with what I have.

 

If youre feeling this way, heres what to do:

 

1.   Unlock the cage door of your dreams. Take some time to yourself to really allow yourself to dream. So often people dont even take the time to connect with themselves and what they really want. They reason that these kinds of things are silly or selfish. They say that dreaming is for children, that youve got to grow up and get serious. First, fuck that. Why on earth would we ever want to get serious? Stop having fun? No thank you. But when you listen to those voices you keep pushing back looking deeply into your own desires and keep shoving you to the end of the to do list. So go dream. NOW. Go make a bucket list. Make it 100 items long. Let yourself go. Take a notepad into the tub and think about everything youve ever wanted to try, to experience, to taste, to go and let yourself go there.

2.   Ask yourself how youd want to feel every day. Do you want to be peeing your pants laughing every day? Are you feeling that way now? What in your life is draining the laughter out? What would it take to laugh that hard every day?

3.   Ask yourself what your ideal day would look like. Then begin to examine ways that you can start to make that your reality. So, if your ideal day begins with time to meditate. But youre not doing that now. Why not? Whats holding you back from taking 5 – 10 minutes for this every day?

4.   Ask the Miracle Question If your life was just exactly how you wanted it to be, who would be there with you? What would you be doing every day? How would you feel?

5.   If you start to feel difficult emotions dont run from them. Examine what theyre trying to tell you. Difficult emotions (like sadness or frustration) are indications to me that something isnt aligned with my highest self. That somehow Ive gotten off track and its time to look inward to see whats going on. When, in the past, Ive ignored these emotions my soul wont have it and takes it up a notch. Ive experienced repeated illnesses, major weight gain, chronic unhappiness, random aches and pains all because Ive ignored those first indications that Im not following my desires. The lioness inside will roar louder if you ignore her. And things will start to get really uncomfortable until you listen up and say okay, whats going on? and actually listen instead of assuming you already know the answer.

6.   Get used to going to sleep on things over and over and be persistent with waking yourself up again and again. Yeah, I know this one is a pain in the ass. But its the blunt assed truth. And thats what youll always get from me. See, weve all been at that place where we know we want more, were doing it, then something comes along and we distract ourselves from it. We begin busying ourselves with something thats not in line with what we really want. We suddenly have to become the president of the PTA or we become obsessed with learning about the Italian Renaissance. We buy our own bullshit that its unreasonable or too hard. This is resistance. And resistance is going to put you to sleep to what you really want again and again. Its gonna happen. It just will. So your job is to just keep waking up. Keep redirecting. Keep on that path. Like in the movie Moana when she has to stay awake and on the rudder of her ship so that she doesnt get off course. Youve got to stay awake to what you really want.

If you want to wake up to your desires join me for the next live round of Bodacious Money Mindset. This course is about falling in love with money in a way that’s not greedy. One that actually seeds the world with move love. A whole new way relationship with money. 

If you want to wake up to your desires join me for the next live round of Bodacious Money Mindset. This course is about falling in love with money in a way that’s not greedy. One that actually seeds the world with move love. A whole new way relationship with money. 

 

CLICK HERE —-> TO CHECK OUT BODACIOUS MONEY MINDSET

If you’re an advanced manifestor with deep understanding of alignment, but find yourself slipping out of it regularly. Set up a rock strong foundation in alignment that’s built through habit and ritual. This 21 day experience will bring you into alignment every day and teach you how to deeply honor your emotions while keeping aligned with your highest self. November 1st – 21st, 2017. 

 

CLICK HERE —- > TO CHECK OUT MANIFESTING MASTERY