Ask Dr Ash – Messy and Loving it?

Ask Dr Ash – Messy and Loving it?

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QUESTION

Is cleanliness really next to godliness?

On the one hand, cleaning house can lead to the flow of energy and good chi, but on the other hand, tv ads make us worry about it just to sell more products which actually could be worse for us.

Where is the happy medium? If you are truly kind to yourself, shouldn’t you let go of any shame associated with a dirty house?

-Amess Anlovingit

DR. ASH

Great question Amess Anlovingit (and love the pseudonym by the way!). So oooooh dang, there are QUITE a few aspects to this question. So first let me break down my answer and then I’ll dive deeper to address each point.

Summary of my long-ass answer:

 Yes, we’ve been marketed into a cleaning frenzy that may not actually be healthy.

 Patriarchy may be involved in women’s guilt over not having a tidy house.

 Perfectionism and control, especially if you came from a chaotic past, may be why many people are obsessed with cleanliness. And it becomes a way they sacrifice their happiness.

There’s a difference between every day untidiness and piles of crap clogging up the flow of your life. Which may, in fact, be representative of a deeper issue that you’re not addressing.

First, yes, I absolutely believe that the marketing machine has created an intense concern that things aren’t “clean” in order to sell more cleaning products. When you get into holistic health and an organic lifestyle (which I generally am) you realize that simple things like cleaning with vinegar are more effective than many products, which are actually full of poisons and many artificial chemicals. Plus, the influx of “antibacterial” products, soaps, etc. is actually exacerbating the issues that our society has with antibiotic resistance. We need our antibiotics to work for things that matter! And don’t need these substances in everyday cleaning products and soaps. I personally avoid using products with antibacterial properties because of this very reason.

There is also some discussion about how an obsession with “over-cleanliness” has led to an influx of allergies in today’s youth. That by being so clean, we’re actually removing the opportunity for children to get dirty and to strengthen their gut microbiome when they’re young.

As you may know, I live in Bali. And the cleanliness standards here are not what they are in countries like the US or Australia. At first, when I moved I was scared about what that might mean. However, after living here a year and traveling around SE Asia quite a bit I have begun to see that there are fewer infections and few food allergies in the children over here. Although there are cases of what they call “Bali Belly,” this is usually caused by drinking unfiltered water. Not by the cleanliness standards held by those in the society.

Plus, when you think about it, we evolved outside. At one point our species was sitting in the dirt around fires eating food that wasn’t rinsed and refrigerated perfectly. The cleanliness standards we have really only developed over the last 100 years or so. And so I’m not sure how natural this actually is.

So yes, absolutely. I think we’ve all gone a bit overboard with how clean we feel things must be. I came from a household where my house would reek of bleach every Saturday. And this just isn’t the kind of environment I want to live in anymore. I’d rather use organic and natural cleaning methods when possible. 

“Because of the way that cleanliness has been wrapped up in the identity of a good mom, wife, or homeowner it can come with an incredible sense of guilt and shame. It’s not worth it.” – Click to Tweet

Now the second part of the answer is – what about tidiness? Order? Feeling like you can find the clothes you want to wear and the paperwork you’re looking for verses being overwhelmed by piles of stuff on every surface of the house?? There is a sense of necessity about keeping certain things clean (like food, dishes, counters clear of debris) that can attract bugs and other pests for sure. And most people feel as though they can think clearer when they have a clean house where their clothes and dishes are put away regularly.

But here’s something really interesting. Scientific research points out that a messy desk can actually be indicative of a creative and perhaps even genius mind. But what about a messy house? We as a society tend to judge those who have messy houses. And it makes me wonder if there’s an edge of patriarchy involved here where we are judging women for “not keeping the house clean” but see a worker with a messy desk differently?

Research points out that women do most of the house cleaning in a marriage. So the judgments our society puts on messy homes is actually a judgment we’re putting on women for not “being better”. But better at what exactly?

Perhaps we need to examine why a clean house is of the utmost importance. I know some women who have an impeccably tidy house but are miserable. Because they use their tidiness as a key factor in their own perfectionism and control. They try to use a clean house as a way to earn worth and see a tidy house almost as a status symbol. This ends up becoming self-destructive because these same women will harbor a great deal of anger when things get messed up, the towels are folded wrong, or the sink isn’t cleaned to perfection every time the dishes are done. This is part of what I call “everyday codependency” and it’s something that can develop when you come from a Toxic and Traumatic past where you essentially try to control minutiae in your life in order to feel like you have a real sense of control!

But the real scary truth is that we don’t ever really have total control over life.

Because of the way that cleanliness has been wrapped up in the identity of a good mom, wife, or homeowner it can come with an incredible sense of guilt and shame. And I’m 100% with you on this AA – it’s not worth it. No one’s life is improving because you feel guilty and ashamed of your messy house.

Because let’s get real. Life is messy. Kids and pets are messy. Life gets hectic and we get rushed and so the laundry may be permanently housed in the laundry basket, even when it’s clean. Or the dishes may never quite make it back into the cupboard. But we don’t have to allow that to impact our happiness.

The key factor here is discernment on what we’re talking about in terms of messy. Are we talking about the clutter of a life well lived? A life that’s unwilling to be caught up in the perfectionism and false sense of control that a perfectly tidy house confers?

Or are we talking about clutter and keeping things that need to be given away, gotten rid of, and released. Things that are, in fact, keeping us trapped in place because we just refuse to deal with them. This is when I believe Feng Shui really comes in. When we realize that the messiness that we may be harboring is more than the day to day busy-ness of life but instead is hiding something much deeper about how we are unwilling to deal with the baggage of the past, release what’s no longer serving us, or are terrified of still not being good enough, even if we give away all of the clutter.

So as you can tell, this whole messiness question comes with a lot of layers.

Hope I’ve answered the aspect that was specific to you 😉

Got a Question?

Got a question for Dr. Ash? Send them to support@ashleegreer.com and you may find your question featured in one of the upcoming editions!

 

 

Anxiety. Fear. Playing Small. Stuckness.

You’re living in a prison of your own making.

It’s time to change that forever.

 

Download NOW for FREE!

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

What Happens When You Finally Show Up As Your True Self

What Happens When You Finally Show Up As Your True Self

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Taking off the masks of who you thought you needed to be can be terrifying. It can feel like being stripped naked and set out to pasture.

“Everyone might see!!”

Damn straight that they will….

They’ll see you in all of your naked vulnerability. The naked truth of you really are. The truth of your soul showing out of your face.

Finally Showing Up Who You Are

Recently, I had a client share with me that they’ve successfully accomplished what they’ve been trying to do for 10 years. In just a few short months of working one-on-one together: 

 She’s finally feeling comfortable in her own skin.

 Showing up as who she really is, rather than being afraid, or worried, or cynical, or guarded as she once felt about who she was.

 She feels both strong AND compassionate. Both confident AND kind.

And everyone in her life can tell the difference.

When you finally show up as all that you are your whole world will shift on its axis.

You’ll stop feeling as though you have to “fix” yourself, or other people. That you have to fight to wrestle control of reality so that you don’t fall into the chaos of the Toxicity & Trauma you came from.

Instead, you’ll lean into an epic amount of trust and a sense that it’s safe to finally show up as who you truly are.

Help Your Kids By Helping Yourself

Once you show up as who you really are, it’s not just your life that changes. But the lives of everyone around you.

Several of my clients have spoken to me about the incredible difference they’ve seen in their kids, especially their daughters, through our work together. Their daughters have gained confidence in who they are, felt more comfortable in their own skin, in their bodies, stopped settling for mediocre relationships, and left toxic ones behind.

How old a mothers work on herself impact her daughter in this way?

Because children learn through modeling. They learn what’s possible, what’s alright, what’s expected, what’s tolerable through watching their parents.

So when you begin to take a stand for a whole new kind of life not only does your life blossom and shift and open and expand into a whole new level of bliss and happiness…. but everyone around you benefits as well.

“Once you show up as who you really are, it’s not just your life that changes. But the lives of everyone around you.” – Click to Tweet

But Won’t Focusing On Me Mean Abandoning Everyone Else?

This idea has to do with codependency.

You see, one of the most terrifying things that women who come from Toxicity & Trauma deal with is the fear of what will happen if they start to focus on themselves.

They fear that everyone else will fall apart. That things will crumble into chaos. That those who they were once spending so much time caretaking will descend into addictions, crappy decisions, or worse.

But what really happens when these women really finally start to focus on themselves is that they see the lives of those around them improve as well.

You could call it improvement through osmosis. Good vibes. Or even just “learning through observation”.

No matter what you call it, when become the truest version of yourself it will not only pay off big time in your life. But it will pay off in every single person’s life around you as well.

Check out more tips on how to live a “hell yes” life, how to drop the Toxicity & Trauma conditioning from the past, and evolve into the true you by signing up for my free book in the box below.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Live Life Without Regret

Live Life Without Regret

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One of My Life Mottos

 

One of my life mottos is to “live life without regret”.  

It’s interesting. Because there’s so many layers to this one statement.  

When I was in my 20s, the motto meant do all the things!! 

Now, in my 40s, the motto means no matter what happens, regret is a waste of energy! (and, well, do all the things, lol).

 

5 Big Regrets of the Dying

A nurse working in hospice noticed through time that most dying patients had one of 5 regrets.

They were: 

 “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

 “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

 “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

 “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

 “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

These prove the point of my life motto. That the only things you’ll regret on your deathbed are the things you didn’t do, not the things you did do. 

And yet, so many people play it safe. They keep their lives contained in tiny little boxes of conformity. Of “playing nice” and being appropriate. 

They prioritize the opinions of everyone else over what they really most deeply desire.

And they end up sacrificing their happiness, and ultimately their life satisfaction because of it. 

 

How Would You Live Your Life Differently?

An amazing 85-year-old woman, Nadine Stair, from Louisville, Kentucky, provided the words below after someone asked her how she would have lived her life differently if she had a chance.

If I Had To Live My Life Over Again

“If I had my life to live over again,
I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d relax.
I’d limber up.
I’d be sillier than I’ve been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances,
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would, perhaps, have more actual troubles but fewer imaginary ones.
you see, I’m one of those people who was sensible and sane,
hour after hour,
day after day.
Oh, I’ve had my moments.
If I had to do it over again,
I’d have more of them.
In fact, I’d try to have nothing else –
just moments,
one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.
I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I could do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had to live my life over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances,
I would ride more merry-go-rounds,
I would pick more daisies.”

The true you is waiting for you to step up and say “this is my life and I’m going to make it a ‘hell yes’ because I will not settle for a mediocre life anymore.” – Click to Tweet

Don’t Miss Your Chance To Truly Live

Right now, this instant is your chance for freedom. 

To live your life with joy, bliss, and full out aliveness that you’ve read about in stories, but wondered if it’s real. 

I assure you, it is. 

But you’ve got to shift your perspective from “I’ll do it tomorrow” and realize that the only time you can ever make a choice that allow you to live life without regret is now. 

You may never get another the chance to ask that person out on a date. 

You may never get around to painting that masterpiece, or writing your great novel if you don’t start today. 

You’ll never be as young as you are today. 

So what are you waiting for? 

The time to act is now. 

The true you is waiting for you to step up and say “this is my life and I’m going to make it a ‘hell yes’ because I will not settle for a mediocre life anymore. 

The choice is yours. 

The time is now. 

 

Where to start? 

Grab your copy of The No Bullsh!t Guide To Life in the box below. This is a free eBook that will give you immediate steps to take to make your life into a “hell yes” instead of an “I guess”. 

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Set Yourself Free: Cutting Ties with Toxic People

Set Yourself Free: Cutting Ties with Toxic People

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You are the Answer

Stop walking around in a life that’s 2 sizes too small.

Check out this recent podcast.

One of my best interviews ever that will help you understand toxicity in your life, when to cut ties to those relationships, and what to do first before you make that move.

What You’ll Hear In This Episode:

Why a parent’s relationship with an adult child is a privilege, not a right.

Why prioritizing others over yourself is “a big #*!% you!” to your true self.

Where to start when ending a toxic relationship.

The damage caused by keeping everyone around you happy.

How ending a relationship, even after being engaged, sparked personal growth.

“A parent’s relationship with an adult child is a privilege, not a right.” – Click to Tweet

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

You are the Beloved You’ve Been Waiting For

You are the Beloved You’ve Been Waiting For

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All You Need Is You

Being your own best friend. Your own beloved.

Is one of the most important and powerful things you can ever do for yourself.

Because as you anchor into the knowing that you are SO loved by YOU then the NEED for others fades.

You Become Whole

You still want others and desire them. But only those who treat you with the same care, compassion, and value with which you treat yourself.

The neediness fades away from relationships, from your money story, from business, from every aspect of your life.

And you become whole with a sense of enoughness and worthiness that can never, ever be taken from you.

No matter what other people think.

You see, when you’re sitting around waiting for someone else to give you the love you crave, you’re sitting in a fundementally disempowered place that puts feeling good in the hands of others.

“I am the beloved I’ve been waiting for my entire life.” – Click to Tweet

The Ultra-Powerful Point In Your Personal Evolution

When you can finally look yourself in the eye and say:

 “You are the beloved I’ve been waiting for.”

  “You are my best friend.”

  “You are my trusted confidant.”

  “I trust you.”

  “I love you.”

  “You matter.”

  “And you’ve always been enough.”

And truly, deeply believe it.

You’ve come to the ultra-powerful point in your personal evolution where you stop settling for less. Where you drop the need for others approval. Where no one and no thing can ever determine your worthiness, your value, your enoughness ever again.

Because you’ve carved that shit out in stone on the pages of your heart.

You are the Beloved

Say it with me: “I am the beloved I’ve been waiting for my entire life.”

Sing it, sister!

Because YOU ARE THE BELOVED!!!

Supported And Loved

If you want epic and loving support, compassionate guidance, and gentle and nurturing pants kicking on your journey to a relationship with yourself that feels like you finally know down to your bones that YOU are the beloved, then sign up for an insight session below.

I have openings in both my low-cost membership (that includes group coaching, trainings, and psychic guidance and loads more for the cost of a cup of coffee per day).

OR, if you prefer personalized light-speed results, I have space in my 1:1 mentorship for you if you’re ready to own “I am the one.”

If you’re interested, book a free insight session below with me.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Important – 2 weeks with Typhoid

Important – 2 weeks with Typhoid

Oh gurrrl!

Did you hear that I came down with Typhoid Fever two weeks ago?

Oh lawdy! It’s been a challenge to say the least. It’s like the stomach flu with a constant high-grade fever that could have ended up with quite severe health consequences if we hadn’t caught it when we did. What was even scarier was that I was sick with this, alone, in a foreign country. I had the support of my Balinese hosts. I had a friend who went and got me some charcoal. But there was no family or bestie or partner who was at my bedside holding my hand, assuring me everything was going to be okay.

And let me tell you, something like a tropical disease can really put things into perspective. It was scary. So let me ask you a couple of questions that went rolling around in my fever-addled brain over the past two weeks. Confronting the abyss of fear that losing your health makes you confront.

Now take a moment and think: What’s really important to you. Like really the most important thing to you. Because the truth is that most people are NOT going after what they really want. They’re going after a shadow desire – not the real core desire.

Here’s an example. I see hundreds of entrepreneurs online chasing “7 figure businesses”. But I ask myself whenever I see these posts “what is it that these people are really after?” Like a million dollars is cool and all. And I think we’d all like to have a million dollars – I mean, let’s get real. I’ll take a cool million. Hell yeah! But WHY. WHY do you want a million dollars? WHAT’S THE POINT?

Security. Safety. Something to fall back on. Sure. But most often, the reason that people want a 7 figure business is to show it off. To show off what they have to other people to demonstrate “I’ve made it. I’m important. I’m worthy of a million dollars. So I’m finally worthy enough.” The figure becomes a badge of worthiness. Something that the person has decided that will finally make them good enough. “Once my business is that big I’m going to feel like I’m so successful. I’m going to finally feel like I made it. I’ll finally feel like I can relax.”

Uuuum, yeah….. I’m going to call major bullsh*t on that. Because that’s just not how this works. You see, when you have a goal post, be it a million dollar a year business, a size 4 dress size, or a 6-foot tall handsome adoring husband. No matter what the goal posts are. If you’re hinging finally feeling good enough, or happy, or satisfied, or contented, or connected once you get there then you will always move the goal posts. Because, news flash, you’re not going to feel good enough once you get there. You’re still going to feel like you’re missing something (cuz worthiness, like happiness, like all of it, is an inside job).

Suddenly a 7 figure business is a “fluke” and you feel that you need to have an 8 or 9 figure business to have finally “made it” or be making an “impact”. You’ll feel like you still need to lose weight, be prettier, be more fit in order to be really happy with your body (this is why eating disorders and body dysmorphia is so prevalent in our society – cuz those goal posts keep moving!!). You’ll feel like you have to work really hard to earn the love of that husband, feeling insecure, wondering about the sincerity of your love. It hurts to think about.

But contentment just doesn’t come in the package of meeting a goal. It doesn’t come in the package of “finally getting what you want”. So, if you’re not going to be happy once you reach those goals, what’s the point of having those goals? The one and only singular reason to go after the goal is because it makes you feel happy in the seeking of it. Because you feel contentment, satisfaction, and gratitude in the seeking of it. Not ONLY in the achievement of it.

Because here’s the deal that hit me like a hurricane when I was sick out of my head, basically watching the walls swim in my fevered state.

  • Life is for living NOW.
  • Joy is for having NOW.
  • Love is for sharing NOW.
  • Happiness is for enjoying NOW.
  • Contentment and satisfaction are dishes that you are to consume NOW.

Stop waiting and putting off till tomorrow or next week or next year or until the kids’ graduate or until your business is more successful or until you’ve healed more what you can have NOW. You have been given this audacious gift of LIFE. And unfortunately, sometimes it takes until we face an illness that