Neediness Is Blocking Your Desires

Neediness Is Blocking Your Desires

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Shed the Neediness

One of the most common things I hear from my clients is “I don’t even know what I want. I’m not even sure I know what I like!”. But I’m going to share a secret with you. You’ll never be able to connect with what you really most deeply desire until you first shed the neediness that’s blocking it from entering your life.

Life is a lot like a buffet. When you go to the buffet and you’re starving you’re going to stuff yourself with the first thing you see. You’re not going to be able to wait to get to the really good stuff because you’re too hungry.

Neediness is like an emotional state of starvation. You end up grabbing whatever you can just to fill the hole. Whether that’s a subpar relationship, job, or friendships – you end up settling for far less than what would really delight.

Check out the video for more on how not having your needs met is actually blocking you from getting what you most desire.

DR. ASH

Holidays can be a particularly difficult time when it comes to coping with family. Especially if there is a narcissist involved in the equation. But here’s the truth – no one’s opinion of you and your life choices matters except your own.

I know it can seem threatening and confusing when you fear that someone might use your boundaries and distance against you, using it as fuel to a fire that you are not a good daughter. But sit down and ask yourself for a moment – why does it matter? Why does their opinion of you matter?

It matters because the toxicity & trauma from when you were growing up has conditioned you to believe that other people’s opinions of you are not only very important, but a valid reflection of your goodness, your worthiness, and your value in this world.

So sit back for a moment and ask yourself – “What’s the worst that would happen if they say ‘look, everyone, I told you she was a bad daughter’. What would happen? What would the worst case scenario be?”. Perhaps you may have a few family members or people in your parent’s community think ill of you. What else? What other fears are lurking there? Do they offer financial support that they might withdraw? Or emotional support?

Chances are that the biggest thing that would happen is that you’d feel guilty and filled with shame for putting yourself first. For asserting that you deserve to have a happy and satisfied life and doing what you need to do to make that happy.

It’s not what they think of you that’s really bothering you. It’s the internalized fears about what you’ll think of yourself.

You see, no one can really make us feel anything. Think about it. If you were on a crowded subway and bumped into someone and they had the opinion of “look, everyone, I told you she was a bad person!” you’d probably brush it right off and go on with your day because you’ve decided that that person’s opinion isn’t valid. But since you decided, probably when you were young, that your parents’ opinions were valid you feel as though when you go against those opinions you’re doing something wrong.

You’re essentially activating the “bad girl” inside of you that fears being punished. The archetypal inner child that fears that if she breaks the rules she’ll be abandoned and never loved by anyone.

Of course, your adult self knows better than this. And lucky for you she can learn new ways of coping and can decondition all of that old toxicity & trauma that’s kept you locked into the cycle of guilt and shame that has kept you replaying the same patterns over and over.

Plus, as yourself this – if you had to choose either them being disappointed with you and feeling guilty about it OR you getting to be happy, relaxed and relieved which is more important? Which is more valuable?

The answer is pretty obvious to me 😉

This month in The Abundance Revolution, we’ll be talking specifically about surviving the holidays with toxic family.

There’s a lot of other aspects to coping with toxic family during the holidays that I’m super excited to teach. Such as how to shape behavior, how to give yourself an escape hatch, how to deal with grief, anxiety, and depression during the holidays, and how to keep your sanity during a season we’ve all been conditioned to put everyone else first.

Join us in The Abundance Revolution Membership. In this membership, you’ll discover how to cultivate inner strength, self-trust, and resilience so that you can finally feel comfortable putting yourself first without feeling selfish. To decondition those old beliefs, heal the inner child, and finally get what you’ve always wanted. And for a limited time, you can try it for only $22.

Grab your spot today!

“You’ll never be able to connect with what you really most deeply desire until you first shed the neediness that’s blocking it from entering your life.” – Click to Tweet

Revolutionize your Life

This video was based on an in-depth workshop in my membership community The Abundance Revolution. It’s filled with inspiring heart-centered women who are developing deep levels of self-trust and self-love and throwing out all of the old toxic conditioning from the past.

If you’re ready to revolutionize your life, join the group today. I’m going to be adding new exciting features in January and the price will be increasing. So, don’t miss out on your opportunity to join at the current discounted rate!

Click the Abundance Revolution image below to JOIN NOW! 

 

 

Anxiety. Fear. Playing Small. Stuckness.

You’re living in a prison of your own making.

It’s time to change that forever.

 

Download NOW for FREE!

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Boundaries Aren’t Bitchy

Boundaries Aren’t Bitchy

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Bitch Mode Boundaries

Most people hear “boundaries” and they think they have to erect a brick wall that says “STOP”! That they have to go into bitch mode and slap some sense into some people.

But the most effective boundaries don’t work like that.

Boundaries can be kind, inviting, and actually nurture relationships.

Boundaries aren’t about pushing other people back.

They’re not about adopting a “this way or the highway!”

They’re not about coming at people from a place of anger or feeling disrespected.

(In fact, if you’re at that point, you haven’t set your boundaries soon enough).

Setting Boundaries People Want to Follow

Successful boundaries are about expressing your needs and your standards in a way that other people can hear and understand and want to fulfill.

They’re about helping people understand what would make you happy, and how they can give that to you.

It’s about making it clear that by respecting your boundaries, they win too.

Successful boundaries make it easy and fun for people to want to give you what you want.

“There are ways to set boundaries where it feels good for EVERYONE involved.” – Click to Tweet

Don’t Fear Boundaries

Because no one responds well to being bossed around.

No one likes feeling criticized.

People get defensive when they’re approached from a place of anger.

Everyone rebels against orders.

No one wants to hear that harsh critical voice barking out “do this! Not that!”.

And yet, for most women I work with, that’s what they feel that boundaries are.

 “I don’t want to set boundaries, or I won’t be able to stay committed to being loving and caring!”

“I don’t want to set boundaries or I’ll be an asshole!”

“I don’t want to set boundaries or I’ll be abandoning people!”

No wonder you feel like ambivalent about setting boundaries!

Boundaries Are About Love

Boundaries aren’t about abandoning others.

They’re not about being harsh and uncaring.

And they’re most definitely not going to go over well if you’re an asshole about it (lol).

There are ways to set boundaries where it feels good for EVERYONE involved.

Boundaries allow for more intimacy.

Boundaries allow for more vulnerability.

Boundaries actually allow you to be more loving!

Because setting boundaries can be a win-win for everyone.

And when it’s a win-win it’s much easier for EVERYONE to get what they really want.

Now doesn’t that sound fun?

Want more info on how to set boundaries that people actually want to follow? Grab my free ebook bel In it you’ll find a special bonus workshop on setting boundaries that allow you to be MORE loving in your life!  

 

 

 

 Transform your life from an “I guess” to a “Hell Yes!” with this free ebook

It’s time to release the Toxicity & Trauma that’s been keeping you stuck for good.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Live Life Without Regret

Live Life Without Regret

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One of My Life Mottos

 

One of my life mottos is to “live life without regret”.  

It’s interesting. Because there’s so many layers to this one statement.  

When I was in my 20s, the motto meant do all the things!! 

Now, in my 40s, the motto means no matter what happens, regret is a waste of energy! (and, well, do all the things, lol).

 

5 Big Regrets of the Dying

A nurse working in hospice noticed through time that most dying patients had one of 5 regrets.

They were: 

 “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

 “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

 “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

 “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

 “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

These prove the point of my life motto. That the only things you’ll regret on your deathbed are the things you didn’t do, not the things you did do. 

And yet, so many people play it safe. They keep their lives contained in tiny little boxes of conformity. Of “playing nice” and being appropriate. 

They prioritize the opinions of everyone else over what they really most deeply desire.

And they end up sacrificing their happiness, and ultimately their life satisfaction because of it. 

 

How Would You Live Your Life Differently?

An amazing 85-year-old woman, Nadine Stair, from Louisville, Kentucky, provided the words below after someone asked her how she would have lived her life differently if she had a chance.

If I Had To Live My Life Over Again

“If I had my life to live over again,
I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d relax.
I’d limber up.
I’d be sillier than I’ve been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances,
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would, perhaps, have more actual troubles but fewer imaginary ones.
you see, I’m one of those people who was sensible and sane,
hour after hour,
day after day.
Oh, I’ve had my moments.
If I had to do it over again,
I’d have more of them.
In fact, I’d try to have nothing else –
just moments,
one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.
I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I could do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had to live my life over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances,
I would ride more merry-go-rounds,
I would pick more daisies.”

The true you is waiting for you to step up and say “this is my life and I’m going to make it a ‘hell yes’ because I will not settle for a mediocre life anymore.” – Click to Tweet

Don’t Miss Your Chance To Truly Live

Right now, this instant is your chance for freedom. 

To live your life with joy, bliss, and full out aliveness that you’ve read about in stories, but wondered if it’s real. 

I assure you, it is. 

But you’ve got to shift your perspective from “I’ll do it tomorrow” and realize that the only time you can ever make a choice that allow you to live life without regret is now. 

You may never get another the chance to ask that person out on a date. 

You may never get around to painting that masterpiece, or writing your great novel if you don’t start today. 

You’ll never be as young as you are today. 

So what are you waiting for? 

The time to act is now. 

The true you is waiting for you to step up and say “this is my life and I’m going to make it a ‘hell yes’ because I will not settle for a mediocre life anymore. 

The choice is yours. 

The time is now. 

 

Where to start? 

Grab your copy of The No Bullsh!t Guide To Life in the box below. This is a free eBook that will give you immediate steps to take to make your life into a “hell yes” instead of an “I guess”. 

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

When Crazy Is The Best Path

When Crazy Is The Best Path

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Logic Is Over-rated

Some may call me crazy. And perhaps I am. But I’d also like to think I’m a visionary….

Logic didn’t get me to living in Hawaii for 14 months, off-grid on an organic farm.

It didn’t get me to quit my job as a psychologist. To leave my engagement – that looked great to everyone else.

And it sure the fuck didn’t take me to Bali.

I actually remember sitting out on my lenai in Hawaii crying, thinking “are you crazy! You want to move to Bali? You’re going to leave paradise to move to some unknown place you’ve never been to an 11 hour flight away?”

But I had to follow my heart.

My heart knew.

Lead With Your Heart

I live by the brilliance of my heart.

My heart leads the way.

Every time I make a decision that serves my highest good it’s because my heart was in charge, not my mind.

My mind likes to come up with all these “reasons” that sound perfectly reasonable.

 “You’ve never been to SE Asia”

 “It’s hard to live in another country”

 “You’ll have to take even less with you than you have now”

 “You won’t know anyone, you won’t know the language, you won’t have your friends close by for a safety net”.

They all sound like perfectly reasonable reasons not to move to Bali.

But they were all just bullshit fears and excuses that I was throwing up for myself to try to give myself a “logical” reason to ignore my heart.

You see, your subconscious mind is filled with the limits you’ve put on yourself throughout your life.

If you come from toxicity and trauma, that can be a whole big bag of rocks you’re unknowingly carrying around on your back.

All kinds of reasons that pop up without you even realizing it’s happening that tell you:

 Why I should stay small.

 Shut up and be polite.

 Not have feelings that burn like a wildfire.

 And not have an opinion that might chase some people off.

“Fear is but a prison. And you hold the key.” – Click to Tweet

Unlock The Cage Door

My whole life burns. Smoldering Ash… when I allow it to.

When I stop saying “slow down. That’s enough.” Or “hold up. You’re reaching the boundary of reasonable.”

When instead I allow myself to swim in the ethers.

Not considering “what’s possible.”

Not caring “what’s probable.”

But letting myself be in the full-bodied embrace of this moment.

And trusting the path to unfold.

Knowing that what I most dearly desire is rushing toward me, but will expand and become bigger in time.

As I expand and increase my capacity to hold those dreams.

The impossible is made real through the moans of your ecstatic embrace of life.

Today.

Now.

Stop silencing the hushed whispers of your the bliss that exists in the now, the bliss that allows those untold desires untold.

And let go of the “what if’s” that have been impressed upon you by the world.

By the conditioning of the past.

Fear is but a prison. And you hold the key.

This is the work I do with my one-one-one coaching clients.

If you’re ready to finally live a “hell yes” life where the grand adventure unfolds in the most revolutionarily blissful way possible, than snag a spot on my calendar below and let’s talk about if coaching is for you.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

To Live Your Best Life: Write It In Pencil

To Live Your Best Life: Write It In Pencil

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Love Where You Are Going

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” ~ C. JoyBell C.

“Things feel scary and terrifying before they get crystal clear.” Click to Tweet

The Terror Of Letting Go of Control

The prospect of not having control can be terrifying to someone who comes from a background of toxicity and trauma.

It can feel like jumping out of an airplane without a chute.

Dangerous and downright stupid.

“But what will happen if I don’t have a plan?”

It can be a hellova scary thing.

And yet time and time again I find that clarity comes through surrendering past the chaos.

Opening up your arms wide to the divine within you and saying, with your whole heart, “I trust this path. Take me divine lover. Take me and show me what’s next”

Because here’s the truth – Things feel scary and terrifying before they get crystal clear.

It’s only when we stop feeling we must always be in control do we find we can fly.

 

The Unexplored Path

There paths in front of you that you didn’t even realize were there.

Paths that lead to the perfect outcome in your life.

Paths that are more splendid, and perhaps more terrifying, than you ever imagined you could have.

That’s how it’s been for me.

If you would have asked me what my life would be like 5 years ago, there’s no way in hell I would have said “living in Bali, running my own successful business, loving every moment. Fitter. More embodied. Stronger. Happier than you could ever imagine”.

To be honest, I never thought that was possible at that point in my life.

5 years ago I was just leaving an engagement where everything looked good on paper, but things just didn’t feel right. I had left my job as a psychologist a year earlier. A job I went to 8 years of graduate school to get (yes, you read that right, 8 years of GRAD school!).

So then why do we hear all the time “what’s your 5-year plan?”

What’s the point of that?

The point is we’re trying to control things that we don’t really have control over.

We think that if we have a 5-year plan that all of our worries and anxieties will fade away and we’ll have the whole trajectory of our life on paper so we’ll be “safe”.

So we can finally relax.

Especially people who have toxicity and trauma in their past who crave safety and do whatever they can to control their lives.

So what do you do about it?

 

 

Write It In Pencil

You write it in pencil.

All your plans, all your agendas, all your goals.

You let go of control enough to realize that if this specific thing doesn’t happen, something better will unfold.

You trust.

And you stop punishing yourself when life doesn’t turn out exactly as you thought it “should”.

When you “write it in pen” you’ll feel a sense of shame and frustration when you don’t reach that specific destination by that date/time in your journey. You’ll grasp onto that specific goal and not allow yourself the flexibility to see those unexplored paths that can be so much juicier than what you ever imagined!!

But you’ve got to let go first.

Need some help figuring out how to let go and get connected with the true bliss and joy of being without all of the control, anxiety, and spinning? Then grab a spot on my schedule (click the button below) and we’ll chat about whether one-on-one coaching is the right fit for you to truly revolutionize your life forever.

Can’t wait to chat!

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Set Yourself Free: Cutting Ties with Toxic People

Set Yourself Free: Cutting Ties with Toxic People

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You are the Answer

Stop walking around in a life that’s 2 sizes too small.

Check out this recent podcast.

One of my best interviews ever that will help you understand toxicity in your life, when to cut ties to those relationships, and what to do first before you make that move.

What You’ll Hear In This Episode:

Why a parent’s relationship with an adult child is a privilege, not a right.

Why prioritizing others over yourself is “a big #*!% you!” to your true self.

Where to start when ending a toxic relationship.

The damage caused by keeping everyone around you happy.

How ending a relationship, even after being engaged, sparked personal growth.

“A parent’s relationship with an adult child is a privilege, not a right.” – Click to Tweet

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.