What Happens When You Finally Show Up As Your True Self

What Happens When You Finally Show Up As Your True Self

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Taking off the masks of who you thought you needed to be can be terrifying. It can feel like being stripped naked and set out to pasture.

“Everyone might see!!”

Damn straight that they will….

They’ll see you in all of your naked vulnerability. The naked truth of you really are. The truth of your soul showing out of your face.

Finally Showing Up Who You Are

Recently, I had a client share with me that they’ve successfully accomplished what they’ve been trying to do for 10 years. In just a few short months of working one-on-one together: 

 She’s finally feeling comfortable in her own skin.

 Showing up as who she really is, rather than being afraid, or worried, or cynical, or guarded as she once felt about who she was.

 She feels both strong AND compassionate. Both confident AND kind.

And everyone in her life can tell the difference.

When you finally show up as all that you are your whole world will shift on its axis.

You’ll stop feeling as though you have to “fix” yourself, or other people. That you have to fight to wrestle control of reality so that you don’t fall into the chaos of the Toxicity & Trauma you came from.

Instead, you’ll lean into an epic amount of trust and a sense that it’s safe to finally show up as who you truly are.

Help Your Kids By Helping Yourself

Once you show up as who you really are, it’s not just your life that changes. But the lives of everyone around you.

Several of my clients have spoken to me about the incredible difference they’ve seen in their kids, especially their daughters, through our work together. Their daughters have gained confidence in who they are, felt more comfortable in their own skin, in their bodies, stopped settling for mediocre relationships, and left toxic ones behind.

How old a mothers work on herself impact her daughter in this way?

Because children learn through modeling. They learn what’s possible, what’s alright, what’s expected, what’s tolerable through watching their parents.

So when you begin to take a stand for a whole new kind of life not only does your life blossom and shift and open and expand into a whole new level of bliss and happiness…. but everyone around you benefits as well.

“Once you show up as who you really are, it’s not just your life that changes. But the lives of everyone around you.” – Click to Tweet

But Won’t Focusing On Me Mean Abandoning Everyone Else?

This idea has to do with codependency.

You see, one of the most terrifying things that women who come from Toxicity & Trauma deal with is the fear of what will happen if they start to focus on themselves.

They fear that everyone else will fall apart. That things will crumble into chaos. That those who they were once spending so much time caretaking will descend into addictions, crappy decisions, or worse.

But what really happens when these women really finally start to focus on themselves is that they see the lives of those around them improve as well.

You could call it improvement through osmosis. Good vibes. Or even just “learning through observation”.

No matter what you call it, when become the truest version of yourself it will not only pay off big time in your life. But it will pay off in every single person’s life around you as well.

Check out more tips on how to live a “hell yes” life, how to drop the Toxicity & Trauma conditioning from the past, and evolve into the true you by signing up for my free book in the box below.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Live Life Without Regret

Live Life Without Regret

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One of My Life Mottos

 

One of my life mottos is to “live life without regret”.  

It’s interesting. Because there’s so many layers to this one statement.  

When I was in my 20s, the motto meant do all the things!! 

Now, in my 40s, the motto means no matter what happens, regret is a waste of energy! (and, well, do all the things, lol).

 

5 Big Regrets of the Dying

A nurse working in hospice noticed through time that most dying patients had one of 5 regrets.

They were: 

 “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

 “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

 “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

 “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

 “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

These prove the point of my life motto. That the only things you’ll regret on your deathbed are the things you didn’t do, not the things you did do. 

And yet, so many people play it safe. They keep their lives contained in tiny little boxes of conformity. Of “playing nice” and being appropriate. 

They prioritize the opinions of everyone else over what they really most deeply desire.

And they end up sacrificing their happiness, and ultimately their life satisfaction because of it. 

 

How Would You Live Your Life Differently?

An amazing 85-year-old woman, Nadine Stair, from Louisville, Kentucky, provided the words below after someone asked her how she would have lived her life differently if she had a chance.

If I Had To Live My Life Over Again

“If I had my life to live over again,
I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d relax.
I’d limber up.
I’d be sillier than I’ve been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances,
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would, perhaps, have more actual troubles but fewer imaginary ones.
you see, I’m one of those people who was sensible and sane,
hour after hour,
day after day.
Oh, I’ve had my moments.
If I had to do it over again,
I’d have more of them.
In fact, I’d try to have nothing else –
just moments,
one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.
I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I could do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had to live my life over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances,
I would ride more merry-go-rounds,
I would pick more daisies.”

The true you is waiting for you to step up and say “this is my life and I’m going to make it a ‘hell yes’ because I will not settle for a mediocre life anymore.” – Click to Tweet

Don’t Miss Your Chance To Truly Live

Right now, this instant is your chance for freedom. 

To live your life with joy, bliss, and full out aliveness that you’ve read about in stories, but wondered if it’s real. 

I assure you, it is. 

But you’ve got to shift your perspective from “I’ll do it tomorrow” and realize that the only time you can ever make a choice that allow you to live life without regret is now. 

You may never get another the chance to ask that person out on a date. 

You may never get around to painting that masterpiece, or writing your great novel if you don’t start today. 

You’ll never be as young as you are today. 

So what are you waiting for? 

The time to act is now. 

The true you is waiting for you to step up and say “this is my life and I’m going to make it a ‘hell yes’ because I will not settle for a mediocre life anymore. 

The choice is yours. 

The time is now. 

 

Where to start? 

Grab your copy of The No Bullsh!t Guide To Life in the box below. This is a free eBook that will give you immediate steps to take to make your life into a “hell yes” instead of an “I guess”. 

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

When Crazy Is The Best Path

When Crazy Is The Best Path

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Logic Is Over-rated

Some may call me crazy. And perhaps I am. But I’d also like to think I’m a visionary….

Logic didn’t get me to living in Hawaii for 14 months, off-grid on an organic farm.

It didn’t get me to quit my job as a psychologist. To leave my engagement – that looked great to everyone else.

And it sure the fuck didn’t take me to Bali.

I actually remember sitting out on my lenai in Hawaii crying, thinking “are you crazy! You want to move to Bali? You’re going to leave paradise to move to some unknown place you’ve never been to an 11 hour flight away?”

But I had to follow my heart.

My heart knew.

Lead With Your Heart

I live by the brilliance of my heart.

My heart leads the way.

Every time I make a decision that serves my highest good it’s because my heart was in charge, not my mind.

My mind likes to come up with all these “reasons” that sound perfectly reasonable.

 “You’ve never been to SE Asia”

 “It’s hard to live in another country”

 “You’ll have to take even less with you than you have now”

 “You won’t know anyone, you won’t know the language, you won’t have your friends close by for a safety net”.

They all sound like perfectly reasonable reasons not to move to Bali.

But they were all just bullshit fears and excuses that I was throwing up for myself to try to give myself a “logical” reason to ignore my heart.

You see, your subconscious mind is filled with the limits you’ve put on yourself throughout your life.

If you come from toxicity and trauma, that can be a whole big bag of rocks you’re unknowingly carrying around on your back.

All kinds of reasons that pop up without you even realizing it’s happening that tell you:

 Why I should stay small.

 Shut up and be polite.

 Not have feelings that burn like a wildfire.

 And not have an opinion that might chase some people off.

“Fear is but a prison. And you hold the key.” – Click to Tweet

Unlock The Cage Door

My whole life burns. Smoldering Ash… when I allow it to.

When I stop saying “slow down. That’s enough.” Or “hold up. You’re reaching the boundary of reasonable.”

When instead I allow myself to swim in the ethers.

Not considering “what’s possible.”

Not caring “what’s probable.”

But letting myself be in the full-bodied embrace of this moment.

And trusting the path to unfold.

Knowing that what I most dearly desire is rushing toward me, but will expand and become bigger in time.

As I expand and increase my capacity to hold those dreams.

The impossible is made real through the moans of your ecstatic embrace of life.

Today.

Now.

Stop silencing the hushed whispers of your the bliss that exists in the now, the bliss that allows those untold desires untold.

And let go of the “what if’s” that have been impressed upon you by the world.

By the conditioning of the past.

Fear is but a prison. And you hold the key.

This is the work I do with my one-one-one coaching clients.

If you’re ready to finally live a “hell yes” life where the grand adventure unfolds in the most revolutionarily blissful way possible, than snag a spot on my calendar below and let’s talk about if coaching is for you.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

To Live Your Best Life: Write It In Pencil

To Live Your Best Life: Write It In Pencil

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Love Where You Are Going

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” ~ C. JoyBell C.

“Things feel scary and terrifying before they get crystal clear.” Click to Tweet

The Terror Of Letting Go of Control

The prospect of not having control can be terrifying to someone who comes from a background of toxicity and trauma.

It can feel like jumping out of an airplane without a chute.

Dangerous and downright stupid.

“But what will happen if I don’t have a plan?”

It can be a hellova scary thing.

And yet time and time again I find that clarity comes through surrendering past the chaos.

Opening up your arms wide to the divine within you and saying, with your whole heart, “I trust this path. Take me divine lover. Take me and show me what’s next”

Because here’s the truth – Things feel scary and terrifying before they get crystal clear.

It’s only when we stop feeling we must always be in control do we find we can fly.

 

The Unexplored Path

There paths in front of you that you didn’t even realize were there.

Paths that lead to the perfect outcome in your life.

Paths that are more splendid, and perhaps more terrifying, than you ever imagined you could have.

That’s how it’s been for me.

If you would have asked me what my life would be like 5 years ago, there’s no way in hell I would have said “living in Bali, running my own successful business, loving every moment. Fitter. More embodied. Stronger. Happier than you could ever imagine”.

To be honest, I never thought that was possible at that point in my life.

5 years ago I was just leaving an engagement where everything looked good on paper, but things just didn’t feel right. I had left my job as a psychologist a year earlier. A job I went to 8 years of graduate school to get (yes, you read that right, 8 years of GRAD school!).

So then why do we hear all the time “what’s your 5-year plan?”

What’s the point of that?

The point is we’re trying to control things that we don’t really have control over.

We think that if we have a 5-year plan that all of our worries and anxieties will fade away and we’ll have the whole trajectory of our life on paper so we’ll be “safe”.

So we can finally relax.

Especially people who have toxicity and trauma in their past who crave safety and do whatever they can to control their lives.

So what do you do about it?

 

 

Write It In Pencil

You write it in pencil.

All your plans, all your agendas, all your goals.

You let go of control enough to realize that if this specific thing doesn’t happen, something better will unfold.

You trust.

And you stop punishing yourself when life doesn’t turn out exactly as you thought it “should”.

When you “write it in pen” you’ll feel a sense of shame and frustration when you don’t reach that specific destination by that date/time in your journey. You’ll grasp onto that specific goal and not allow yourself the flexibility to see those unexplored paths that can be so much juicier than what you ever imagined!!

But you’ve got to let go first.

Need some help figuring out how to let go and get connected with the true bliss and joy of being without all of the control, anxiety, and spinning? Then grab a spot on my schedule (click the button below) and we’ll chat about whether one-on-one coaching is the right fit for you to truly revolutionize your life forever.

Can’t wait to chat!

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

This Daily Affirmation will Change Your Life

This Daily Affirmation will Change Your Life

The Words that Follow “I am” Follow You:

Watch what you say to yourself daily.

The things you say to yourself habitually end up forming your identity.

When we say “I am X” our subconscious mind takes that statement as literal. 

So if you drop the milk and say “I am a loser” then your subconscious mind will throw up its hands and say “shoot, guess we’re a loser then” and reinforce that subconscious belief through behaviors that limit demonstrate that repeatedly to yourself. 

You become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Your job is 80% getting yourself into the mindset of success and 20% implementing through that mindset.

And the right mindset starts with what you say to yourself. 

Because when you’re in the right mindset you easily connect with your truth.

That you are free, powerful, loving, and joyous. 

And this is why affirmations can be so powerful!

They’re made up of purposeful “I am” statements that seed your subconscious mind with what you want to create. Here’s one that I use myself to get you started. 

Tweak it to fit you and what you’re trying to create in your life. 

Start each day by saying this, out loud, and with feeling and see how different things become. 

 

“I am a sexy, sensual, sensitive, kind, confident, loving, debt-free millionaire with abundant health and I contribute meaningfully to society. I give and receive love easily. I am in love with my life and myself. I overflow with absolute clarity of self-love and never settle for less than what I’m worth. I hold my shoulders back and head high and don’t care if anyone else approves. I want this because this is my path and who I fucking AM! I am committed to working on this every day for as long as it takes to achieve!”

“I am in love with my life and myself.” – Click to Tweet

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. I’m powerfully psychic and have over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Cheap, Easy Personal Growth In Just 5 Minutes Per Day

Cheap, Easy Personal Growth In Just 5 Minutes Per Day

It’s journaling. Journaling every day.

It’s way easier than you think.

Journaling will help increase:

 

*    Creative thinking

*    Ability to problem solve

*    Emotional stability

*    Increase Goal Focused Behavior

*    Accountability and Inner integrity

*    Understanding of your patterns

*    Confidence in your OWN wisdom

*    Your Gratitude

*    Daily Presence (fewer days slipping away from you)

*    Writing Abilities

*    Generation of New Ideas

*    Accountability

*    Resiliency

*    Connection

*    Clarity

*    Detachment

*    Forgiveness

*    Letting go

*    Manifestations

*    Surrender

*    Confidence

*    Empowerment

 

How can something as simple as putting your pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard in the case of many of us) create such epic change? Because you’re getting all of that noise out of your head that’s been spinning around in there for far too long. It purges out the old and makes way for the new.

It creates a blank canvas that stimulates ideas.

It allows for mistakes, experimentation, and play in ways you wouldn’t normally do in public or working with others. 

It allows you a place to bounce all your ideas around, to process all of your emotions, to capture your highest highs and embrace your lowest lows.

A journal is like a really amazing girlfriend who listens to you without judgment.

 

Don’t know where to start or have found journaling to be a pain in the rumpkus in the past?

 

Start by just writing down what happens each day. Like you would catch up a girlfriend on what’s going on in your life when you first see each other. Eventually, if you carve out even 5 minutes per day to journal, you’ll begin to delve into essential emotional depths that will help you work through long lost blockages and emotional difficulties. You’ll explore new ideas and new horizons. And you’ll be brainstorming up a storm.

 

5 months ago I made a commitment to write every single day. I still miss a day here and there. But generally I write copious amounts every day and it’s made my creativity pour from me like it never has before. I’m never at a loss for what to think about, what idea to develop, or how I may be lacking clarity. I’m always deeply in touch with my emotional reality so that it’s not sitting like a sneaky sabateur in my subconscious. I receive divine guidance. I catch myself when I’m falling into old outdated thinking patterns like self-blame or complaining. I see how through time my ideas change.

 

Every day I start a new document on my computer with “Daily Writing” plus the date. I will add a notation in the saved name on my computer if something significant came up that day that I need to refer to later like “Daily Writing: 10/27/2017: Marketing Plan”. Research does show that typing activates different parts of the brain that does hand writing. However, I would never be as prodigious in my writing if I hand write. 

 

I’ve broken my arms 6 different times (long story short, I was a clutsy tomboy growing up). But the side effect of that is that hand-writing hurts my hand and my wrist after a while. Plus, it’s slow as molassas. I’m a very quick thinker and when I can’t write down my ideas as fast as they’re coming to me it gets frustrating.

 

That’s how I felt when I was attempting to force myself to hand write in order to journal. Now that I type I do all sorts of stuff in that document each day. I brainstorm, make lists, channel the divine, work through emotional stuff, report on what happened that day, celebrate, set intentions… all kinds of stuff.

 

I’ll often write 15 + single spaced pages per day using this technique and by NOT differentating what I’m writing into different documents. I even write blog posts in my journal about half the time. Then it’s quick and easy to copy and paste my ideas into a blog post, a Facebook post, a document related to a project, or to my master to-do list.

It’s made my life so much easier.  It’s been the most important thing I’ve done in a long time. Just sitting down and letting it all pour out of me onto the page.

If there’s one thing I can recommend you do, it’s this. Journal every single day and get to know the inner guru inside of you that has the answers you’ve been seeking.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++

 

It’s time to finally tune in and listen to that inner guru inside of you. The one that knows the quickest and easiest path o your highest self. No more looking to others for the answers. But knowing that they’re all inside of you. My 1:1 coaching will help you listen to your inner knowing, embrace your untamed and freest self, and acknowledge your greateness. 

SNAG A SPOT ON MY CALENDAR TO SEE IF THIS IS FOR YOU