How to Show Up As All of You When You Have a Mother* Wound

How to Show Up As All of You When You Have a Mother* Wound

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You Hold Yourself Back

THE ONLY THING THAT’S EVER HELD YOU BACK IS YOUR CONFIDENCE TO BE YOU.

To be exactly YOURSELF.

 All of yourself.

 All your weirdness.

 All of your wildness.

 All of your sweetness.

 All of your eccentricity.

 All of your intelligence.

 All of your boringness.

 All of your COLOR, FLAVOR, AND BRIGHTNESS.

So What If You ARE Too Much?

You are not dim. And yet you’ve spent your life hiding.

When you have a mother* wound, you often feel like you have no choice but to dim yourself.

For fear of outshining her.

Out of fear that what you have to offer isn’t good enough.

That who you are isn’t good enough.

That who you are is “too much” for the world.

What Would Happen If You Dared To Show Up as Your Truest Self

More than that…. if you dare to show up as your truest self, you…

 Fear of not being loved

 Fear of being thrown out of the tribe

 Fear of being rejected

 Fear of who you are not being good enough

 Fear of what you have to offer not being wanted

 Fear of what others might think of you

 Fear that others will reject you

 Fear that being yourself will make others “not want me”.

 

“If someone doesn’t want you for being YOU – let that person go! There are plenty of people out there who will love you for YOU. But, you’ve got to be brave and show up as YOU first.” – Click to Tweet

Your Core Mother Wound

All of this can come from a core mother wound.

A wound that makes you feel that you have to earn love. That you have to earn worthiness. That you have to walk on eggshells and put her happiness above your own.

Because that’s what you learned when you were young. It was how you learned to cope. How you learned to survive.

But that core fear of outshining her is no longer serving you…..

When Being Yourself Seems Like A Threat

ONLY when you show up as your whole self can you truly get what you want.

Love, success, money, connection….. everything.

ONLY THEN can you be the woman who “has it all.”

I remember when I was younger, because of my own past with a mother who was narcissistic, I would often dim my voice, be quiet and demure, and shrink because I wanted to seem “appropriate.”

I felt that I would be embarrassing her or dishonoring her if I was the star of the show.

If I was the star of my own life.

If I showed up as my weird wonderful self.

That this would somehow make me a threat. I was told this both explicitly and implicitly. That I needed to “tone it down” and fit in. 

If Someone Doesn’t Want You for Being YOU – Let That Person Go!

I see this in so many women.

The fear to show up as themselves because of those core wounds.

One way this shows up is how women tend to try to morph themselves into what they think the other person wants them to be when they’re out on dates.

Trying to be quieter, more polite, more “feminine”, less loud or forward. Ordering the salad instead of the cheeseburger. Hiding away who they are. Trying to be less….

This not only sabotages romantic relationships, it sabotages business opportunities and your finances as well.

Here’s the blunt-assed truth….

If someone doesn’t want you because you’re YOU…. then let that person go. They’re just not the right fit for your marvelousness.

Not in romance. Not in business. Not in friendship. Not in anything.

There are plenty of people out there who will love you for YOU.

But you’ve got to be brave and show up as YOU first.

Not Being YOU is Self-Rejection

And frankly, it’s better to find that out NOW than later if someone doesn’t think your jokes are funny, or only dates other meat eaters (and you’re a strict vegan), or doesn’t like animals (and you have 4 dogs).

By holding back, you think that you’re stopping people from rejecting you, but the opposite is true.

By holding back, what you’re really doing is rejecting yourself.

You’re rejecting yourself just as you felt rejected growing up.

You’re replaying the pattern that you fear the most.

Because when you’re holding back and trying to be something you’re not, trying to be “appropriate”, censoring yourself for fear of shining and being “too much” – you’re also holding people back from loving you, from feeling fully connected to you, from really taking your message deep into their soul.

Ultimately, you’re holding people back from even KNOWING you.

And so by holding back, in an effort to try to protect yourself, you’re reinforcing the lie that your mother* instilled in you…..

That you are not enough as you are.

Show Up As All Of You

There IS another way. 

You’ve GOT to show up as all of you.

In all ways.

Because when you’re not, you’re withholding from yourself the very things you seek. By not BEING YOURSELF NOW.

The love, success, and financial success that you so desire. Because you’ve internalized the person who hurt you and keep replaying out those lies. Again and again.

And you convince yourself that the only way to stay safe in this world is to continue holding back. Hoping that somehow it will change her. That somehow if you hold back it will make her treat you better. That if you just stay quiet, stay dim, and keep being the “good girl” that you’ll be more lovable.

You’ve convinced yourself that you have to be someone else in order to be loved. And let’s be frank – you’re not that good of an actress, lol. You can’t put on an act for life.

You’ll find yourself:

 Getting depressed

 Feeling disconnected from others

 Getting irritated easily

 Losing all motivation to keep on going

Because no one wants to play a part for the rest of their lives. And ultimately, you’ll end up self-sabotaging.

And you’ll find reasons to keep holding yourself back and keep quiet. So that you can keep others from seeing the truth.

The truth of who you really are….

 

The Truth of Who You Are

The truth?

You are lovable just as you are. Just as you are, right in this moment.

In fact, it’s exactly who you are that makes you so darn lovable. So dang magnetic. So outstandingly unique.

All that masquerade bullshit is just getting in the way of your true brilliance.

And when you can embrace that truth….

 You no longer seek external validation

 You feel free to embrace your deepest self-expression

 You stop fearing other people’s opinions of you

 And you stop living your life to make others happy

There’s nothing like the feeling of true freedom that comes with healing the mother* wound and overcoming the toxic cycle once and for all. 

To be free to be you in every area of your life and business.

To feel deserving of financial abundance and true success.

And to stop playing out the toxic cycle you learned when you were young.

*(The Toxic Cycle doesn’t just come from The Mother Wound. It can also come from other wounds such as another narcissistic, overly critical, mentally ill, or distant caregiver or sibling as well. But the mother wound tends to be the most damaging because we look to our mothers to figure out who we, as women, are allowed to and supposed to be).

If you’re ready for a ‘hell yes‘ life, join The Abundance Revolution TODAY!

Anxiety. Fear. Playing Small. Stuckness.

You’re living in a prison of your own making.

It’s time to change that forever.

Download NOW for FREE!

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Toxicity & Trauma Make You Feel You’re On Your Own

Toxicity & Trauma Make You Feel You’re On Your Own

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Toxicity Makes It Hard To Ask For Help

A toxic childhood makes it hard to acknowledge you can’t figure it out on your own.

It becomes hard to ask for help. Hard to acknowledge that you have problems.

When you were a child in that toxic environment, you were expected to figure it all out on your own.

To “suck it up” and “be quiet.”  To be the good girl.

To not only manage your own fear and anxiety, but to manage the emotions of those around you by not rocking the boat.

Boat rocking looked like:

  Crying

 Getting angry

 Admitting that things “weren’t okay”

 Asking for help

 Being afraid

 Telling someone older than you that something was wrong at home (one of the CARDINAL sins when you come from a toxic childhood)

So you swallowed it all down.

You went it alone.

You Had To Go It Alone

When you were a child you were stuck figuring it all out on your own, and that pattern has likely followed you into adulthood.

The disappointments that came from the few times you did reach out, and were admonished or met by punishment, taught you that you couldn’t trust others.

That you couldn’t bring all of who you were to others. The pain. The frustration. The anxiety. The fear.

You had to show them the facade. The “shiny happy version” of you that didn’t cause any trouble.

You learned that when you to admited you had problems, that you were causing problems.

And more problems was the last thing you wanted.

So you learned to be silent.

You swallowed it down further.

You Suffered in Silence

You figured that it was all on your back and that you had to suffer in silence.

Even if it took you three times as long to figure it out, you’d do it on your own.

Even if you couldn’t find the answer, you’d find a way.

Even if you were stuck and afraid and felt like you wanted to give up, you couldn’t let yourself admit to others that you needed them.

 What if they hurt you?

 What if they disappointed you?

 What if they judged you?

 What if they thought you were weak?

And so the path got lonelier and lonelier.

And you felt more and more backed into a corner because there was no one you could turn to when you didn’t know what to do.

“The path is shorter, more joyful, and with far less suffering when you reach out to others and ask for help.” – Click to Tweet

You Don’t Have To Do It Alone

Now, this cycle isn’t without benefits.

Because you’re mad resourceful.

And you’re independent and fierce.

And you do usually figure things out (even if it takes you longer than it would with assistance).

But let’s be straight.

Although you can do it alone, you don’t have to.

We’re not meant to have to do this alone.

The path is shorter, more joyful, and with far less suffering when you reach out to others and ask for help.

You stop spinning in resistance and “really good reasons why” you can’t do the things you really want to do (whether that’s starting your business, making more money, getting that promotion, or meeting your divine partner).

You stop finding reasons to back the “this is too hard” and are able to see that with help, it’s not so bad…

Because finally, you feel like you don’t have to carry the burden all on your own.

It’s like carrying a heavy suitcase.

You can probably do it yourself.

You can manage.

You might strain a few muscles. But you are capable of so much!

But when you finally get the courage to ask for help, you no longer have to carry that weight all on your own.

It actually ends up feeling easy!

Your Shortcut to Success

Asking for, and receiving help from others doesn’t mean that you don’t trust yourself.

It doesn’t mean you’re not capable.

It doesn’t mean that you’re not strong.

All it means is that you’re ready to feel supported, nurture, and free to focus on what’s really important.

Because when you’re unwilling to receive help.

You going to see that mirrored in receiving other things.

 Like a loving partner who has your back.

 Compliments

 More money.

 That raise.

 And that self-worth that tells you you’re enough (and have always been enough).

This is why you hire a coach like me.

To create the shortcut to success.

And to finally learn to receive what you’ve always wanted.

Without having to struggle alone, for far longer than necessary, to get there.

You are not alone.

You are never alone.

Let’s do this together.

 

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Fear of Success is Really About This Secret You’re Carrying

Fear of Success is Really About This Secret You’re Carrying

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The Fear of Being Found Out

Fear of success often looks like fear of being found out.

That’s how it looked for me.

I’ve carried around this burden for years of “how did I turn out so good?” When i came from such a terrible background.

The Baggage of a Toxic Background

I was an only child in a house with one narcissistic and one alcoholic parent.

I was verbally and psychologically abused growing up regularly. Screamed at. Berated. Belittled in front of friends. Forgotten. And taught to “lie” to make things easy.

But none of those things are who I am. Somehow, I’m honest to a fault. I hate lying. I hate selfishness and abusiveness.

And yet there was always a fear beneath it all that “maybe that’s who I really am”.

How could I be made up of this DNA, but still be good?

Am I actually good?

Which is essentially asking “am I good enough?”

Hiding The Shame of Who I Really Am

I was scared of being found out by the world. That somehow my skin would be torn off and I’d be some crazy looking shriveled up alien reptile underneath and everyone would be appalled.

So I kept the world at arm’s length.

Not letting myself get too deep into anything.

  • My relationships
  • My desires
  • Even my business

Deciding it was easier NOT to be vulnerable.

That it was easier to just be protected and keep myself safe.

But I wasn’t really keeping myself safe. Rather, I was hiding the secret shame of who I was afraid to be found out to be.

The shame of who I really am.

Not a bad person. But a person who was born to not great people.

“Honor every single damn piece of you.” – Click to Tweet

I Thought I Was Broken

I don’t have the awesome loving supportive family that I saw others with.

And I thought it made me “less than.”

Somehow wounded and wrong and bad.

Broken.

Instead of understanding that in fact, it made me see.

It made me see my clients so clearly….

To be able to hold their pain. And their hearts.

Blessings in Disguise

My challenging background allowed me to find another level of compassion for people.

Compassion for things that my clients had judged themselves so harshly for.

Compassion for things that my clients had made themselves feel like they were a villain for.

It allowed me to not be afraid of the shadow.

Of the fear.

Of the sadness.

Of the pain of others.

And instead allowed me to hold onto pieces of my clients that had never been held before.

To hold them tight in love and honesty, where in the past they may not have felt worthy of it.

And more than anything, it allowed me to be kind.

To realize that fear, pain, and confusion don’t necessarily make you bad. And don’t taint your soul. They don’t put you into a locked closet of harshness.

They can instead make you kind, and loving.

You see, I know what it’s like to come from a past where you weren’t allowed to set boundaries. Where you didn’t have enoughness reflected back to you. Where you wondered if you were truly loved.

 

Enoughness Is Your Birthright

Luckily. You can learn that the enoughness you didn’t feel growing up has always been within you.

And you can learn to turn that bountiful heart toward yourself.

To turn that kind heart, the one that somehow wasn’t shattered, into a place where the light gets in.

Honor your heart dear ones. Honor your journeys. Honor the pain and the strife.

Honor every single damn piece of you.

Because you are marvelous.

And each piece composes the entirety of who and what you are.

You too can release the shame and guilt from your past.

To stop living from your hurts.

And to stop wasting all your energy on protecting your sore spots.

To learn to trust yourself. To trust your heart. To trust your instincts. To be firm in what you deserve. And to never settle for how things used to be ever again.

Your pain, your difficulties, they have created you into the incredible, kind, and amazing person you are.

Honor it. Hold it. Allow yourself to accept and love it. ALL of it.

All of you.

Your True Self Is Beautiful

If you’d like help learning to honor and hold tight to the beauty of ALL of you. To build real and abiding self-worth, self-confidence, and finally put yourself FIRST so you too can overflow with love. Then it’s time we talk about working one-on-one together.

My work will help you see that you are so much more than you’ve ever thought. And that there’s nothing you have to do to be it except embrace, accept, and love ALL of you.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

They Lied About Anxiety

They Lied About Anxiety

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Which Wolf Will You Feed?

Life is so fucking short, you know? I just found out tonight that a dear friend may have cancer. And it started me thinking about how life is so fucking short.

And how we waste our time worrying about nonsense. Worrying about things completely out of our control. Worrying about things that may never even happen. Putting all of this energy into something that says “this is my greatest fear, this is the big giant monster that I am terrified of ….. here, LET ME FEED IT”.

When it comes to your thinking, to your habits, to your emotions, to your relationships:

  • What you feed expands.
  • What you starve contracts.

When you spend your days and nights worrying about what might happen. About the possible big bad scary things out there in the world. You end up feeding the wrong wolf.

There’s a Cherokee story about two wolves. A grandfather tells his grandson “there’s a war going on inside of me between two wolves. One wolf is evil – filled with greed, worry, envy, self-pity, pride, superiority, regret. The other wolf is good – he is love, peace, joy, ecstasy, happiness, contentment, connection, generosity, empathy, and faith. The same fight is going on in every single one of us.”  The grandson turned and asked his grandfather “which one will win” and the grandfather responded, “whichever wolf you feed”.

 

Those Worries Are A Bitch (Oh snap – the shame spiral)

We each have these raging powers inside of us that try to demand our precious time, energy, and attention. That tells us, “If you don’t worry more about that conversation that you just had, the world’s going to end!!”. That intense pressure inside of you that says that you must stay awake a while longer and think through all the possible negative outcomes that might happen if you send your kid to camp this year, or if you spend time with your parents over Christmas, or whether that ache in your side is a bowel obstruction.

Every single one of us has this war going on inside. The war that rages for our attention.

Many people with anxiety believe, falsely, that those who aren’t crippled with anxiety cruise through life without this storm thrashing and smashing against the sides of their ribs. And that’s the myth that keeps them stuck in a spiral of guilt and shame about feeling anxious. About feeling afraid. About being worried.

They feel that “something must be wrong with me” if I’m spinning in these feelings. Because look around me, no one else is obsessing about whether I won’t be able to work next year. Or whether that guy I’m interested in will ever call.

Everyone has some degree of this simmering angst going on inside. The trick isn’t to say “you must be free of anxiety, of fear, of worry” The trick is teaching you how to manage it so that it’s no longer a prison of your own creation.

You see, the real prison isn’t the anxiety. The real prison is the shame about anxiety. Because when you feel ashamed of it you never allow it to come out in appropriate ways. So, it sits inside.

Imagine that you have gas and that you never let yourself fart. What would happen? Your stomach would get bigger and bigger. You’d blow up like a balloon. Your stomach would hurt. You’d feel like you were going to burst. All from holding it in.

The same is true of anxiety. You need to know how to healthily let it out, express it, allow it to be useful rather than feeling it as a cold pressed prison where you have nowhere left to turn. Otherwise, like the gas bubble in your stomach, you’re going to feel like you’re going to explode. All because you didn’t allow yourself the freedom to do what was natural.

Feel your anxieties without shame.

Emotions are Like a Water Balloon

I have this theory I call the “Water balloon hypothesis”.

Have you ever taken a water balloon between both hands and sort of tried to squish it?

I don’t know why, but this seems to be a universal experience. Everyone has squished a water balloon between their hands.

Well, the more and more you squish that water balloon, the more likely it is to spring a leak in some random place.

The same holds true of anxiety, worry, and fear.

When you ignore them, when you suppress them, when you shove them deep inside, they are more and more likely to come out in some other uncontrollable way that makes a mess out of everything.

Free Floating Anxiety

The other important factor when it comes to anxiety is taking the time to identify where it’s really coming from.

When you stuff down anxiety, when you numb it with wine, being busy, or even with work it’s going to come up and spew all over something.

So, then you’re sort of in a jam. Because you’re left with the bag wondering “what’s THIS about?” wondering why on earth you’re feeling almost like having a panic attack because the pizza is late.

This is why really deeply and profoundly understanding what your anxiety is about is one of the most important steps to overcoming anxiety. Because when you deeply understand what your anxiety is about you can look at it seriously and establish whether or not it’s worthy of your concern and fear or whether it’s something that can be dismissed and allowed to flow through you.

“When you allow yourself to feel physical and emotional pain you give yourself access to extra information that will fill out holes in your perception.” – Click to Tweet

Emotions Serve a Purpose

You see, anxiety, fear, and worry can serve a purpose.This is another reason we don’t just want to shove them off the table and say “Nope. Not feeling that anymore”. Because then you’re cutting yourself off from some potentially important pieces of information.

Yes, some anxiety is fruitless and baseless and serves no purpose.

But other anxieties? They indicate things that you need to pay attention to. Things you need to tune into in order to live your life in the best way possible.

Perhaps you’re feeling anxiety after eating cheeseburgers every day for a year?  Maybe that’s an anxiety that’s trying to tell you that there are some changes that need to be made there.

You see, all of your emotions serve a purpose.

You’ve been sold a lie that you’re supposed to be a super positive ultra-happy person all the time. This is one of the great lies in personal development and self-help. That you must be positive and happy all the time. But this is like saying “you must be pain-free all the time” physically. Physical pain serves a purpose just like emotional pain and discomfort serve a purpose. When you allow yourself to feel physical and emotional pain you give yourself access to extra information that will fill out holes in your perception. You see, when you ignore data that you’re receiving it’s just as bad as shoving that anxiety down, numbing it, or avoiding it through those good excuses like “I’m too busy hustling to be anxious!”

Unless we are 100% aware all of the time there will be things in our lives that we are saying “yes” to that are not fulfilling us. That are not making us happy. That don’t fit or feel right.

In those times, you’re going to feel anxiety and fear and worry and sadness and general angst. And not know why.

This is like a blinking emergency light on an airplane that’s saying “Hey! You! Pay attention to me! We’ve got something important to tell you!!” When you ignore it, the entire engine may blow out of the plane. Just like when you ignore those internal nudges which are trying to tell you something is out of alignment, your entire insides may blow out of a hole in your heart. A hole where all of these uncomfortable emotions end up squeezing out somewhere you don’t mean them to.

How a Toxic Childhood Can Create This

Anxiety, and pushing down emotions in general, is an issue that pretty much everyone in our society deals with. However, it’s a really big issue for those who come from a toxic childhood.

When you come from a toxic childhood you grow up with the feeling that it’s your job to keep everyone else around you happy, especially at the expense of yourself. So, you will inevitably push down your uncomfortable emotions in order to make everyone else around you happy. In order to take care of everyone else around first. It doesn’t matter if you feel depressed, or like your head is about to blow because of a panic attack – you’ll hide it and feel afraid and ashamed of those emotions because it owning up to them would put the focus on you. Because you fear that to acknowledge those emotions would mean you were being “selfish”.  Even though this isn’t true.

And so, you push yourself down, your anxieties, and pretty much all of your emotions down in order to prioritize everyone else’s stability and happiness.

Being Hyper-Aware of Others

When you come from a toxic childhood you begin to become what psychologists call “hypervigilant”. This means that you’re constantly on the lookout for other people being upset. For any potential tilt in their moods. For any shift in the way other people are approaching you. Any subtle change that could indicate that there might be a possible explosion because mom or dad is stressed, drunk, or in a “mood”. So that constant observation of everyone around makes you super aware of any and all possible reasons to get anxious. You walk into a room and look for reasons to be afraid.  You go out on a date and look for reasons to worry.

This was adaptive when you were growing up and saved you many times. But it’s no longer working for you. Now it just makes everything that doesn’t go exactly according to plan feel like an extreme source of anxiety. When you were growing up, there were valid things to fear around you all the time. Possible explosions or abuse. Possible put-downs or criticism.

So, you squished yourself down and you observed. But the problem has persisted into adulthood. And you still see threats everywhere. You still feel as though the world could cave in if something small happens, if something is out of your control, if the people you’re around have a mood change, or if you’re suddenly surprised by an unexpected challenge.

When you come from a toxic childhood, you are more likely to experience feelings like worry, fear, and anxiety because of this pattern. 

 

It Doesn’t Have To Stay That Way

Just because this was your past, doesn’t mean it has to be your future.

Next week, I’m going to be releasing the most valuable free resource I’ve ever given out. In this resource, you’re going to learn how to manage your emotions, learn to cope with feelings like anxiety and worry, and how to understand what’s really going on inside of you. All while creating a happier, more satisfied, and joyful life.

Join the list to get THE NO BULLSHIT GUIDE TO LIFE right when I release it next week. You don’t want to miss this!!

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

How to Help the Broken Child Within

How to Help the Broken Child Within

When I was a child, my mother wouldn’t touch me much at all.

And because of that, I’ve had a belief my whole life that I’m unwanted.

Bullied when I was in grade school.

Marginalized and without many friends because I was pushed ahead due to being bright. It was a hard road to feel young and an outcast at school.

And then come home and with parents fighting so terribly that there was barely an opportunity for me to be seen.

I misbehaved. I got terrible grades.

And then I started succumbing to the “good girl” ideal that if I just was “better” they’d treat me “better”.

I Tried to Be What Everyone Wanted Me To Be

So I was a good student. I towed the line. Didn’t talk back.

And disappeared even more into a persona of what other people wanted me to be.

And I was still invisible. Still unimportant. Still yearning to be wanted by someone. Anyone.

Rebellion followed.

Years of substituting sex for love.

Of being engaged to a “nice man” who was a safe bet but who never really knew the real me.

Because of this core mother wound, I would push good things away from me before they could reject me.

Push, push, push. I’ve walked through life for a very long time as a broken child.

One who carries the secret burden, the secret fear, that she’s unwanted deep within her soul.

This Discovery Shifted Everything

But I discovered something powerful. That when I lose my self-consciousness and live from my heart that the world shifts on its axis.

Instead of being a magnet that repels. I become a magnet that attracts. Just by no longer thinking about what other people think about me. Assuming that they think or feel or believe the best until proven otherwise. By discovering the deep power of shifting out of protection, and into openness.

You see, when we push everything away from us, we cannot be open to receive the wonders that the world has in store. No dreams can come rushing through the door. Because we’ve closed it and padlocked it for fear of someone breaking in.

There’s Another Option

Will we get hurt by being open? Yes, of course.

But that’s what good boundaries are for.

That’s what trust in the self is about.

That’s what epic love and nurturing of the self helps you with.

Knowing exactly what’s acceptable to you, understanding you’re worth it, and trusting yourself to leave if those standards aren’t met.

Just because important others in your life haven’t accepted you and loved you, doesn’t mean the rest of the world will receive you that way. Just because it hasn’t been safe to be yourself with your family or your old friends, doesn’t mean that that’s “true” and that you can’t be yourself.

“You cannot be hurt by love. You can only be hurt by refusing love, pushing love away, or losing the love that would have been yours if you’d just shown up as all of you.” – Click to Tweet

It Is Safe To Be You

It’s time to turn the whole world on its axis. And stop assuming the world “isn’t safe”. And start seeing that you’re always safe. Because you’re always in the loving embrace of your own self-acceptance and love. And when you know that down to the bones. Then self-expression becomes your nature. And you no longer push away that which might hurt you. Because you cannot be hurt by love. You can only be hurt by refusing love, pushing love away, or losing the love that would have been yours if you’d just shown up as all of you.

Love Can Mean Many Things

And when I refer to love – that’s what running a business is – love of what you have to bring to the world. Of others. Of service. Of your soul’s message.

That’s what being fully present with your children is – a graceful expression of love of self, showing them how it’s done.

That’s what loving your partner in the most profound way is – loving yourself enough to fully let go of controlling them, and just love them.

That’s what having all your dreams come true is. Loving yourself enough to decide on what you want. Deciding you’re worthy of it. And claiming it.

 

Trust Me

Being yourself can be so so scary. Because it could mean you’re rejected for the thing that is closest and dearest to you.

But you must trust that you’ll be okay.

That you’re sensitive, and strong, and bright.

And to cheat the world out of your light for fear of it being dimmed is no way to live.

And it just dims the light you’re keeping fear anyway.

Share that big beautiful light of yours.

Open up. Live from your heart.

It’s the most precious and valuable risk you’ll ever take.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. I’m powerfully psychic and have over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Stop Protecting Those Who Failed to Protect You

Stop Protecting Those Who Failed to Protect You

For many years I have held myself back from naming many of the things that have happened to me.

In a conditioned belief that it was my job to protect those who didn’t protect me.

But I see now that I have cheated not only myself but my clients and those I impact, out of fear of speaking the truth.

Believing You Must Keep Silent

When you come from a background where you were abused, bullied, or made to feel like a terrible person you often carry a secret responsibility to “quietly hold the family secrets”.

So you silence yourself for fear of shaming or guilting others.

Not realizing that you’re actually silencing and shaming yourself.

There’s No Need to Hide

Be honest with yourself. Share your vulnerable heart. Stand up and own what happened in the past.

It does not define you.

It defines them.

There’s no need to hide it anymore.

It’s not your duty to protect them.

It’s time for YOU first now.

Because self-first is not self-ish

“Because self-first is not selfish.” – Click to Tweet

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. I’m powerfully psychic and have over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.