You Hold Yourself Back
THE ONLY THING THAT’S EVER HELD YOU BACK IS YOUR CONFIDENCE TO BE YOU.
To be exactly YOURSELF.
All of yourself.
All your weirdness.
All of your wildness.
All of your sweetness.
All of your eccentricity.
All of your intelligence.
All of your boringness.
All of your COLOR, FLAVOR, AND BRIGHTNESS.
So What If You ARE Too Much?
You are not dim. And yet you’ve spent your life hiding.
When you have a mother* wound, you often feel like you have no choice but to dim yourself.
For fear of outshining her.
Out of fear that what you have to offer isn’t good enough.
That who you are isn’t good enough.
That who you are is “too much” for the world.
What Would Happen If You Dared To Show Up as Your Truest Self
More than that…. if you dare to show up as your truest self, you…
Fear of not being loved
Fear of being thrown out of the tribe
Fear of being rejected
Fear of who you are not being good enough
Fear of what you have to offer not being wanted
Fear of what others might think of you
Fear that others will reject you
Fear that being yourself will make others “not want me”.
“If someone doesn’t want you for being YOU – let that person go! There are plenty of people out there who will love you for YOU. But, you’ve got to be brave and show up as YOU first.” – Click to Tweet
Your Core Mother Wound
All of this can come from a core mother wound.
A wound that makes you feel that you have to earn love. That you have to earn worthiness. That you have to walk on eggshells and put her happiness above your own.
Because that’s what you learned when you were young. It was how you learned to cope. How you learned to survive.
But that core fear of outshining her is no longer serving you…..
When Being Yourself Seems Like A Threat
ONLY when you show up as your whole self can you truly get what you want.
Love, success, money, connection….. everything.
ONLY THEN can you be the woman who “has it all.”
I remember when I was younger, because of my own past with a mother who was narcissistic, I would often dim my voice, be quiet and demure, and shrink because I wanted to seem “appropriate.”
I felt that I would be embarrassing her or dishonoring her if I was the star of the show.
If I was the star of my own life.
If I showed up as my weird wonderful self.
That this would somehow make me a threat. I was told this both explicitly and implicitly. That I needed to “tone it down” and fit in.
If Someone Doesn’t Want You for Being YOU – Let That Person Go!
I see this in so many women.
The fear to show up as themselves because of those core wounds.
One way this shows up is how women tend to try to morph themselves into what they think the other person wants them to be when they’re out on dates.
Trying to be quieter, more polite, more “feminine”, less loud or forward. Ordering the salad instead of the cheeseburger. Hiding away who they are. Trying to be less….
This not only sabotages romantic relationships, it sabotages business opportunities and your finances as well.
Here’s the blunt-assed truth….
If someone doesn’t want you because you’re YOU…. then let that person go. They’re just not the right fit for your marvelousness.
Not in romance. Not in business. Not in friendship. Not in anything.
There are plenty of people out there who will love you for YOU.
But you’ve got to be brave and show up as YOU first.
Not Being YOU is Self-Rejection
And frankly, it’s better to find that out NOW than later if someone doesn’t think your jokes are funny, or only dates other meat eaters (and you’re a strict vegan), or doesn’t like animals (and you have 4 dogs).
By holding back, you think that you’re stopping people from rejecting you, but the opposite is true.
By holding back, what you’re really doing is rejecting yourself.
You’re rejecting yourself just as you felt rejected growing up.
You’re replaying the pattern that you fear the most.
Because when you’re holding back and trying to be something you’re not, trying to be “appropriate”, censoring yourself for fear of shining and being “too much” – you’re also holding people back from loving you, from feeling fully connected to you, from really taking your message deep into their soul.
Ultimately, you’re holding people back from even KNOWING you.
And so by holding back, in an effort to try to protect yourself, you’re reinforcing the lie that your mother* instilled in you…..
That you are not enough as you are.
Show Up As All Of You
There IS another way.
You’ve GOT to show up as all of you.
In all ways.
Because when you’re not, you’re withholding from yourself the very things you seek. By not BEING YOURSELF NOW.
The love, success, and financial success that you so desire. Because you’ve internalized the person who hurt you and keep replaying out those lies. Again and again.
And you convince yourself that the only way to stay safe in this world is to continue holding back. Hoping that somehow it will change her. That somehow if you hold back it will make her treat you better. That if you just stay quiet, stay dim, and keep being the “good girl” that you’ll be more lovable.
You’ve convinced yourself that you have to be someone else in order to be loved. And let’s be frank – you’re not that good of an actress, lol. You can’t put on an act for life.
You’ll find yourself:
Feeling disconnected from others
Getting irritated easily
Losing all motivation to keep on going
Because no one wants to play a part for the rest of their lives. And ultimately, you’ll end up self-sabotaging.
And you’ll find reasons to keep holding yourself back and keep quiet. So that you can keep others from seeing the truth.
The truth of who you really are….
The Truth of Who You Are
You are lovable just as you are. Just as you are, right in this moment.
In fact, it’s exactly who you are that makes you so darn lovable. So dang magnetic. So outstandingly unique.
All that masquerade bullshit is just getting in the way of your true brilliance.
And when you can embrace that truth….
You no longer seek external validation
You feel free to embrace your deepest self-expression
You stop fearing other people’s opinions of you
And you stop living your life to make others happy
There’s nothing like the feeling of true freedom that comes with healing the mother* wound and overcoming the toxic cycle once and for all.
To be free to be you in every area of your life and business.
To feel deserving of financial abundance and true success.
And to stop playing out the toxic cycle you learned when you were young.
*(The Toxic Cycle doesn’t just come from The Mother Wound. It can also come from other wounds such as another narcissistic, overly critical, mentally ill, or distant caregiver or sibling as well. But the mother wound tends to be the most damaging because we look to our mothers to figure out who we, as women, are allowed to and supposed to be).
Anxiety. Fear. Playing Small. Stuckness.
You’re living in a prison of your own making.
It’s time to change that forever.