Neediness Is Blocking Your Desires

Neediness Is Blocking Your Desires

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Shed the Neediness

One of the most common things I hear from my clients is “I don’t even know what I want. I’m not even sure I know what I like!”. But I’m going to share a secret with you. You’ll never be able to connect with what you really most deeply desire until you first shed the neediness that’s blocking it from entering your life.

Life is a lot like a buffet. When you go to the buffet and you’re starving you’re going to stuff yourself with the first thing you see. You’re not going to be able to wait to get to the really good stuff because you’re too hungry.

Neediness is like an emotional state of starvation. You end up grabbing whatever you can just to fill the hole. Whether that’s a subpar relationship, job, or friendships – you end up settling for far less than what would really delight.

Check out the video for more on how not having your needs met is actually blocking you from getting what you most desire.

DR. ASH

Holidays can be a particularly difficult time when it comes to coping with family. Especially if there is a narcissist involved in the equation. But here’s the truth – no one’s opinion of you and your life choices matters except your own.

I know it can seem threatening and confusing when you fear that someone might use your boundaries and distance against you, using it as fuel to a fire that you are not a good daughter. But sit down and ask yourself for a moment – why does it matter? Why does their opinion of you matter?

It matters because the toxicity & trauma from when you were growing up has conditioned you to believe that other people’s opinions of you are not only very important, but a valid reflection of your goodness, your worthiness, and your value in this world.

So sit back for a moment and ask yourself – “What’s the worst that would happen if they say ‘look, everyone, I told you she was a bad daughter’. What would happen? What would the worst case scenario be?”. Perhaps you may have a few family members or people in your parent’s community think ill of you. What else? What other fears are lurking there? Do they offer financial support that they might withdraw? Or emotional support?

Chances are that the biggest thing that would happen is that you’d feel guilty and filled with shame for putting yourself first. For asserting that you deserve to have a happy and satisfied life and doing what you need to do to make that happy.

It’s not what they think of you that’s really bothering you. It’s the internalized fears about what you’ll think of yourself.

You see, no one can really make us feel anything. Think about it. If you were on a crowded subway and bumped into someone and they had the opinion of “look, everyone, I told you she was a bad person!” you’d probably brush it right off and go on with your day because you’ve decided that that person’s opinion isn’t valid. But since you decided, probably when you were young, that your parents’ opinions were valid you feel as though when you go against those opinions you’re doing something wrong.

You’re essentially activating the “bad girl” inside of you that fears being punished. The archetypal inner child that fears that if she breaks the rules she’ll be abandoned and never loved by anyone.

Of course, your adult self knows better than this. And lucky for you she can learn new ways of coping and can decondition all of that old toxicity & trauma that’s kept you locked into the cycle of guilt and shame that has kept you replaying the same patterns over and over.

Plus, as yourself this – if you had to choose either them being disappointed with you and feeling guilty about it OR you getting to be happy, relaxed and relieved which is more important? Which is more valuable?

The answer is pretty obvious to me 😉

This month in The Abundance Revolution, we’ll be talking specifically about surviving the holidays with toxic family.

There’s a lot of other aspects to coping with toxic family during the holidays that I’m super excited to teach. Such as how to shape behavior, how to give yourself an escape hatch, how to deal with grief, anxiety, and depression during the holidays, and how to keep your sanity during a season we’ve all been conditioned to put everyone else first.

Join us in The Abundance Revolution Membership. In this membership, you’ll discover how to cultivate inner strength, self-trust, and resilience so that you can finally feel comfortable putting yourself first without feeling selfish. To decondition those old beliefs, heal the inner child, and finally get what you’ve always wanted. And for a limited time, you can try it for only $22.

Grab your spot today!

“You’ll never be able to connect with what you really most deeply desire until you first shed the neediness that’s blocking it from entering your life.” – Click to Tweet

Revolutionize your Life

This video was based on an in-depth workshop in my membership community The Abundance Revolution. It’s filled with inspiring heart-centered women who are developing deep levels of self-trust and self-love and throwing out all of the old toxic conditioning from the past.

If you’re ready to revolutionize your life, join the group today. I’m going to be adding new exciting features in January and the price will be increasing. So, don’t miss out on your opportunity to join at the current discounted rate!

Click the Abundance Revolution image below to JOIN NOW! 

 

 

Anxiety. Fear. Playing Small. Stuckness.

You’re living in a prison of your own making.

It’s time to change that forever.

 

Download NOW for FREE!

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

You Don’t Need Discipline

You Don’t Need Discipline

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Discipline = Punishment?

How do you feel when you hear the word “discipline?”

Good, bad, indifferent? 

To me,  discipline feels like punishment.

In fact, that’s another definition of the word!

And yet we all hear again and again, “you’ve got to have discipline to be successful.”

But Screw That!

The rebel inside of me wants to run the other direction when she hears that.

My eyes roll up in my head and I feel heavy, and weighted down. 

“If that’s what it takes to be successful. Screw that!!”

I bet you have a little bit of this rebel inside of you….

“There are ways you can adapt and make achieving your desires FUN and EASY while leaving nasty words like “discipline” by the roadside.” – Click to Tweet

Discipline Feels Harsh

When the rebel hears “discipline” she envisions stern teachers, drill sergeants, or the harsh tone and words of your parents from when you were young.

You see, especially when you come from a background with any type of harshness and judgment from a parental figure, you’re very likely going to have a reaction to words like “discipline.”

But you’ve had this expectation, because of the toxicity & trauma, that to be successful it’s got to be “hard” and that you have to drive yourself toward accomplishment through harshness.

But that’s just not true. 

The Solution

The solution?

It’s flipping the entire concept on its head and understanding that you don’t really need “discipline.”

Yep, you heard that right! 

You don’t need discipline in order to be successful. 

The Alternative To Discipline

What you really need is commitment.

When you’re committed to doing something.

Fully decided.

Fully on board.

You do it.

And it feels GOOD to do it.

And you persist and keep moving. 

Not becuase you have to, but becuase you want to. 

Not because you feel guilty and ashamed of yourself. But because you know you’re worth it. 

It Can Be Easy

Accomplishing your goal doesn’t have to feel like a big forced drag of an endeavor.

Because you’re moving TOWARD what you want (your goal).

Rather than moving away from what you don’t want (the idea of someone disciplining you).

The best type of motivation is always feeling motivated in the creation of something, rather than running from something (this is a key tenet of manifestation). 

So don’t feel bad if you’ve never jammed with the idea of discipline.

Most people from harsh backgrounds don’t.

There are ways you can adapt and make achieving your desires FUN and EASY while leaving nasty words like “discipline” by the roadside. 

 

Want to know how to achieve that flowing ease in moving toward your goal? Grab my free ebook below. 

 Transform your life from an “I guess” to a “Hell Yes!” with this free ebook

It’s time to release the Toxicity & Trauma that’s been keeping you stuck for good.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

The Fear of Success – Toxicity & Trauma Connection

The Fear of Success – Toxicity & Trauma Connection

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A feeling of loss and abandonment from the past can cause you to fear success NOW.

She Wouldn’t Let Herself Feel It

I recently had an amazing session with a client who just finally fully felt and began to move through a foundational loss from 40 years ago and sees how it has made her feel that it’s not safe to desire beautiful things because “they could get taken away from me”.

She had been telling herself for years that it’s “stupid” and “silly” to still be impacted by this old wound.

So she wouldn’t let herself feel it. She wouldn’t let herself recognize how it was impacting her today.

She was judging herself for not just “getting over it already”

So she shut herself off emotionally to what happened years ago, to protect herself from it. And to cope and “get over it”.

Which caused her to shut herself off emotionally across the board.

Ultimately, she felt shut down from feeling fully on fire and alight with passion for her life. She didn’t even know how to connect with the deepest feelings of what she really wanted in life.

Imprisoned by a Fear of Success

Because when you shut down one type of emotion, you shut down your access to all of them.

She had been constantly holding back. For fear that she would lose what she wanted. Afraid that she would feel more loss, abandonment, and disappointment if she reached for the gold standard.

She had convinced herself that she couldn’t handle those feelings.

So she ran from success.

She became imprisoned by a fear of success because she had convinced herself that it was safer not to feel. And therefore safer not to desire. Not to achieve.

“You must look at the past, at the wounds of your childhood, at the uncomfortable emotions, in order to move through your fear of success.” – Click to Tweet

Allow Your Emotions to Pass Through You

Today we started releasing all of that fear of loss so that she could open the way for her to have what it is she truly wanted.

To do this she is finally feeling her feelings.

Without shame.

 Allowing them to pass through her without judging them as “stupid”.

 Releasing the shroud of “I should be over this by now”.

 Letting go of the shame for feeling the loss and abandonment

 Saying to herself “it’s okay to feel”.

Because only by feeling it can she finally let it pass through her.

And only by feeling it can YOU finally let it move through you so that you can break through the fears of success and achieve what you’ve always wanted.

Once you realize that these emotions can pass through you (and that you won’t get stuck there), you can stop avoiding anything that might trigger your fears. Anything that might stimulate in you the fear that you could lose it (like success and more money).

Move Through Fear to Success

And this is why you must look at the past, at the wounds of your childhood, at the uncomfortable emotions, in order to move through your fear of success.

This is what I do with my one-on-one clients. As per this writing I have just two more spots to work with me on-on-one before my rates increase.

If you know that you’re ready to break through the success ceiling and make way for a whole new bright future then sign up for an insight session below and let’s chat about revolutionizing your life forever.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

When Crazy Is The Best Path

When Crazy Is The Best Path

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Logic Is Over-rated

Some may call me crazy. And perhaps I am. But I’d also like to think I’m a visionary….

Logic didn’t get me to living in Hawaii for 14 months, off-grid on an organic farm.

It didn’t get me to quit my job as a psychologist. To leave my engagement – that looked great to everyone else.

And it sure the fuck didn’t take me to Bali.

I actually remember sitting out on my lenai in Hawaii crying, thinking “are you crazy! You want to move to Bali? You’re going to leave paradise to move to some unknown place you’ve never been to an 11 hour flight away?”

But I had to follow my heart.

My heart knew.

Lead With Your Heart

I live by the brilliance of my heart.

My heart leads the way.

Every time I make a decision that serves my highest good it’s because my heart was in charge, not my mind.

My mind likes to come up with all these “reasons” that sound perfectly reasonable.

 “You’ve never been to SE Asia”

 “It’s hard to live in another country”

 “You’ll have to take even less with you than you have now”

 “You won’t know anyone, you won’t know the language, you won’t have your friends close by for a safety net”.

They all sound like perfectly reasonable reasons not to move to Bali.

But they were all just bullshit fears and excuses that I was throwing up for myself to try to give myself a “logical” reason to ignore my heart.

You see, your subconscious mind is filled with the limits you’ve put on yourself throughout your life.

If you come from toxicity and trauma, that can be a whole big bag of rocks you’re unknowingly carrying around on your back.

All kinds of reasons that pop up without you even realizing it’s happening that tell you:

 Why I should stay small.

 Shut up and be polite.

 Not have feelings that burn like a wildfire.

 And not have an opinion that might chase some people off.

“Fear is but a prison. And you hold the key.” – Click to Tweet

Unlock The Cage Door

My whole life burns. Smoldering Ash… when I allow it to.

When I stop saying “slow down. That’s enough.” Or “hold up. You’re reaching the boundary of reasonable.”

When instead I allow myself to swim in the ethers.

Not considering “what’s possible.”

Not caring “what’s probable.”

But letting myself be in the full-bodied embrace of this moment.

And trusting the path to unfold.

Knowing that what I most dearly desire is rushing toward me, but will expand and become bigger in time.

As I expand and increase my capacity to hold those dreams.

The impossible is made real through the moans of your ecstatic embrace of life.

Today.

Now.

Stop silencing the hushed whispers of your the bliss that exists in the now, the bliss that allows those untold desires untold.

And let go of the “what if’s” that have been impressed upon you by the world.

By the conditioning of the past.

Fear is but a prison. And you hold the key.

This is the work I do with my one-one-one coaching clients.

If you’re ready to finally live a “hell yes” life where the grand adventure unfolds in the most revolutionarily blissful way possible, than snag a spot on my calendar below and let’s talk about if coaching is for you.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

What Happens When You Ask for Everything You Need

What Happens When You Ask for Everything You Need

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I Never Asked For My Needs To Be Met

Before I left my ex-fiance there was about a 6-month period where I decided “I’m going to ask for everything I need. And it’s either going to make or break us.”

I knew I was unhappy.

Restless.

Boxed in and feeling like a caged bird.

I didn’t feel listened to. Or seen. And felt like I was always “too much”.

But as I changed my reality of how I felt about myself, I realized that I could no longer exist in a relationship where I tempered my desires to make someone else more comfortable.

Asking For Every Single Thing I Needed

So I started asking for every single thing I needed.

Asking for our needs to be met can be a revolutionary act.

And I knew it would make us or break us.

Well, it ended up breaking us up.

And damn am I thankful that my ex had the ability to let me go when he saw that he could not rise to meet me in my new reality.

Upsetting the Balance

You see, relationships are like all biological systems – they exist in an equilibrium.

They exist at a certain state until one person in the relationship changes, upsetting that equilibrium, or balance.

Once the equilibrium is upset there are only three things that can happen:

 Either the person who changes returns to their original way of doing things.

 The entire system (all of the other relationships) rise to meet the person at their new reality.

 Or, if the person is unwilling to return to their old way of being, and the system will not change to adapt to the new way of doing things, then often the system (relationship) may break down.

“As you improve your life, your choices, your mindset, your ways of doing things you may find some tug and pull from your relationships. People trying to bring you back into your old way of being. Because that’s where they’re comfortable with you.” – Click to Tweet

Pulling You Back to the Way You Were

As you improve your life, your choices, your mindset, your ways of doing things you may find some tug and pull from your relationships.

People trying to bring you back into your old way of being. Becuase that’s where they’re comfortable with you.

You may find people questioning your life choices, giving you the crazy side-eye, implying that you think you’re “better than them”, or making fun of the changes and shifts you’ve made.

Generally, people don’t like change. So they’ll do whatever it takes to keep you exactly as you’ve always been.

You Must Make a Choice

Persist in your new reality and let the relationships do what they need to do (whether that means getting stronger or falling apart)

Or dive back into the old way of being.

The decision is up to you.

But really, the decision is obvious.

Because once you wake up, you can’t fully go back so sleep again.

You can’t fully ignore those things which are no longer aligned with your new higher state of being.

You can’t lull yourself into believing that you’re living as your highest and best self when you feel like your arms are tied around your back.

Navigating the Tricky Waters

If you want help navigating the tricky waters of changing the way you feel about yourself.

Of moving to a new level despite feeling that there are old beliefs, relationships, and conditioned beliefs which are holding you back.

And FREEING yourself once and for all then let’s connect.

I have something available for everyone at every price point and degree of personalized care.

Let’s build you the strength that will allow you to say:

“This is me. This is my life. I deserve better. And I’m not settling anymore. Because I LOVE myself. And I’m worth it!”

Just click the button below and let’s talk about making this your new reality in one of my programs.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Give It Your All (Or Face Living With Regrets)

Give It Your All (Or Face Living With Regrets)

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Swing for a Home Run Every Time

In a session recently, I was talking to one of my favorite clients about holding back. She had been holding herself back from posting on Facebook about her business because she didn’t want to annoy people. We talked about how we can’t be afraid to fail every time we go up to bat. Whether that “at bat” is your business, a Facebook post, a new relationship, being your goofy-assed self, or living your life laughing so hard that other people look at you sideways. You see, if you’re afraid to fail every time, you’re going to stop yourself from being able to hit a home run.

Put Your All Into Each Swing

Have you ever noticed, in baseball, that home run hitters tend to be intense. They put their ALL into each swing. Each swing is for the bleachers. Each swing is make or break. Home run or strike out – it doesn’t matter. Because each time they go up to bat – they swing as though they ARE going to hit a home run. No playing it safe and bunting. Or letting the pitcher hit them to “just get on base”. They’re going for it. Each and every time.

Sometimes You Strike Out

And many times those home run hitters strike out. But other times they hit home runs. But every single time they swing that dang bat like their guts are going to fall out on the floor if they don’t go for it. And who do we remember? The home run hitters. Not the “consistently play-it-safers.” And this is true of life. If you meet a fabulous new person you’d like to get to know, what are you possibly losing by saying “hey, let’s grab coffee!” And yet, so many people back off because they’re afraid of rejection. Or they stop themselves from being open and vulnerable in a relationship because they fear that “it might not work out.” But, what’s the possible outcome of this type of strategy?

“In every area of your life go full out.” – Click to Tweet

What’s the Outcome If You Swing for the Bleachers?

The only thing to gain by not going full out is to temper your losses. To try to protect yourself from the loss of not getting what you want. And yet, the funny thing is – if you don’t go for what you want – you’ll never GET what you want. 

  • You’ll never get the date.
  • You’ll never get the depth of intimacy you desire.
  • You’ll never get that job.
  • You’ll never publish that best-seller.
  • You’ll never travel the world.

What’s the possible outcome of swinging for the bleachers? One of two things will happen:

  • You’ll get the date.
  • Or they’ll say “no”

Either way, you know where you stand. And you’ll know you gave it your shot. Getting closer and deeper and more intimate with someone who is important to you or them pulling back and making it clear that this wasn’t what they wanted to begin with – either way you KNOW. Getting the job of your dreams, or finding out that you’re missing a key skill set in order to be a perfect match for that job are both great outcomes. Either way you’ll KNOW!

Persist or Shift

Same with your business. If you’re out there talking to people (whether in person or on Facebook) and they don’t respond. And you pull back and say “well, they don’t want to hear it.” What’s the possible outcome? You don’t make any money. lol. What’s the possible outcome of persisting? Or just shifting your strategy (rather than pulling in and stopping)? People do start responding. You make more money. You get what you wanted. ~ or ~ People don’t respond, unfriend you, get annoyed and then well, they don’t have to listen to your posts about your biz anymore. You get what you wanted (more people on your friend’s list who DO want to listen to what you have to say). You are NOT going to make money by quitting when other people aren’t interested. You are NOT going to make money by stopping yourself short of telling people how amazing your services are. All you’ll be doing is building up a pile of regrets based on the premise of “I wish I had expressed myself more”. Just like you are NOT going to get closer and deeper and more intimate relationships by holding yourself back and “playing it safe.” And you’re not going to get to travel the world by constantly making excuses for why “now’s not the right time” or why “it’s just not a good idea”.

Go Full Out or Risk A Life of Regret

So swing for the bleachers, dear ones. Every time. Go full out. In every area of your life. Run toward your dreams like your hair is on fire. Like you have nothing to lose!! Go out there like it’s going to be the most EPIC and rewarding and amazing thing EVER. And if it’s not? You can totally deal with that. Because the risk of NOT swinging with everything you’ve got is far greater than the risks of doing it.

What Are You Willing to Risk?

The choice is yours on what you risk:

   If you dare to go for what you really want you might get:

Rejection OR get everything you’ve ever wanted.

 

~ THE ALTERNATIVE ~

 

  If you hold yourself back from going after your dreams and expressing yourself deeply you might get:

Self-protection AND a life of regret for never having taken the risk to live the life of your dreams.

 

Yeah. The answer is obvious to me too.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.