Key Takeaways:
- Relentlessness comes from a feeling of relaxation, play, pleasure, joy, and delight, not stress or anxiety. It gives you permission to do marketing activities you previously saw as stressful.
- Relentlessness is about persistence past the need for other people’s approval. It comes from knowing your core worthiness and value.
- When you feel your worthiness internally, you become a “bonfire” that attracts others to you magnetically instead of chasing them with a “torch”.
- It’s selfish to play small and not share your gifts with the world. The world needs you and what you have to offer.
- Relentlessness includes self-nourishment and rest. Taking care of yourself allows you to show up relentlessly for others.
So today I want to talk about the concept that you can be relentless in your business, but do it from a pleasurable, relaxed place.
So I truly believe that this sense of being relentless and just, like, going for it and being persistent is absolutely being in this feeling, in this stance of power in your business, of fire in your business, of passion in your business. Right. This sense of relentlessness is what gives you the internal permission to essentially do things which you may have identified as, um, being stressful in the past.
Things like putting out. Putting out offers all the time, things like emailing your list every day, things like showing up on social media, things like following up with people who haven’t, you know, returned your email. We tend to believe that these things are us being a pain in the pain in the ass, that these things are us being annoying, that these things are us basically, like, I don’t know, being a bother to other people.
But relentlessness isn’t about ruthlessness, isn’t about ignoring things, isn’t about being pain in the ass. As I’m saying, relentlessness is saying that I know what I have to offer in this world is of such value that I am going to persist past the limit that I’ve placed on this, that says that things that are slightly uncomfortable I shouldn’t do, and I’m going to do it anyway. Now, the trick here, now we’ve talked about relentlessness, is how the heck do you do that without feeling dysregulated in your nervous system and without feeling overwhelmed and without feeling like you want to hide or freeze or run away or good golly, I don’t want to do that.
Right? Because that’s what I find a lot of people experience. They identify relentlessness, not restlessness, relentlessness, with something bad. They believe that it is something that they’re doing wrong.
They believe that somehow if they persist past the point where people aren’t responding, like, let’s say you’re posting on social media and people aren’t responding to your posts, that somehow I’m doing something wrong. Something is wrong with me, something is wrong with how I’m approaching this situation. I shouldn’t keep going.
I should throw on the handbrake, right? Our subconscious mind decides to throw on the handbrake because we’re kicking up all of these limiting beliefs that something is wrong with me because people aren’t responding the way that I want them to. But relentlessness is basically saying, I am no longer, I don’t know, a performing monkey in the circus that is here for other people’s approval. I am here because I have a message.
I am here because I have a purpose. I am here because I have something to offer this world. And when we believe that truly in a core level, like in our being, in our body, we are relaxed with it.
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We feel at ease with relentlessness, because we realize that relentlessness is like putting out a neon sign that says, get your coffee here. Like, if we have the best coffee in the frickin neighborhood, why wouldn’t we want to tell everyone about it, right? We want to tell everybody about it all the time. When you believe truly that what it is that you are bringing to this world is of frickin service and it is of such high value and that, oh, my gosh, if people just know about it, everything in their world is going to change.
We’re not going to shut the hell up about it at all. We’re going to be relentless about making sure people know about it. We’re going to be relentless about communicating about it.
We’re going to be relentless about showing up. We’re going to be relentless about making offers. We’re going to be relentless about talking about what it is that we’re here for, because we know the worthiness of it, the value of it.
And we can hold that power in our bodies that trusts and believes that, right? And it feels relaxing, actually, because why wouldn’t I talk about it instead of I have to talk about it, and it feels like a burden. And so when we come from this place of persistence, which is essentially what relentlessness is, past approval. Because approval is what we tie to persistence.
And then we quit when we don’t get the approval. And we instead persist because of core worthiness, core knowingness, core enoughness, core beingness that says, holy crap, I am so excited to talk about this. Relentlessness comes from a feeling of relaxation, play, pleasure, joy, and delight in your body, in your nervous system that then gives your subconscious mind the feedback that, oh, boy, isn’t it fun to be visible, to be seen to do marketing, to make offers, to make sales, to get on sales calls, to do all of these things which once seemed heavy.
And so when we can make persistence and relentlessness inherently rewarding, they’re motivating, they help us stay in momentum, because they’re no longer tied to a feeling of, I earn my worthiness, I earn my enoughness. I earn the fact that this is something that should be in the world by people’s approval or by people’s response to it. And that’s when I shrink my relentlessness and my persistence, or grow it is based on other people’s responses, fuck their responses, and instead shift it to the other end where we feel as though everything that I create has a purpose and I am untethering it and untying it and uncoupling it from what people think.
And I am releasing my need for approval, and I’m releasing my need to bend over backwards in a fawn response, the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response, to make sure that everybody likes me. And instead I can plant this core worthiness, core enoughness, core value in my body that then gives my subconscious mind feedback that it is safe to be seen, even if a other people don’t approve. There’s a frickin hater.
People are, I don’t know, buttholes, or I’m uncomfortable, or gosh, my face is blotchy today, or whatever it might be that I’m telling myself as a reason not to show up and not be relentless, or I feel annoying, or is this too much? I’ve been told I’m too much my whole life, all of these things. When I can plant that in my body and I can feel safe doing that, and I can uncouple it from the need for approval and for other people to show me my worthiness through their attention, suddenly, relentlessness is fun. Following up with clients who haven’t responded is fun.
Showing up online is fun, marketing is fun. And it sounds like a magical thing, but it’s actually really not. What it is, is it works through this process of really creating this sense of safety in the body, creating this sense of I’m home.
I know that I am always safe when I am rooted and grounded inside of myself, when I can feel this deep down safety, this deep down worthiness, this deep down value inside of myself. Good Lord, am I unstoppable? Good Lord, am I on point? Good Lord, am I passionate? Lord, am I motivated? Good Lord, I am lucky to be alive. Lord, is this the gift that I get to breathe into? Priest? Hey.
And you can tell by the way I’m talking how pleasurable that is, how exciting that is, how much joy there is in building our business from this place, in building our income from this place. We trust that we can create more because that value lives inside of us instead of outside of us, instead of it being this externally sourced thing through attention, through approval, through anything else but what’s inside of us. So persistence and relentlessness past that point of approval has that point of fear, is what allows us the space to create whatever it is we want in our life, whether it’s more income, more freedom, more fulfillment, more impact, you know, more a legacy, whatever it might be, and allowing ourselves to recognize that this is all coming from within.
This is all coming from your true nature. When you can unleash it, when you can uncouple it, from those limiting beliefs, from those stuck emotions, from those old stories, from those old traumas, from that stress response that has kept it stuck and kept you separated from it and kept you in that story. That being relentless means you’re annoying, means you’re bothering people, means you’re doing something wrong, means that you should feel guilty, you should feel ashamed, that means that you should shrink, means that, oh, gosh, now I feel stressed about it.
So now what I’m going to do is I’m going to go into the fight or flight raise or fawn response, and I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure people like me. Fraun response I’m going to freeze and not put out any offers because now I’m uncomfortable. Freeze response.
I’m going to procrastinate and go do something that doesn’t have any actual value to get what I have into other people’s hands. Like, I don’t know, organizing the files in Dropbox or something. That’s the flight response.
Or I’m going to go and I don’t know. I’m going to put out a new offer now. I’m going to be.
I know I was going to try to help people with their relationships last week. This week I’m going to try to help people, I don’t know, figure out their marketing, and then nobody knows what you’re doing. And it’s a fight response because it’s anxious action and it’s just throwing spaghetti at the wall.
So you kick into that fight and fight and flight response because you have tethered your worthiness, your enoughness, your value to approval, accolades, attention from others, which then diminishes your relentlessness, which then diminishes your persistence, which then diminishes your motivation, which then diminishes your momentum, your passion, your joy. Because then it becomes, how do I fit myself into a tiny little box that other people will approve of, that other people will want, that other people will say is good enough instead of standing in the power of that enoughness and knowing that’s what’s in the box. You know, one of the analogies I really like to use a lot with my clients is this sense of being the bonfire in your business, instead of being the torch in the forest.
When there is a bonfire in the middle of a forest, it stays in one place. It just lights itself up from the inside. It is this blazing orange light that all the creatures in the forest are attracted.
They are all magnetized to it, and they’re all walking towards it like in a trance, like, wow, see what big glaze is about? That’s what it’s like when you feel that internal sense of value, enoughness and worthiness that allows you to stay in. Persistence allows you to stay in relentlessness. You are the bonsire that is magnetic to everything else and everyone else.
But when instead you feel as though you have a tiny little torch in your hand and you’re going to go out in the forest and you’re going to look, oh, where is everybody? What are you doing? Hey, I’m over here. Hey, you guys, where are you? Da da da da da. That is the energy of seeking approval, of seeking permission, of feeling as though it’s your job to seek, to try to pull instead of to magnetize.
And this is the energy of coming from that relaxed place that allows the flowing sense of relentlessness and persistence versus the tense, constricted and tight place that says relentlessness and persistence as you doing something wrong. At the end of the day, relentlessness is service. Relentlessness is service.
When you shrink, when you hide, when you don’t want to put out offers, when you don’t want to be clear, when you’re going into that fight flight, freezer fraud response in terms of your business, you are ultimately robbing your audience, your potential customers of the solution to their problems. You are ultimately robbing them of what they need most. You are ultimately robbing the world of your genius.
But more importantly, you are robbing other people of their opportunities. How does that sit with you? And I know that that’s a pretty bold claim and a bold statement, but I want you to think about it that way. You are robbing the world through your.
I want to put this in a way that is easy enough to hear, but is blunt enough to give you a bit of a smack up in the face. That’s my style. You are being selfish by hiding.
The world needs you. The world frickin needs you. And by allowing yourself to stay in this chronically stressed place where you are always in a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response, where you’re trying to please other people, or you’re hiding, or you’re procrastinating, or you’re fighting, you’re trying to fight your way to abundance.
What you’re doing is you’re saying that that genius that exists inside of you, that is part of who you are, has no place in the world, which is a lie. It’s an absolute lie. And it’s a lie that you’ve been taught to believe.
And it’s a lie that you no longer need to protect you from whatever it is that you needed to protect yourself in the past, whether it’s chronic stress or trauma or whatever the f, and it’s time to let it go, because the world needs you. Then you no longer need to protect yourself in this way, because you have the capacity to believe in your worthiness, your enoughness, your value, in a way that releases these old trauma responses, these old stress responses, the spider flight response that is keeping you trapped in this perpetual cycle of holding back and not being relentless and not feeling good about it. So I invite you today to allow yourself, to give yourself permission to be relentless and to shift your perspective on it and to see that this is service.
And it’s not just service, it’s me finally not being selfish. We think it’s selfish to be relentless. It’s actually.
It’s selfish not to be relentless. It’s selfish not to show up. It’s selfish not to say, what I have to offer is freaking amazing.
Now, just a couple of last thoughts about relentlessness from a relaxed place is I don’t want you to take home from this. That relentlessness is always this push energy, this doing energy, this go, go, go energy. Because that’s not how we play around here.
That’s not the game we play around here. Relentlessness and persistence can exist simultaneously with nourishment and rest and taking time off, off. This is not persistence and constant anxiety driven flurry of activity and gotta go, go, go.
That’s not what true momentum and true motivation and true sense of persistence and relentlessness is actually about. It’s about belief that what you have to offer the world is of such high value that you continue and you keep going and you feel fired up from it, and you feel that internal bonfire, and then it’s relentlessness in giving yourself every gooey ooey good thing in the world as well. Because you don’t just get to be relentless with how you show up for other people.
You get to be relentless with how you show up for yourself. Because when you have that core value, that core worthiness, that core enoughness that says, oh, my gosh, would I have to show the world what I have for the world is so freaking amazing. And you can’t wait to share it.
You also go, you know what also helps me share it? Taking a nap. Going to yoga, going to my kids play. That also helps me show up.
That is so unselfish of me. That is actually me being of service to the world. Because the more nourished I am, the more relentless I can be, the more worthy I feel, the more value I feel, the more rooted I feel.
So give yourself a rest, but also show the fuck up and feel. And know that you are truly worthy of every divine thing in this world. Every divine thing.
More money, more fulfillment, more freedom, more abundance, and it’s all available to you at any time.
