Ask Dr Ash – Is it Intuition or Fear?

Ask Dr Ash – Is it Intuition or Fear?

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QUESTION

Dear Ash, I’m having trouble distinguishing between my gut instinct and a reaction based on fear/anxiety.

For example, someone new wants to collaborate with you on a proposed work project. It sounds like a great opportunity.

But there’s a feeling there that things may not be as peachy as they seem.

You wonder if the feeling is a gut reaction to the person/situation actually being too good to be true/something being off but you can’t pinpoint why. OR if the feeling is just you overthinking things (even if it’s only been a minute), jumping to fear-based conclusions that you normally fall back on to keep yourself down subconsciously.

Like the situation really could be one of those too good to be true but it’s actually true if you have the courage to go for it situations.

OR, it could end up being too good to be true and you end up screwed in the end. Hindsight is 20/20 but very unhelpful when trying to make decisions.

– Shifting out of Hindsight

DR. ASH

Hey Hindsight!

This is such a great question! And something that I often have clients ask me about.

Gut feeling, or intuition, is one of the most powerful forces in your toolkit for life. Yet many people don’t know how to use it effectively. They may often get nudges that tell them something.

But more often than not they come up with reasons that they’re nudges are wrong. One way this shows up is telling yourself you’re “being judgmental” when someone doesn’t feel right or you aren’t quite sure why you don’t like someone.

Instead of leaning into the self-trust that says “this is a sign and I need to step back and observe” we often brush our intuition aside, criticize ourselves for being judgmental, and then find out later that the person in question was not someone we wanted to get involved with.

I especially see this with people when they encounter a narcissist. They feel something is “off” but the person “seems so nice” and is so charming they convince themselves that they’re wrong and that they can’t trust themselves.

Yep, you guessed it, following your intuition comes down to self-trust. Do you trust your judgment? Do you trust yourself? Do you trust the universe (source, divine, God – or whatever resonates for you).

When you come from a background of Toxicity and Trauma you’ve often been taught not to trust yourself. This happens because of years of invalidation.

What’s invalidation? It’s when someone tells you that your inner feelings are wrong. To “suck it up” because you can’t possibly be hungry, you just ate. You can’t possibly be tired, you got plenty of sleep. You shouldn’t be sad, that’s stupid. Or you can’t trust your gut instinct, that’s stupid.

Your faith in yourself, and your trust in your gut, gets slowly stripped away by years of conditioning that tells you ever so subtly that you cannot be trusted. And that you absolutely cannot, and should not, trust your inner world.

So what happens? You discount it. You find reasons that your gut, or your intuition is wrong. You find ways to invalidate yourself even after those people are gone who gave you those subtle messages all your life.

So now, back to your specific question about whether it’s a nudge/ intuition/ gut or it’s fear because of self-sabotage… Yes, self-sabotage is a real issue.

Many people are afraid of success and so find ways to find “reasonable excuses” for not following through on opportunities that would lead to really amazing things for them.

But at the end of the day, both of these things are a false internal dialogue that’s telling you “you’re wrong. You can’t trust yourself. You can’t trust the world”.

When you get an intuitive nudge it feels like something is off. There’s not a good reason for it. The way I like to explain it is it almost feels like you put the movie on slow motion. Things slow down and you wonder if they should speed up.

So how do you differentiate this from fear? You sit with it. That’s right. You sit with the feeling that you’re getting and you have a chat with it. You ask it “what am I afraid of? What is it about this situation that doesn’t feel right? How do I actually feel right now? What’s the worst case scenario?”

You give the fear a voice so that you can actually hear what it’s trying to tell you. Only when you look that feeling straight in the face can you hear what it’s saying.

Only then can you collect data on what the feeling is telling you. You see, feelings are data. They are communicating information to us. And when we don’t trust our feelings and are disconnected from them, we’re losing out on a whole source of information that can help us on our path.

So when you close your eyes, slow down, take a breath and feel into it – how do you feel? (now this “how do you feel” exercise will look very different for a man walking toward you in a dark alley than a business opportunity. So keep in mind that this example isn’t meant to be blanketly applied to everything in your life).

  Maybe you feel an irrational level of fear, a fear of annihilation. That you’ll die. Why on earth would you feel that way for a business opportunity? That indicates that there’s very likely a subconscious fear motivating this that has nothing to do with the opportunity and has everything to do with your fears about what will happen if you succeed (or fail).

 Maybe you feel a small fear and are able to easily identify what it’s about. Perhaps this person has a history of biting off more than they can chew and shirking their responsibilities and making others pick up the slack. And your fear is telling you that this person may very well do this exact thing again during this collaboration. This is good data that can empower you to either not choose to collaborate or be VERY clear and get a contract with the person about who is responsible for what.

 Or perhaps when you really sit with the feeling it’s not exactly fear you’re feeling. It’s a sense of your feet being stuck on the floor and being unable to move forward. This can be two things. It can be resistance (which is often an indicator of #1 above). OR, it can be intuition telling you that this opportunity is not ideal for you. How do you tell the difference? Resistance looks like avoidance, like denial, like an inability to look at the thing that you’re considering. Intuition feels like a calm certainty. Even if the calm certainty is saying “don’t move” it actually wouldn’t feel like fear (in this example). It would feel like an inner knowing.

Some other things to consider:

 Connect with where you feel your intuition in your body. And get to know what your intuitive nudges feel like so you can easily identify them. The more you practice the easier this gets.

 Wait. Breathe. Slow down. And even ask yourself multiple times. Do not rush into a decision as the adrenaline of “I have to choose right now!” can often mask itself as anxiety, excitement, and fear. I will often step away from an opportunity and just let my emotions settle down so that I can really feel into how the situation feels to me before I make a decision rather than impulsively choosing based on adrenaline. I highly recommend you try this too.

“Following your intuition comes down to self-trust.” – Click to Tweet

Want to Know More?

If you want more guidance on how to tell the difference between resistance and an inner intuitive nudge to “wait,” there is a live masterclass in The Abundance Revolution about this exact topic next week on January 15th.

And for a limited time, you can try out the group for 2 weeks for only $22.

During this workshop, I’ll be sharing specific examples from my own life including a time when I was given the nudge to “wait” and didn’t listen with life-threatening consequences!

Plus, other times I was in category #1 above and was waiting when in fact it was just an excuse to keep playing small.

Plus, there’s a past masterclass in the group all about how to really anchor into what your intuition feels like and how to practice with it to make it stronger.

If you’ve always wanted to empower yourself to trust yourself and your intuition now is the time to join The Abundance Revolution. Just click the button below to check it out and join us.

If you’re ready for a ‘hell yes‘ life, join The Abundance Revolution TODAY!

Got a Question?

Got a question for Dr. Ash? Send them to support@ashleegreer.com and you may find your question featured in one of the upcoming editions!

Anxiety. Fear. Playing Small. Stuckness.

You’re living in a prison of your own making.

It’s time to change that forever.

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Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Toxicity & Trauma Make You Feel You’re On Your Own

Toxicity & Trauma Make You Feel You’re On Your Own

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Toxicity Makes It Hard To Ask For Help

A toxic childhood makes it hard to acknowledge you can’t figure it out on your own.

It becomes hard to ask for help. Hard to acknowledge that you have problems.

When you were a child in that toxic environment, you were expected to figure it all out on your own.

To “suck it up” and “be quiet.”  To be the good girl.

To not only manage your own fear and anxiety, but to manage the emotions of those around you by not rocking the boat.

Boat rocking looked like:

  Crying

 Getting angry

 Admitting that things “weren’t okay”

 Asking for help

 Being afraid

 Telling someone older than you that something was wrong at home (one of the CARDINAL sins when you come from a toxic childhood)

So you swallowed it all down.

You went it alone.

You Had To Go It Alone

When you were a child you were stuck figuring it all out on your own, and that pattern has likely followed you into adulthood.

The disappointments that came from the few times you did reach out, and were admonished or met by punishment, taught you that you couldn’t trust others.

That you couldn’t bring all of who you were to others. The pain. The frustration. The anxiety. The fear.

You had to show them the facade. The “shiny happy version” of you that didn’t cause any trouble.

You learned that when you to admited you had problems, that you were causing problems.

And more problems was the last thing you wanted.

So you learned to be silent.

You swallowed it down further.

You Suffered in Silence

You figured that it was all on your back and that you had to suffer in silence.

Even if it took you three times as long to figure it out, you’d do it on your own.

Even if you couldn’t find the answer, you’d find a way.

Even if you were stuck and afraid and felt like you wanted to give up, you couldn’t let yourself admit to others that you needed them.

 What if they hurt you?

 What if they disappointed you?

 What if they judged you?

 What if they thought you were weak?

And so the path got lonelier and lonelier.

And you felt more and more backed into a corner because there was no one you could turn to when you didn’t know what to do.

“The path is shorter, more joyful, and with far less suffering when you reach out to others and ask for help.” – Click to Tweet

You Don’t Have To Do It Alone

Now, this cycle isn’t without benefits.

Because you’re mad resourceful.

And you’re independent and fierce.

And you do usually figure things out (even if it takes you longer than it would with assistance).

But let’s be straight.

Although you can do it alone, you don’t have to.

We’re not meant to have to do this alone.

The path is shorter, more joyful, and with far less suffering when you reach out to others and ask for help.

You stop spinning in resistance and “really good reasons why” you can’t do the things you really want to do (whether that’s starting your business, making more money, getting that promotion, or meeting your divine partner).

You stop finding reasons to back the “this is too hard” and are able to see that with help, it’s not so bad…

Because finally, you feel like you don’t have to carry the burden all on your own.

It’s like carrying a heavy suitcase.

You can probably do it yourself.

You can manage.

You might strain a few muscles. But you are capable of so much!

But when you finally get the courage to ask for help, you no longer have to carry that weight all on your own.

It actually ends up feeling easy!

Your Shortcut to Success

Asking for, and receiving help from others doesn’t mean that you don’t trust yourself.

It doesn’t mean you’re not capable.

It doesn’t mean that you’re not strong.

All it means is that you’re ready to feel supported, nurture, and free to focus on what’s really important.

Because when you’re unwilling to receive help.

You going to see that mirrored in receiving other things.

 Like a loving partner who has your back.

 Compliments

 More money.

 That raise.

 And that self-worth that tells you you’re enough (and have always been enough).

This is why you hire a coach like me.

To create the shortcut to success.

And to finally learn to receive what you’ve always wanted.

Without having to struggle alone, for far longer than necessary, to get there.

You are not alone.

You are never alone.

Let’s do this together.

 

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

You’re Always Going To Have Fear. Here’s What To Do About it.

You’re Always Going To Have Fear. Here’s What To Do About it.

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The Myth of Fearlessness

It’s a major petpeeve of mine that so many people seem to scream from the rooftops “be fearless!!!”

Like that’s the badge of “making it” in the world.

Fearlessness.

Um, Bueller? Hello? Fear is adaptive. Fear is something that evolved through millenia for reasons

To say “be fearless” is the equivalent of saying “don’t be sad”.

And that’s major bullshit.

(Sadness also serves a distinct purpose).

So here’s the truth.

If you’re waiting till you don’t have any fear – you’re always going to be waiting.

The point isn’t to proceed only when you’re fearless.

Because fearlessness doesn’t really exist.

Fearlessness Is A Prison

The point is to hone your instincts so well that you’re able to discern when fear is indicating a true threat or a nudge from the divine that something is out of order.

Or when fear is just a natural reaction to pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone.

Because fear is NATURAL and comes up every time you step outside the norm.

Every time you step outside the comfort of what you know, you’re going to encounter fear.

So saying “I must be fearless” locks you in a prison.

Because you’ll never be fearless stepping into the unknown.

So if you expect yourself to be fearless, you’ll never step out and be brave.

Go Beyond Your Inner Resistance

Growth is uncomfortable. And fear is a normal part of growth (usually fear mixed with excitement).

The trick is getting beyond your inner resistance that tells you to back down just because you’re afraid.

Persist beyond your resistance.

Because staying paralyzed by fear can be one of the biggest types of self-sabotage there is.

And when you stop all the self-sabotage, just watch all you’ve wanted become your reality.

“Persist beyond your resistance.” – Click to Tweet

Defeat Your Self-Sabotage

Want help defeating your own self-sabotage? Know you’ve needed support but aren’t yet ready to dive into an in-depth one-on-one mentorship? Snag your spot in The Abundance Revolution.

This is my paid membership community of like-minded souls who are doing the work of ascending beyond their resistance, shedding the people-pleasing, and finally harnessing their brilliance to live the life (and have the business) of their dreams.

Each month we do 3 masterclasses on various topics, a group “hot-seat” coaching call, twice monthly psychic reading threads, and SO much more (including bonus courses, guest trainings, and daily oracle cards for the group).

Check it out!

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

Fear of Success is Really About This Secret You’re Carrying

Fear of Success is Really About This Secret You’re Carrying

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The Fear of Being Found Out

Fear of success often looks like fear of being found out.

That’s how it looked for me.

I’ve carried around this burden for years of “how did I turn out so good?” When i came from such a terrible background.

The Baggage of a Toxic Background

I was an only child in a house with one narcissistic and one alcoholic parent.

I was verbally and psychologically abused growing up regularly. Screamed at. Berated. Belittled in front of friends. Forgotten. And taught to “lie” to make things easy.

But none of those things are who I am. Somehow, I’m honest to a fault. I hate lying. I hate selfishness and abusiveness.

And yet there was always a fear beneath it all that “maybe that’s who I really am”.

How could I be made up of this DNA, but still be good?

Am I actually good?

Which is essentially asking “am I good enough?”

Hiding The Shame of Who I Really Am

I was scared of being found out by the world. That somehow my skin would be torn off and I’d be some crazy looking shriveled up alien reptile underneath and everyone would be appalled.

So I kept the world at arm’s length.

Not letting myself get too deep into anything.

  • My relationships
  • My desires
  • Even my business

Deciding it was easier NOT to be vulnerable.

That it was easier to just be protected and keep myself safe.

But I wasn’t really keeping myself safe. Rather, I was hiding the secret shame of who I was afraid to be found out to be.

The shame of who I really am.

Not a bad person. But a person who was born to not great people.

“Honor every single damn piece of you.” – Click to Tweet

I Thought I Was Broken

I don’t have the awesome loving supportive family that I saw others with.

And I thought it made me “less than.”

Somehow wounded and wrong and bad.

Broken.

Instead of understanding that in fact, it made me see.

It made me see my clients so clearly….

To be able to hold their pain. And their hearts.

Blessings in Disguise

My challenging background allowed me to find another level of compassion for people.

Compassion for things that my clients had judged themselves so harshly for.

Compassion for things that my clients had made themselves feel like they were a villain for.

It allowed me to not be afraid of the shadow.

Of the fear.

Of the sadness.

Of the pain of others.

And instead allowed me to hold onto pieces of my clients that had never been held before.

To hold them tight in love and honesty, where in the past they may not have felt worthy of it.

And more than anything, it allowed me to be kind.

To realize that fear, pain, and confusion don’t necessarily make you bad. And don’t taint your soul. They don’t put you into a locked closet of harshness.

They can instead make you kind, and loving.

You see, I know what it’s like to come from a past where you weren’t allowed to set boundaries. Where you didn’t have enoughness reflected back to you. Where you wondered if you were truly loved.

 

Enoughness Is Your Birthright

Luckily. You can learn that the enoughness you didn’t feel growing up has always been within you.

And you can learn to turn that bountiful heart toward yourself.

To turn that kind heart, the one that somehow wasn’t shattered, into a place where the light gets in.

Honor your heart dear ones. Honor your journeys. Honor the pain and the strife.

Honor every single damn piece of you.

Because you are marvelous.

And each piece composes the entirety of who and what you are.

You too can release the shame and guilt from your past.

To stop living from your hurts.

And to stop wasting all your energy on protecting your sore spots.

To learn to trust yourself. To trust your heart. To trust your instincts. To be firm in what you deserve. And to never settle for how things used to be ever again.

Your pain, your difficulties, they have created you into the incredible, kind, and amazing person you are.

Honor it. Hold it. Allow yourself to accept and love it. ALL of it.

All of you.

Your True Self Is Beautiful

If you’d like help learning to honor and hold tight to the beauty of ALL of you. To build real and abiding self-worth, self-confidence, and finally put yourself FIRST so you too can overflow with love. Then it’s time we talk about working one-on-one together.

My work will help you see that you are so much more than you’ve ever thought. And that there’s nothing you have to do to be it except embrace, accept, and love ALL of you.

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

They Lied About Anxiety

They Lied About Anxiety

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Which Wolf Will You Feed?

Life is so fucking short, you know? I just found out tonight that a dear friend may have cancer. And it started me thinking about how life is so fucking short.

And how we waste our time worrying about nonsense. Worrying about things completely out of our control. Worrying about things that may never even happen. Putting all of this energy into something that says “this is my greatest fear, this is the big giant monster that I am terrified of ….. here, LET ME FEED IT”.

When it comes to your thinking, to your habits, to your emotions, to your relationships:

  • What you feed expands.
  • What you starve contracts.

When you spend your days and nights worrying about what might happen. About the possible big bad scary things out there in the world. You end up feeding the wrong wolf.

There’s a Cherokee story about two wolves. A grandfather tells his grandson “there’s a war going on inside of me between two wolves. One wolf is evil – filled with greed, worry, envy, self-pity, pride, superiority, regret. The other wolf is good – he is love, peace, joy, ecstasy, happiness, contentment, connection, generosity, empathy, and faith. The same fight is going on in every single one of us.”  The grandson turned and asked his grandfather “which one will win” and the grandfather responded, “whichever wolf you feed”.

 

Those Worries Are A Bitch (Oh snap – the shame spiral)

We each have these raging powers inside of us that try to demand our precious time, energy, and attention. That tells us, “If you don’t worry more about that conversation that you just had, the world’s going to end!!”. That intense pressure inside of you that says that you must stay awake a while longer and think through all the possible negative outcomes that might happen if you send your kid to camp this year, or if you spend time with your parents over Christmas, or whether that ache in your side is a bowel obstruction.

Every single one of us has this war going on inside. The war that rages for our attention.

Many people with anxiety believe, falsely, that those who aren’t crippled with anxiety cruise through life without this storm thrashing and smashing against the sides of their ribs. And that’s the myth that keeps them stuck in a spiral of guilt and shame about feeling anxious. About feeling afraid. About being worried.

They feel that “something must be wrong with me” if I’m spinning in these feelings. Because look around me, no one else is obsessing about whether I won’t be able to work next year. Or whether that guy I’m interested in will ever call.

Everyone has some degree of this simmering angst going on inside. The trick isn’t to say “you must be free of anxiety, of fear, of worry” The trick is teaching you how to manage it so that it’s no longer a prison of your own creation.

You see, the real prison isn’t the anxiety. The real prison is the shame about anxiety. Because when you feel ashamed of it you never allow it to come out in appropriate ways. So, it sits inside.

Imagine that you have gas and that you never let yourself fart. What would happen? Your stomach would get bigger and bigger. You’d blow up like a balloon. Your stomach would hurt. You’d feel like you were going to burst. All from holding it in.

The same is true of anxiety. You need to know how to healthily let it out, express it, allow it to be useful rather than feeling it as a cold pressed prison where you have nowhere left to turn. Otherwise, like the gas bubble in your stomach, you’re going to feel like you’re going to explode. All because you didn’t allow yourself the freedom to do what was natural.

Feel your anxieties without shame.

Emotions are Like a Water Balloon

I have this theory I call the “Water balloon hypothesis”.

Have you ever taken a water balloon between both hands and sort of tried to squish it?

I don’t know why, but this seems to be a universal experience. Everyone has squished a water balloon between their hands.

Well, the more and more you squish that water balloon, the more likely it is to spring a leak in some random place.

The same holds true of anxiety, worry, and fear.

When you ignore them, when you suppress them, when you shove them deep inside, they are more and more likely to come out in some other uncontrollable way that makes a mess out of everything.

Free Floating Anxiety

The other important factor when it comes to anxiety is taking the time to identify where it’s really coming from.

When you stuff down anxiety, when you numb it with wine, being busy, or even with work it’s going to come up and spew all over something.

So, then you’re sort of in a jam. Because you’re left with the bag wondering “what’s THIS about?” wondering why on earth you’re feeling almost like having a panic attack because the pizza is late.

This is why really deeply and profoundly understanding what your anxiety is about is one of the most important steps to overcoming anxiety. Because when you deeply understand what your anxiety is about you can look at it seriously and establish whether or not it’s worthy of your concern and fear or whether it’s something that can be dismissed and allowed to flow through you.

“When you allow yourself to feel physical and emotional pain you give yourself access to extra information that will fill out holes in your perception.” – Click to Tweet

Emotions Serve a Purpose

You see, anxiety, fear, and worry can serve a purpose.This is another reason we don’t just want to shove them off the table and say “Nope. Not feeling that anymore”. Because then you’re cutting yourself off from some potentially important pieces of information.

Yes, some anxiety is fruitless and baseless and serves no purpose.

But other anxieties? They indicate things that you need to pay attention to. Things you need to tune into in order to live your life in the best way possible.

Perhaps you’re feeling anxiety after eating cheeseburgers every day for a year?  Maybe that’s an anxiety that’s trying to tell you that there are some changes that need to be made there.

You see, all of your emotions serve a purpose.

You’ve been sold a lie that you’re supposed to be a super positive ultra-happy person all the time. This is one of the great lies in personal development and self-help. That you must be positive and happy all the time. But this is like saying “you must be pain-free all the time” physically. Physical pain serves a purpose just like emotional pain and discomfort serve a purpose. When you allow yourself to feel physical and emotional pain you give yourself access to extra information that will fill out holes in your perception. You see, when you ignore data that you’re receiving it’s just as bad as shoving that anxiety down, numbing it, or avoiding it through those good excuses like “I’m too busy hustling to be anxious!”

Unless we are 100% aware all of the time there will be things in our lives that we are saying “yes” to that are not fulfilling us. That are not making us happy. That don’t fit or feel right.

In those times, you’re going to feel anxiety and fear and worry and sadness and general angst. And not know why.

This is like a blinking emergency light on an airplane that’s saying “Hey! You! Pay attention to me! We’ve got something important to tell you!!” When you ignore it, the entire engine may blow out of the plane. Just like when you ignore those internal nudges which are trying to tell you something is out of alignment, your entire insides may blow out of a hole in your heart. A hole where all of these uncomfortable emotions end up squeezing out somewhere you don’t mean them to.

How a Toxic Childhood Can Create This

Anxiety, and pushing down emotions in general, is an issue that pretty much everyone in our society deals with. However, it’s a really big issue for those who come from a toxic childhood.

When you come from a toxic childhood you grow up with the feeling that it’s your job to keep everyone else around you happy, especially at the expense of yourself. So, you will inevitably push down your uncomfortable emotions in order to make everyone else around you happy. In order to take care of everyone else around first. It doesn’t matter if you feel depressed, or like your head is about to blow because of a panic attack – you’ll hide it and feel afraid and ashamed of those emotions because it owning up to them would put the focus on you. Because you fear that to acknowledge those emotions would mean you were being “selfish”.  Even though this isn’t true.

And so, you push yourself down, your anxieties, and pretty much all of your emotions down in order to prioritize everyone else’s stability and happiness.

Being Hyper-Aware of Others

When you come from a toxic childhood you begin to become what psychologists call “hypervigilant”. This means that you’re constantly on the lookout for other people being upset. For any potential tilt in their moods. For any shift in the way other people are approaching you. Any subtle change that could indicate that there might be a possible explosion because mom or dad is stressed, drunk, or in a “mood”. So that constant observation of everyone around makes you super aware of any and all possible reasons to get anxious. You walk into a room and look for reasons to be afraid.  You go out on a date and look for reasons to worry.

This was adaptive when you were growing up and saved you many times. But it’s no longer working for you. Now it just makes everything that doesn’t go exactly according to plan feel like an extreme source of anxiety. When you were growing up, there were valid things to fear around you all the time. Possible explosions or abuse. Possible put-downs or criticism.

So, you squished yourself down and you observed. But the problem has persisted into adulthood. And you still see threats everywhere. You still feel as though the world could cave in if something small happens, if something is out of your control, if the people you’re around have a mood change, or if you’re suddenly surprised by an unexpected challenge.

When you come from a toxic childhood, you are more likely to experience feelings like worry, fear, and anxiety because of this pattern. 

 

It Doesn’t Have To Stay That Way

Just because this was your past, doesn’t mean it has to be your future.

Next week, I’m going to be releasing the most valuable free resource I’ve ever given out. In this resource, you’re going to learn how to manage your emotions, learn to cope with feelings like anxiety and worry, and how to understand what’s really going on inside of you. All while creating a happier, more satisfied, and joyful life.

Join the list to get THE NO BULLSHIT GUIDE TO LIFE right when I release it next week. You don’t want to miss this!!

Hi! I’m Dr. Ash

I help women who come from challenging backgrounds that have conditioned them to put others first to live a “hell yes” life where they leave the shoulds behind. My clients learn to live a passion-filled, turned-on, lit-up life where everything is possible and to connect with their own intuitive genius.

To stop prioritizing other people’s opinions, to give themselves permission to go after their own desires, to be deeply self-expressed, self-confident, vibrant, and to release the limiting beliefs that have made them feel selfish or self-centered for putting themselves first in the past.

I have my Ph.D. in psychology, was the director of two multi-million dollar international coach training schools. She’s powerfully psychic and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.